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F Elliott Jun 2023

To whom (you)  it may (does) concern:


There is nothing Unfaithful  whatsoever
about saving your own life.





--it is me who is immersed in unfaithfulness.


You in the dark, you in the pain
You on the run--
Living a hell.. living your ghost
Living your end

..Never seem to get in the place that I belong
Don't wanna lose the time,
lose the time to come

Whatever you say, it's alright
Whatever you do, it's all good..
Whatever you say, it's alright.

Silence is not the way
We need to talk about it..
If heaven is on the way
If heaven is on the way

You in the sea
on a decline
Breaking the waves
Watching the lights go down
Letting the cables sleep

Whatever you say, it's alright
Whatever you do, it's all good
Whatever you say, it's alright..

Silence is not the way
We need to talk about it
If heaven is on the way
We'll wrap the world around it


..I'm a stranger in this town
  I'm a stranger in this town
https://youtu.be/d8TrkCObypE


The journey towards  Perfection
   is far from perfect

       ❤
M Vogel Jun 2023

"Dig your claw-hands  into me"  said she..
'It is all so unbearable, you know"
Her chest,  ripped open..
such an ancient wound,  are those..

"Are those,  so slow to heal--
These ones   you've done to me..

And I.. I swear..  Dark..   looks like light
And Light,  so very dark

Strangely,  near you
         I feel the Spark

..From you, the Monster..
You know..  the one,  
         under my bed,

         Just waiting..
             waiting..

        waiting.

For me to slip..   to fall..
So you can what?  
        Crush my skull?

Grind me into  grist;
     Tho Unleavened..

     I will rise with you
     I now, know--

.. The dreaded  end
Is the beginning


    ..of all Beginnings."


Said she...

"A falling star fell from your heart
and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud as it tore through them
And now it's left me blind

"The stars, the moon
They have all been blown out
You've left me in the dark
No dawn, no day
I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

"And in the dark
I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped
And I was in the darkness
So darkness, I became

"The stars, the moon
They have all been blown out
You've left me in the dark
No dawn, no day
I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

"I took the stars from my eyes
and then I made a map
And knew that somehow
I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating,
you were in the darkness too

So I stayed  in the darkness
  with you

"The stars, the moon
They have all been blown out
You've left me in the dark
No dawn, no day
I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart"

https://youtu.be/_gMq3hRLDD0
<3  <3  <3  <3
Yitkbel May 2023
Written and translated by: Yue Xing **** Yitkbel

Originally in Chinese as lyrics on:

August 19, 2020

Translated into English on:

August 22, 2020


I


The wise man in the desert

Watches over the child

In the fields of gold.

The child in the fields of gold

Gazes at the zealous youth

At the foot of the mountain,

Climbing, climbing, climbing.

Wanting to bask untamed

Right beneath the fiery sun,

Wanting to tame the quiet moon

Crush it beneath his feet.

The feat of man.

The support and brace

Of morality and faith

To them are shackles

That must be freed.


II


As they roared:

Be reborn, nature!

Nature of man!

As they bellowed:

Go rebel, desires!

Desires of the self!

“Doesn’t the world cease to exist

Without the observer who is ‘I’”?

“I close my eyes and all living

To me met their timely demise”.


REFRAIN:


The wise man said nothing,

And the child wondered:

You who perceive yourselves

Collectively no less than Zeus,

Why gift yourselves the fate

Of Sisyphus?

Don’t you know that even time

Must melt away?

And yet there you are worshiping,

Keeping in dust as your

Salvation and eternal faith.

The rolling stone you’ll never eternally own.


III


Like ants upon an anthill,

At the crossroad of humanity,

Under the gas lamps still,

Quenched the humble fire with vanity,

Enlightened by tungsten’s burst,

Inaugurated Man “King of the Universe”.


REFRAIN:


The philosopher hovered away.

The poet sighed but stayed.

You all perceive yourselves

Collectively no less than Zeus,

Yet gave yourselves the punishment

Of Sisyphus!

Don’t you know that even time

Must melt away?

And yet there you are worshiping,

Keeping in dust as your

Salvation and eternal faith.

The rolling stone you don’t eternally own.


IV


Time grew, aged and will soon melt away!

The world leap or falter illusions must fade.

As the rolling snow boulder melts away,

Did you lose or gain in the spring days?


-Those who climbed the snowy peaks

Are now losing losing all in the decay;

Those who sown in the eternal pasture

Are now reaping reaping joyfully away.-


REFRAIN:


The kings wail and weep,

The believers rejoice in the days.

With great irony the Zeus of today,

Confined themselves to Sisyphus’ fate.

They don’t believe that even time

Must melt away,

So they worship and praise,

Keep in dust as all the

Salvation and faith,

The rolling stone they want to eternally own.


V


What hope we used to keep!

Humbly cradled in the eternal dream!

