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Maria Dec 2014
Perched quietly on the dark oak wood
Gleaming, so bright. So .. beautiful?
Waiting
Waiting
No. I mustn't. Fight it.
Withhold the temptation.
Breathe.
Don't let go.
Stop it from screaming.
Please.
Stop it from staring.
Come now, just hold me tightly.
Keep me close and don't let go.
Just a touch, just this once
Stay with me
A scratch on the surface
Not too deep
Again and again and again.


© maria.who
Maria Oct 2014
I feel so inclined towards you yet I feel so distant.
Whenever I believe I am attaining closeness, I'm shown exactly how far back I truly am.
I see myself as a participant in this race
In reality I am simply a spectator, onlooking,
as each person passes me by.
I yearn for those spells of closeness I am exposed to
Those veils that are lifted, sometimes for a mere second, others longer,
before I am cut off and the doors sealed.
I must not let myself slip or fall any further
For in those moments the screens rise, no longer do I wander blindly.
The wounds begin to heal
I'm lost in the ecstasy, hypnotized by the beauty
The light reflects off me and all that is around me
The moment it goes blank I feel empty and lost
I am confined in the darkness, my entirety submerged in the blackness
The journey I planned, comes to an abrupt stop
Many paths lay ahead of me, decorated with the allures of the world.
I refuse to let the ugly beauty trap me
I find myself to be at war once again
My thoughts, confused and chaotic. Which path do I take?
Every move I make must be strategically planned in order to win this battle
And I shall continue participating in this battle, positioned on the front line
Alone
With steal for amour and my mind erasing all that is trivial, insignificant.

I have hope this bitter struggle will be worth it, that there is a reward
This goal cannot be achieved of my own accord
I pray, with your guidance, your mercy and your blessings, you will forbid me from straying
You will conduct and influence the steps I take towards you.


© maria.who
Maria Oct 2014
I don't regret it, no
not at all.
But what I do regret
is telling you other things that I shouldn't have
I believed you could help
I shouldn't have
It was my mistake

Never again

© maria.who
Maria Oct 2014
A smile etched upon my face
Light in my heart
Calm after a storm

It was worth it

© maria.who

( comment below please )
Maria Oct 2014
When I tried to tell you
I couldn't think
I couldn't feel
I couldn't breathe
So scared.

So ineffably difficult and painful
Emotionally. Physically.
Panic and regret and worry
Emotions heightened so greatly

You were clueless when I tried explaining
But when you were told by someone else
You found it hard to believe
It was impossible you said.

And when I told you myself
I didn't know what to think
Terrified it'll come crashing down
Terrified we'd lose it all
I couldn't think
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't feel
So scared.

At last you understood.
It all fell into place
Now you know
Finally
All that worry for nothing

I'm glad you know


© maria.who
(comment below please)
Maria Sep 2014
It's all written right in front of me,
Tattooed in my mind
I open my mouth to speak the words I long to speak
No sound leaves.

And so I'll write instead
I find myself writing in riddles
Causing confusion yet you still want to help
The things I long to say?
They continue going unsaid.

I want you to understand
I want you to know
I want your help
But I am scared ?

Through talking out aloud
Through messages
Nothing escapes my lips
Nothing is given away

Silence.
It's not loud enough.
Puzzles.
The jigsaw remains incomplete.
I'm sorry.
I can't keep you in suspense
But still I cannot say.

Unlettered &Unspoken;
Hidden. Remaining a secret.
Forgive me.
One day perhaps?



© maria.who

( comment below please )
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