I remember a dream
Late in the night
The eve of lucid thought
Cleaning a park
Black and red
Sketched in like a middle school doodle
My body was paper
Flimsy yet malleable
In the edge of the park
Parked on granite steps
Third from the bottom
Was an old man
I approached with careful steps
Gazing at my legs
Slowly raising his head toward the sky
A moment of brilliant silence
The man began to laugh
Unrelenting
Never stopping to breathe
Pointing at me
My essence
I hit him
But my bones connected
Into nothing
I awoke
To red
All-around
The kitchen floor
Is it my turn
To clean?

a man who is about fifty years old has been suffering from
dementia. (demented people can't remember many things anymore; and they might have a hard time to say anything.)

his name is m.

m. is a silent guy. he talks barely and doesn't tend to look at
people.

i lived together with him for eleven days. most of our time, we were hanging around, smoking cigarettes.

one day, i put some music on. by aventura. one of their songs is called "obsesion". and when m. listened to his song, he changed.

his eyes were glowing with joy.
for real.

I am the dark, and I’m always the might,
I am the monster that lurks in your head,
I am the monster that waits in the night,
I’ll make you pray to God that you’re not dead.

You are too small, you are not strong enough,
I will devour and gobble you all up,
You cannot get past me, I am too tough,
Before you know it, your time will be up.

I am the fears that haunt you through the night,
I am the shadows that hide in your walls,
I will crush you before you see the light,
I will see to it that you always fall.

I am the monster that lurks in your head,
As always, you know it, you will be dead.

I, harbor danger.
Forever attempting to befriend the beast within
My grip, white knuckles, too weak,
She burns sharp as acid through the cracks in my fist,
Poison trickles through veins, taught.
Panic.
A Grasp of desperation,
Stumble,
on the edge with no choice but to balance
on the tips of broken glass.
A thing of beauty,
pride or disgust.
Both,
it must be
everything at once.
Terror swallowed in the dark
Demented
Chaos

******* blood like black tainted wine
- Stain lips with this liquid of mine
- Tear my tender skin to pieces
- Pry through these mental diseases
- Feel my flesh with a fragile groan
- Break my body with brutal stones
- Bite my bones and then lick them clean
- Sigh your breath into my bloodstream
- **** my cells from savory veins
- Dine and devour the remains
- Grind my organs through gritted teeth
- Try not to think and simply breathe
- Weep with me as you dig the hole
- Forget I still possess a soul
- Scrape the sand from my eye sockets
- Tie my wrists with a sick promise
- Seize all of your sadistic dreams
- Bury me even as I scream
- Drown me with a mouthful of dirt
- Cry a lullaby through the earth
- Stop my story and seal my grave
- Fall to your knees and forge my fate
- Know that I was wanting this grief
- Die in this demented relief

Taste, stain, tear, pry
Feel, break, bite, sigh
****, dine, grind, try
Weep, forget, scrape, tie
Bury, seize, drown, cry
Stop, fall, know, die
Believe you're ill, but so am I
Together now, we die
                                       die
                                            die...

**** its a slow night !
Mike said from across the table nursing his coffee inbtween passing the flask between us under the table.

Jack you pick up many fares tonight?
Bout the usual drunks bud but no its not been the best night .

Honestly I was happy bout the down time I was nursing hangover and truly didnt feel like dealing with peoples **** .

Listening to Mikey was bad enough he loved to ramble on about old stories and hookers he had nailed in his cab .

I swear I think sometimes he lived in that *******.
He certanly dressed like he did .Wearing the same clothes from last week .

You guys ever actually eat or do you just exist off ***** stories cigarettes and coffee.

Hey Susan you know I only come here to be in your presence .
Yeah right Jack hey you got anything in that flask you passing back and forth?

Sure do sweetheart I said as she leaned over the table she took a hit from the flask **** near emptying it.

Id care but I was to busy looking at her cleavage.
Hey leave something for us ***** Mike piped up.

Yeah well thats the cost of your buddy here looking down my shirt .
And what wonderful view it is sugar I said as she refilled my coffee totally ignoring Mike as usual .

What the hell man you wanna piece of *** I can tell you.where to look but dont let that ***** take all are ***** Jack.

Funny thing is its never are ***** when I buy it Mickey.
******* man you know I would share if I had a bottle .
Yeah I really cant say bud never seen you ever have one you *****.

Yeah ******* man.

Mike never could handle being picked on.
Alot of loud mouths couldn't .
Mike was one of many but he was a good laugh on a ocassion and kinda grew on you after awhile course so does a tumor so he wasnt exactly my favorite person in the world.

Course I never did like people .
I saw all there worst sides driving them the drunks least were semi honest .

The yuppies never paid you any mind you were there ride nothing more.

**** Jack I ever tell you bout that couple a few weeks ago I picked up?
I knew mikes silence wouldnt last long.

No you didnt .

Hell man so I do a pick up at the Raven you know that dive off Atlantic?

Yep been there many a time .

Well anyways I pick up this couple let me tell you from they were making out on the sidewalk I knew I was in for a show .

The chicks got this hot as **** little black cocktail dress on .
******* guy barely can tell me the address cause the chicks all over him.

So I head to the address well no sooner Im heading down the road I look back in the review and this ***** is going down on him I mean she's putting a Linda Lovelace to shame back there.
No **** well I know your demented *** was happy beats a drunk passing out in the backseat ******* himself .

No **** sherlock mike replied .
Anyways Im like ******* enjoying the **** out of this fare .
So much so a figure why the hell not *******.

Are you ******* nuts?
How the hell you going to drive and ******* truly you are one sick **** Mikey.

**** hell man I'm a professional brother unlike you .
Really you got to loosen up and live or this job will drive you nuts .

Yeah like your sane I thought to myself .

Anyways she's back there going to town like she working a ***** scene .
Everything's feeling good but I just kind of lost myself for a moment
Swerved hit the **** curb .

And I hear this guy ******* almost scream.
See when I hit the curb she bout bit his **** off.

******* funny **** the guys yelling get me to the ******* hospital she's keeps telling him she's sorry.

But thats not all of it he's going off cause he cant figure out what he's going to tell his wife .

Aint that some **** and to top it off the ******* didnt even tip me.
I cant imagine after almost giving him *** change why he wouldnt want to tip you Mickey.

Oh like I'm some ******* for getting worked up watching this chick go to town on this guy.
Okay hotshot being your so more noble than me what would you had done so differently .


I sat looked at this fellow cabbie trying not to laugh.
Honestly mike .

I would have pulled over and left the meter running till she finished .

I never was much at multi tasking like yourself .

Fuack you Jack I heard Mike say as I left a tip on the table and was on my way out.

Be careful out there Jack I herd Susan say.
Dont worry sugar I always am .


Stay crazy .

Gonz