1,000 calories

the sickness comes bearing gifts. we smile. we laugh. we're told not to worry about the problems growing within, only the problem of lying correctly.

800 calories

the kidnapper promises us a never ending paradise. we're intrigued and let us be taken away. forgetting our past and erasing our future.
the fairies lie and say that the kidnapper is a fraud. the kidnapper taught us self control. we plug our ears and listen to the lullaby in place of the fairies.

500 calories

the sky falls apart. only a green screen, was it? natures beauty is rotting. we're surprised but savior has taught us that the only beauty we must worry about is our own. we plug our ears and listen to the lullaby with eyes closed.

300 calories

the lullaby grows moldy. savior taught us that ugly has no value. since the song is no longer beautiful, it has no more worth to us. we find that everything around us has rot. savior is the only beauty left in this promised land. we plug our ears, close our eyes, and promise never to give in to the disgusting power of this world. we'll be by saviors side forever.

15 calories

the savior knows deep inside that we would like to leave. but truth is, we've grown fond of the pain fed to our stomach. we love our savior and the lessons we've learned. it would be unfair to leave when the utopia we've known all these years has decayed. we trust that the pain will be bearable if it means we can hold the beauty in our palms again one day. we must stay a little longer.




.cowboy.

a state of standstill is a state of decline
an excess of sediment, an ineffective wine

i only hear that defining moment of time
in the less and less frequent creaking of the keys
the same old letters sadly clack

but can't ever get it back
heart's not in it
can't stay ******
overreactions come to attack

an embarrassing pervert that you already *****
every hour since a desperate hour
wolf crying wolf every five seconds
where the collective cower

****** is always his death name
dont wear it out
wear it where the collective cower

every hour since a desperate hour
hands in the pockets
of that dress with pockets

calling out his death name
when the coming time comes

wolf hands caught in the pockets
of that dress with the pockets

i wonder how much coffee
no cream
no sugar
small glass just in case
will it take for you too notice me

I can't wait
until looking in the mirror makes me smile
instead of cower away in shame
that my face
this vessel that carries me
gives me warmth
yet I hurt her so much
but she keeps me going
it's not fair that I treat her this way
but I can't bring myself to love her
and cherish her like I should

They said it would heal with time
but does time really heal?
or are they just trying to put a limit on how much I can wallow?

in group therapy
they asked me
when was the last time
i can remember loving my body

i thought about it
for a few moments
was it when
i was in bed with a
random man at the bar
or the time
i won over a man i thought i needed
or what about that one time
i finally fit into a size 3 jeans

no no no
it was not any of those

the last time i can remember
loving my body
was the summer i turned 7
it was a hot summer day
my sister and mother
took me on the ferris wheel
and i was petrified

i did not care to be scared
or show that i was scared
i did not care to live freely
but we all know that does not last forever
life takes over
and
bad things happen
and men take advantage of our bodies
thinking they can own anything
even a little girls body

i think through all of this
over and over
before speaking the words
i cannot remember
the last time i loved my body

Overflowing tears fill her eyes,
as doubt fills inside her mind.
She is overwhelmed and confused,
she is exhausted and tired of being bruised.
However, one things for sure.
She will no longer let her demons get the best of her.
She will no longer stand for a life full of misery and torment.
For she’s now had a taste of pure freedom and forgiveness.
As she is now following her dreams.
Everything is falling into place,
and once again;
she does not want to lose how beautiful her life has become.

"It took me a long time to realize that my partners were having *** with me in part because of the way my body looks, not in spite of the way my body looks."

"Even today, I have a lot of trouble figuring out if I’m hungry or not. I often can’t tell until I’m starving. I don’t trust those little inklings of hunger I have before the starving stage, since anything outside of mealtime is supposed to be quelled by a ******* piece of fruit.

Over time, [I was taught] that I should decide what to eat with my brain, not my stomach. So eventually, my stomach just gave up."