Yet we were lured to think ourselves wise;

A cluster of ants fighting to be lords of flies.

Perceiving dust as above unseeable souls,

Willingly, our rotting stones up a steep hill roll.

Boasting our strength, status, height of place,

While mocking modesty’s unseeming grace.

Unaware of the coming crushing weight,

As the uphill stone tumbles back to base.


Ever evading us,

Ever escaping us,

Ever the ennui


Of “Man: Controller of the Universe”

Ever confined to mere dust and earth.

Self-imposed exile, had the wayward son forgot,

The once great purpose? Now all for naught?


“Meaningless! Meaningless!”

“We are headed to nowhere!”

When the stranger to strange tides,

Kills, hides, and pretends to be the guide.


REFRAIN:


Matter ever shifts,

The soul never ceases.

With great irony the Zeus of Man’s beginning,

Brought themselves to Sisyphus’ end.

They don’t believe that even time

Must melt away,

So they worship and praise,

Keep in dust as all the

Salvation and faith,

The rolling stone they think they eternally own.


VI


Sweeping beneath the fog

Of the overturning dusk,

Endless, ceaseless dust

Engulfed the roller till naught.

Only the dreamer in the fields

To the invisible eternal yields.


Bewildered by the shadows,

Darkness of humanity’s days,

Only those who never forgot the hidden light

Can find the gate above without fear or fright.


Everlasting in the decay.

Peaceful in the destruction.

Must not be bound,

Must not be bound,

Must not be bound,

By a boulder of dust,

By a mountain of mud.

The invisible never caused me alarm.

So they have mounts of gold without end.

So they keep the sands of time within hands.

So they must ever dread and fear as it slips away,

Dust to dust without a trace.


VII


But we, we melt away the mockery with faith,

And lead the way with bolts of love and grace,

Back home to Eternity’s Gate!
Just popping in to update some poems written after I last posted.
F Elliott May 2023

Prairieland grass--
bent over towards the ground
by the dry, Fall wind
as the subtle warmth
  of a teasing Sun..

Submits itself to the
now impending Winter..
where grass and seed
sleep in dormancy
as the subzero wind
prepares the ground  
to receive  snow.. upon snow

upon snow.

..And there is this temptation
to draw feelings   and conclusions
from any one certain  part
   of the whole.

And those feelings and conclusions..
                             --they feel so very real

Because they were based upon  the real;
but only a part of the beautiful whole..
And though,  even  one part of the whole
is as real as every single  other part..

It is  in itself, incomplete.
Just as the bent-over prairiegrass
under the snow  is incomplete..


It is Spring now..  sweet, struggling Angel

    All things become new.



I remember in the mornings
   Waking up
With your arms around my head
You told me you can sleep forever
And I'll still hold you then

Now the weather's getting colder
It's even cold down here
And the words that you have told me
Hang frozen in the air

And sometimes I look right through them
As if they were not there
https://youtu.be/xvTvnltNmfc


There is a love..
that is measured  in years
the years..  in seasons
The seasons.. in days,  then hours..

.. even minutes.
     xoxoxo
F Elliott May 2023

Vancouver Bay, viewed out the front
window, as out the back door,
the snowcapped Olympics loom..
A beautiful ocean breeze  here
in Port Angeles.. and amazing
warmth,  in the sun.

Hours long visits with my Mother
yesterday and today.. and then us
finding a long lost cousin  on
ancestry .  com  when we get  back
to the house. Pictures of dad there
when he was young before the war.
Stories and memories  from Mom
about before  and after, everything
went bad.

And pictures, pictures, pictures
of before it went bad..

      but none after.

I feel the distance  of the memories
but not the pain. I hold Momma close
within the knowledge  that nothing
whatsoever  has a hold on me. Elaine
is serving meals and catering to
our mother in her Rainman-like
attempt, to keep all her pain at bay;

    She is flesh of my flesh..
    blood.. of my blood.
    There with me  from the beginning--

    amidst the horrors  far beyond
    a child's innocent vocabulary
    to describe.

Back home she opens up
ancestry . com again  as Harlan talks
about his adoption  and attempt at
reconnection with his blood family,
once he finds out who they are.  Few
even want to acknowledge his  existence.

   The distant cousin of ours
   wants to tell Elaine about Dad
  right after the war.

After she responds, I **** on her
leg and then wave another, directly her way.
She's trying  to keep from laughing
as she fakes throwing up.

   I **** on her one more time
   just to show her who's boss..

She's like a machine  in her need
to take care of Mom. We take pictures
when again,  back over there..
I keep messing the timer up
on my phone's camera,
I think Mom wants to be left alone.

I don't think Mom ever
wants to be left alone.

She straight-arms me when I try
to help her up from the table.
I step back,  
but don't take it personally.
Back on the couch..  she's
she's cranky now, because the
current New York times  arrived
with a tear. She opens up the
business section and I tell her
Warren Buffett is my new boss.
She's very pleased with his ownership
of our company, and then immerses
herself into her newspaper.

