Custody,
first a checkerboard of red and white squares
trapped between thick black bars.
Days of the week,
prisons,
and I was wrongly convicted.
My fingers reach for help through my metal cage,
yet only receive paper cuts
on the corners of divorce letters.
Letters drowned in blood bleed off the page
and stain my Saturdays and Sundays.
Custody,
now neatly separated into red and white columns,
walls dividing weeks and weekends.
National borders barricade one house from the other.
Two countries clash in a
war waged with
two atomic blasts burning
my culture into ash
white as paper.
Custody,
the absence of red and
the erasure of my father
from the calendar taped to
my mother’s refrigerator,
and I’m frozen in place.
Custody,
a vast snow-white plane:
One step forward,
nothing in my future.
One step backward,
blizzards in my past.
Custody,
ground made of paper so thin,
with every step,
life crumples under my feet.

Make no mistake,
you reveal yourself at the bottom.
It's dark and cold,
your pale with black hair,
And **** yellow eyes.

You float,
in your prison.
Void of breath,
and golden rays.
Bringing life,
and color.  






You’ve hit bottom.







Below this,
you feel helpless.
As a trapped animal
waiting to die.

The weight I carry,
was all for you.
Now you left me,
at sea.
I’ve drowned,
months ago.






In 2018, I hit bottom.







Below this…
Glass like,
motivation shatters.
Further you fall,
into darkness.
Your voice,
no longer ripples.
Let it take you.









How much further?








With struggle,
I can’t sink like a stone.
There are souls,
who need me.
Your hand pulls,
me down, it's heavy.
I kick you,
I punch you,
I struggle,
to let you go.
Your grip is,
loose and careless.
Like the past three years.

With a swift kick,
I am free.

I


Let


You


Go

I was arrogant and stupid,
while he put on the moves,
saying you deserved better,
now I know that was the truth.

I can see it now,
all the faults inside me.
It took me losing you,
for me to finally see.

I keep all your things,
tucked back in my closet,
hoping that you’ll come back,
but you won’t, and I caused it.

I took you for granted,
my hostage to fortune,
thinking you’d never leave,
you wouldn’t do that to our son.

Also, our daughter,
I helped raise since three.
It shames me to admit it,
but I thought you couldn’t do better than me.

Now it’s too late,
and you have moved on,
no matter what I say,
you will always be gone.

I’m sorry sweetheart,
for not being what you deserved.
I will love you forever,
even if you think that’s absurd.

This isn’t how,
I thought my life would be,
I thought we’d have our forever,
but that’s not reality.

“We are divorced!!!”,
you sent through a text.
I just sat there and stared,
wondering what happens next

Who knew three exclamations,
could make you so sad,
and bring a wave of pain,
and feelings so bad.

To say I wish you the best,
sounds so ******* sappy,
but at least I can say,
I finally made you feel happy.

Congrats.