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mal monson Jan 2019
to all those
that ever wonder what it's like
to have delusions
or hallucinations:

touch your nose
or your lips
or your hair
or your ears

touch anything.

you know that your nose is real
right?
you know that whatever you decided to touch
is real.

now
imagine everyone
and i mean everyone
is telling you that it's not.

that your very
very real nose
isn't there.
that it's fake.

some people will scream
others will treat you
like a baby
some will pretend with you
for awhile.
but all of them
their goal will be at first to convince you
that your nose isn't real.
and when that fails
it will be to make you feel so ******
that it doesn't matter
because they don't care about you at all.

and one day
maybe
you'll break.
like me.

you know your nose isn't real.
it couldn't possibly be
it makes no sense
it's stupid
it's just in your head.

but you also know
that it's still there.
that it's still very very real
and you know
it has to be.

so
next time someone
confides in you
or slips up and you see inside

don't say anything negative.
we know.
it hurts.
we just need comfort.
s Willow Jan 2019
The darkest place in the world is not a cave,
not a room with no windows,
nor even a real place.
The darkest place is my mind.

The darkest place sounds like a place with nothing,
no people,
no sound,
Nothing.
But there is always something going on.
Someone, something, a beast, a villain.
Talking to me.

Most don’t believe me that they’re real.
The ones that do believe don’t hear them.
Constantly in pain from the thoughts and never ending sounds.

The voices started off with just one,
then another one came, then more, and more.
Now everyday more come, more leave.
The ones that leave never come back.
The ones that come never stay.
They always leave.
Except the first one.

They say, not to name something you don’t want to get attached to but,
that’s what I did.
he’s loud, mean, annoying, but somehow I have come to like him.
Funny, helpful, reason and logic.
No one hears our conversations, only me and him.
The arguing and fighting with him brings me happiness.

The darkest place is not a real place, but our own minds.
mal monson Jan 2019
i carved your name into my thigh
because you asked me to bleed
and i would not

i carved your name into my thigh
because i wanted to bleed
but you did not

i carved your name into my thigh
and then i left you
or you left me
i dont know

i carved your name into my thigh
but it is gone now
and so are you

i am better for it
but i will never forget
how i carved your name
into my thigh
mal monson Jan 2019
you made a playlist
of songs about
car crashes

not because you
want to die
but because
your mind
does
mal monson Jan 2019
i am sick
but not just
in the head

sheet metal leather
belt pulling itself
tight
around my waist
and around my
neck

empty bursting empty
can't fill my
stomach
bursting empty bursting
too much in
stomach

nausea from breathing
too full yet
hollow
lungs can not
get enough oxygen
in
out
in out

frozen stiff and
trembling but strangled
by clothes and
by my own
skin

food poisoning flu
indigestion cramps panic
stop

please please just
please just please
stop
as im typing this i can barely breathe. im so nauseous that im about to start hallucinating. i don't know whats wrong. it might have been dairy but it's never this bad unless there's other stuff too.
BlackWings Dec 2018
2 deads on a bark in the middle of the lake
They are standing in front of each over
2 lovers who wanted to take the dead end
They are trapped by the strings of their minds

2 deads on a bark in the middle of nothing
They are watching ourselves for many hours
2 lovers who wanted to grow up and fly
If someone falls, the other dives

2 deads on a bark in the middle of nowhere
They are crying together
2 lovers who wanted to break free
They waiting now for an agony
I MISS YOU
l o n e l y Dec 2018
Why did I do this?
I sit and ponder.
In this life, I can't help but wonder.
Why did I do this?
I look out the window, seeing rain and thunder.
Why did I do this?
Unworthy of the roof I'm under.
i am a teenage drama queen
l o n e l y Dec 2018
i knew it was coming
the moment you begun
i knew you were about to tell me
that this was done
i knew this
yet i was stunned
despite our differences
i still thought you were the one
but i realize i was the only one
who thought that

it cuts through me
again and again
it bleeds out
and it doesnt help

now i dont know what to say
i hope this isnt the place im going to stay
but either way
i know some day
the end will come, the same
and i can tab out of this game
your blood tastes so sweet, like sugar baby
l o n e l y Dec 2018
i miss you marceline
a girl of the night,
a vampire, sharp teeth shining white
though the biggest fright
you gave me was when you left my sight
i spent so long waiting for you to come back and make it alright
its been so long, im almost used to being on my own, but not quite
i think of everything when im driving not knowing where i'm going
l o n e l y Dec 2018
i'm fake i'm fake i'm fake i'm fake
i fell stupid lies every minute i'm awake
and i'm sorry, it makes my heart ache
i'm careless no matter whats at stake
this is a stupid habit i can't shake

i don't know why i do this, through and through
i know this is something i don't have to do
but really not even i know what's true
i couldn't get my life back
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