In my solitude, I glimpsed a light I could not escape,  
Your laughter danced softly over my shoulder,  
Like the time I said I could never paint—  
And you, with a tender touch,
Held my hand and said,  
"I am the greatest masterpiece you'll ever create."  

I lost my way in your gaze;  
You told me it was I who brought you to life.  

White paint was out of reach, so my canvas stayed untamed.  
Red ran dry, so I bled deep to paint you unstained.  
Your hair brushed in black, a portrait unchained.  
I shaped your hands to mirror mine,  
So when I sought comfort,  
Yours would be the warmth I craved.

But now I search in desperate despair,  
To find the sketch of you in the back of my head.
It was all in my mind—engraved.  
So when I rot and fade away,  
You will remain beyond decay.

Gods will come and go
but the angels will always
walk among us
dazzled by the glow
of a finite life
lived with such
desperation
not wanting to miss a thing

I’m a tornado in a bottle but you
Grasp my glass cage and you
𝘚𝘏𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘚𝘏𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘚𝘏𝘈𝘒𝘌
You take me by the (bottle) neck and you
Toss me flying in the air and catch
Me again, flirting with death like life
Is a game, and I’m telling you—
I’m telling you—
𝘚𝘛𝘖𝘗 𝘐𝘛, 𝘚𝘛𝘖𝘗 𝘐𝘛, 𝘓𝘐𝘚𝘛𝘌𝘕—

shattered glass bloodstains
no tears but shock freezing the lines
on your face pick up the pieces
no don’t let it cut your fingers.
sorry. sorry.
sorry. sorry. sorry.

I scream into the empty space beyond
"I'M HERE"
But all I hear is my own scream echoed back

I scream out loud
But there is no sound
Except for my own echoes
In my head

Its dark
Empty
Cold
Crushing
And you're the darkness

You're the darkness and he let you back in
With his harsh words
And zero remorse or genuine conviction of care

You're all around me
You completely surrounded me
I can't run
I can't hide
For its endless
And I'm tired

You completely surrounded me
As I drown myself red
To add any colour to this dreadful dark
But it's so dark that nothing could hope to ever see
So the red flows black
Nothing but a feeling
Fleeting
Eating me alive

I scream
"PLEASE HELP I DON'T WANNA DROWN"
But all I hear is a soft voiceless echo
As my cries leave my mouth wordless
So all that can be heard
Is the silent echoes
As I'm swallowed
Now gone

Stupid foolish girl
Your begging and your pleas
Will not set you free

You texted him again
No respect for your dignity
Your breaking inside
Can you not see?

Stupid, foolish girl
Can’t take abandonment well
Will you ever change
Only time will tell

You’re only hurting yourself
Hang up your hat
Take a rest
He chose to leave himself

Stupid, foolish girl,
but still, you fight to be free.
Perhaps not today, but someday you'll see—
you are stronger than your grief.

I miss the fervor with which I used to write
I miss the way words would dance in my mind until the perfect combination fell at my feet
I miss knowing more than a few good cliches and metaphors
I miss the desperation I had to explain every feeling, to describe every moment, to relish in something for longer than I experienced it because memory fades and I need the possibly exaggerated details to grasp onto
I miss not feeling brain fatigue after writing two lines or reading a single chapter
I miss the overwhelming desire to see my ideas come to life and become something other than a vision that will haunt me before I go to sleep and become lost in nightmares and lost hopes and reminders before I jump off the cliff jolting me awake just to be surrounded by complete darkness when I open my eyes just like the true ending to the fall I was just shy of landing

I think of myself from 5 years ago
would struggle to recognize me
he'd say "what the hell happened?"
and I would have no answer

in truth, I have no answer
for all my shortcomings
when I was a kid,
people called me brave

people listened to me
I was sure of every single thing
I sought out to do, every little step
was calculated, as if I knew what I was doing

I was once a bright child
maybe the tallest beacon in my family
my grandpa and grandma sure thought so
and my mom and dad didn't seem to mind the idea

what the hell am I now?
who is that person in the mirror?
I fret over these questions in my head
but found no answer

who am I now?
not even God can say...