if you were to go to the beach,
into the sea,
far out
further, further.
place your head under the water and listen out
for the sounds of chains that seem so close,
that you could grab on and use as support to float
but really they're far far out, your eyes cant even see,
rusty chains grinding off one another, sour.

the sound seems so familiar
perhaps the time you tried to drown
your head slowly sliding under the water in the bathtub
holding your breath
thinking of nothing
but the sound of the pipes remind you of that video game you played, the one that made you curious

that in fact saved your life, the story you wanted to play over and over.
as every time you played you discovered something new.
it's beautiful, the theme song as your lullaby


maybe i was looking for an excuse to live,
the only thing that saved me was that video game.

you got stuck
in that same
place you begged me
to help you out of
sinking
like quick sand
now all i can do is
sit back
and watch you drown
in your past

in this sea of sorrow
i refuse to drown

rainbows did not interest me anymore
I could always hear my demons' roar

a sound sleep could not save me at all
how would you expect me to stand tall?

even the flowers that bloomed through sun's ray
couldn't make me smile, couldn't make my day

a hug could help, but only for a minute
deep talks made sense, but no one swam through it

laughter became rare and expensive
I couldn't afford one; even my tokens were evasive

they said sunsets could make you happy
oh... um... really?  

what sound should I make when I drown?
should I shout or should I just frown?

it felt like death; I've always wanted to die
happiness was silent... and so was I

A deep sea of time
In which I float
Diving down under
A story is told
Ships pass from above
A memory vessel
Coming and going
Each one a lesson
Dive deeper still
Touch down on the bottom
Feet in the sand
Drown in the forgotten

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 9, Drown in your words at midnight.
"****, my window makes hella noise after last night's thunderstorm."
"So does that mean you can't sneak out at night anymore?"
"There's got to be another way, I'll fix it."
"Do you think you can do that?"
"If I want to."
"What do you want?"
"You. I want you. I want to love you. I want us to be together in a safe place. I want us to finally be okay. I want us to have a normal life, without hiding the drugs and alcohol, without hiding at all. I want to talk to you. I want us to realise. I want to write and paint and listen to music forever without the need to stop. I want to cry. I want to smile. I want to drown in your words at midnight.