Wiped were all the memories

Her mind an empty slate

I watched my best-friend disappear

Was void of all her traits




I wanted to ask her why she left

If only I could see?

Wish I could go inside her mind

And bring you back to me




Sometimes were good, sometimes were bad

We took it day by day

But it was very difficult

To see her live that way




Although she left me mentally I saw her all the time

And though I cried when she was near

Physically she was fine



And though her memories were gone

The pain all stayed with me

Till the day she passed and left this earth

Her choice was to be freed



Sometimes I wish I could forget

I'd pay any cost

To hold her close one final time

And gain back what I lost


Poem written by: Johnhaynes Honeycutt

I watched how her "memories" shredded holes through ours
I watched how her story became the only one that mattered
I watched how her story became the only one told
I watched how we carried ourselves apologetically surrounded
By the tidal wave of second-hand confusion
And aggression.

I watched her dementia tear us apart
I watched the disease
Silent and deadly
Drain us of our lives,
Making itself stronger.
I watched it crawl up the back of my father
And settle on his shoulders.

I watched this disease
Disgusting-
Proud-
Make us hate who we loved.
We hated the hollow woman we told ourselves we cared for
Even though the woman we loved was long gone.

I heard the yells and agitation
Take the caretaker and replace them with a
Violent, judgmental gargoyles,
Watching over the puppet in the bed-
Waiting for Dementia's next command.
I felt my strength-
My life-
My mind
My mother's
My brothers
My aunts and my uncle's-
Our time
Our love,
Stolen by an abuser no one saw coming.

I saw dementia changed who I love.
I saw her dementia tear us apart.

a man who is about fifty years old has been suffering from
dementia. (demented people can't remember many things anymore; and they might have a hard time to say anything.)

his name is m.

m. is a silent guy. he talks barely and doesn't tend to look at
people.

i lived together with him for eleven days. most of our time, we were hanging around, smoking cigarettes.

one day, i put some music on. by aventura. one of their songs is called "obsesion". and when m. listened to his song, he changed.

his eyes were glowing with joy.
for real.

I can't remember,
I can't understand,
I don't have concept of things,
My mind is leaking.
Don't leave me,please,
Give me a kiss on the cheek,
Hold my hand.
I am sick, sad and tired,
Be patient with me,
Don't think I am giving you a hard time,
I am having a hard time.
Keep me away from crowds and noises,
I hate them.
I may not answer,
I may be abrupt,
Don't take it to heart,
Still talk to me.
Don't lecture or argue,
My mind hurts,
Instead agree.
I am a lonely soul,
Give me a hint of kindness.
14/11/2019

I am so confused wondering what I have done.
I am whisked away from my home for what seems like a thousand miles.
They are so nice to me and I wonder why.
Emotions are running high and I see a sense of guilty sorrow in their eyes.
As we reach our destination in beautiful gardens filled with people having cups of tea.
Staff in funny clothes ask me how I am and call me by name. Asking me if I would like to have some fun.
How is this possible
How do my family know them and I don't.
They look at me with false smiles and patronising reassurance.
My family observing the scene of discovery.
Trying to show an interest for my benefit.
An unfamiliar room we enter is deliberately filled with familiar objects.
Smells of home entering my memory.
I know deep inside that this is my new home and my family will soon be gone.

My memories took flight from Spring's rookery,
Nurtured by Summer's warm seas and
Trade winds soft under blue skies,
Reinforced by Autumn's harvest and happenstance

Pray my memories remain deep within me like a
Fortress securely established on a rock-mass,
High on golden hills, impregnable,
As Winter's cruel seas and merciless winds approach

Pupils gaze into the sun, I am stunned,
Unearth the power of Raa in your eyes,
Revel! As we lay for long hours, sunned
To death in the warm embrace of your fires.

As we wrap our lives around each other's
Souls as stinging nettles cradle soft skin,
Our life embers trickle, rumbles, smothers-
Nothing. Just- blood. Scars, filth under cover.
And you tickle the hair under my chin...

Time swells and the kind universe cradles-
I can't- stomach this ******* orange juice anymore!
I choke on the bits, I told you before,
How many times- and where is that *****?
What do you mean- “Lucy has gone before”
Good Lord, where has that ***** gone now. That *****-
Cotton wrapped ‘round faithful fairy fables—
Grandad? Is that you? What did you send me for?

This dream bred a silk no spider could weave,
Heavenly nirvana, none could conceive...

You. Child like, notions of freedom. So naive,
Your ****** up little attitude is hard to conceive.

Lucy? Lucy, is that you? -You ***** tease!
I am confused, did you drug me again?-
I shall follow wherever you may lead...
-You’re no better than when you’re on your knees-
Don’t leave me, like a little frightened Fen...
Just ask and I should spend my life on my knees.

My light is yours to – blank –

Tie the rope to the tree and ******* hang.

Lucy must be with Grandad, that’s why I
Can't find them- can't find my love- my bee.

How long until this moment passes by
Lucy, do me the Honour. Marry me.

Lucy?

Lucy.

Don't you find
That
Love is so short
And
Yet forgetting is so long
If you don't
This is the mind od someone
Scummimg to dementia

I believe love has an evil twin,
But I could be losing my mind.
There are petals on thistles,
And thorns on roses;
I can turn 360 or 180
And ride off in any direction.
Tales run like a loop in my brain,
Not recalling who's heard what,
I preface:
I've probably told you this before, but...
Is how any old story begins.
Deja Vu is my new life.
Every thought was once a poem
To be polished and revealed.
Today, they are intermittent.

I've been trolling old television series;
The Monkees were terrible then,
Terrible still;
The Three Stooges were best left in the memory vault;
Bonanza still has Ben wearing his beige vest;
Elizabeth Montgomery is still bewitching;
Jeannie is irritatingly attractive.
I must be leaking grey cells;
Rationality is creaking in my bone-head.