   Elaine says its time to go.

She will ask Elaine again tomorrow
morning if I was really here..  or
was it her imagination. I will show
her again tomorrow that I am very
real. There have been horrors  beyond
description. There are years and years
and years,  of my letting go.

Back at the house, I sit on the front
steps and stare out at the bay.
Victoria Island is beautiful.
The Olympic Mountains are breathtaking.
Time with Harlan and Elaine  as the
sun goes down. I wave a **** one more time,  
her way.. for good measure.  
She brings me Rocky Road ice cream  
because she remembers its my favorite.
I muster up one more **** her way
before heading off to bed.

She comments about my strength.

Back down in the guestroom,
you are on top of me--
your beautiful thighs  straddling my hips..
You've been working out, beautiful girl
that firm ***..  feeling so incredible
in my hands..
You ease your beautiful, warm wet
slowly..  down on to me
in your desire to  bring about
   for each of us..
   the most beautiful,  deep release.

You kiss me deeply,  as our bodies  writhe
in deep ******--
Beautiful ****,  to my chest
as I pulse the warmth  of my *****
deeply,   in to you..

"This is the death  of all death, beautiful girl"..
I whisper into your weary spirit
as your beautiful *****..  gushes deeply
all over my warm, pulsing  flesh.


..And suddenly  we are *******
in the warm,  pouring rain--

https://www.pornhub.com/view_lala-la-la-lala-la



       You are overcoming, beautiful girl.

                         ~xoxoxo~


..and I have become addicted as ****.
https://youtu.be/2M-2BFS6Jxc

xo
F Elliott May 2023

      'You said,  
     "Someday I'm gonna break your heart",
      the first time that we met--

     Were you warning me..

     ..or just seeing how close I'd get?'


If you didn't want to exist  in the heart
of a man like me, then you shouldn't have
allowed your scrapper little spirit  
    to write the way you do.

And I was so naughty--  so very intentioned  
in all of my obscenely-truthful lies..
I told you it was all your  fault
        that you got in so quickly


         --and   it  was.

I got you back, though
I knew it the moment you let on
that you had fallen  deeply  in love..   not with me..
but with the love that had so deeply  fallen
for every-thing about you

And so,  it increased..  but at such a strange distance.
But even then,  the years only perfected  

   and strengthened..

   until lately..  
                      until lately..


     'We lay down in a lover's sigh
     As a million years of time rolled by
     How can I be hoping that it's not over yet?'


     I wasn't done, young Andi..
     no..   no..   far from it

You see.. there's this shame-thing
I wanted to flood  with light.
I'm getting so close  to finding the words
     that have never been heard  
     in this world before

    (And now.. and now.. and now..)

     'I can't hold on to the night
     Things change, ain't nothin' ever stays the same
     You're gone as far as I can see

     If you feel like letting go
     Honey, I don't wanna be the last to know

    ( I wanna hold on tight to the sweet memory
        of you loving  me)'



Let the good times find their own way home
I'd kiss you goodbye but you're already gone
Cryin' now.. just  tryin' now to wash me away

When you look back on the times we've had
Let the good ones wash away the bad
Don't look back on these bitter words
  we spoke today

I can't hold on to the night
Things change, ain't nothin' ever stays the same
You're gone as far as I can see

If you feel like letting go
Honey, I don't wanna be the last to know
I wanna hold on tight to the sweet memory
   of you loving  me

https://youtu.be/YyBLo20LY3c
~H


don't go

don't go

don't go
.
F Elliott May 2023

What is it about that elusive word?
I will throw my arms around it,

          --if it could only  become
                   tangible  to me.

             Children sit in families..
(and there was bonding from the beginning)



I don't know what that means


I don't know  how that feels..



I   don't..


                                                    ...­            



                              I ...   don't...


                                                     kn--....



    ...





                  I ..
       .



                                    ....




Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child
Long way from my home

Sometimes I wish I could fly
Like a bird up in the sky
Oh, sometimes I wish I could fly
Fly like a bird up in the sky
Sometimes I wish I could fly
Like a bird up in the sky
Closer to my home

Motherless children have a hard time
Motherless children have-a such a hard time
Motherless children
have such a really  hard time
A long way from home

Sometimes I feel like freedom is near
Sometimes I feel like freedom is here
Sometimes I feel like freedom is so near

But we're so far from home
https://youtu.be/Ck-g4DScnfw


#owies   :(
White sheets and a warm hug;
Sun rays and coffee in a mug;
Your sleepy eyes and bright smile,
It makes the wait worth my while.

Yellow and green,
Fresh and crisp.
Mornings are wrapped in the perfume of eternity,
That assures evenings a scent of serendipity.

As always, my radiant sunshine.
And forevermore, my calm moonshine.
Written: October 2023
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