I wrote a song for you.
I play it on the strings of my heart.
I crossed a line for you.
It will never be crossed again.
I loved all of you.
I fell for your soul.
I want to hold you.
love you.
You don't love me.
You don't want me.
I needed you.
Where were you?
Why did you leave me?
*I love you.

Your rocking chair tip slowly back and forth,
Hair messy and wine stained lips with an all to familiar gaze.
Cold, lifeless, drained.
With your speech slurred and muffled ramblings of:
"Can you bring your dad back?"
We did our best to carry you inside and give you the same care and love that only he could provide.
As you stumble aimlessly around the bathroom floor tuning out the please of your children to simply get up,
What is left of my heart is swept away like sand beneath the tides.
Hours pass, torn apart novels, tipped over tables, and a paper bag tossed into the woods containing every pill and packet of Benson and Hedges in sight,
You finally rest.
Your breathing raspy with the occasional mutter of words and sudden cries of agony and sorrow,
I hear you utter his name.
Those seven letters that still send chills down my spine,
The failed excuse of a replacement for the man that I once knew.
I reassured you it was only me in your bed,
Not the monster who pushed you over the edge.
-C h a r l i e

There's a hole in my heart
It makes breathing so hard

You were so young it's so unfair
All I'm feeling is despair

You left me with no warnings
To deal alone with my mourning

You were my father, my hero
You helped me with my sorrows

Tell me who will teach me now
All about life, just tell me how

How can I go on with my life
When in my chest there's a knife

You were my everything
Now I'm just nothing

I wish that I could live in my own house
Where my brother's and sisters live
Where my birth giver and male parental unit call home

A few things stand in my way
The emotional disconnection gives a slight separation
The abusive love and controlling tongues play a part
The creepy old man who touches me in ways no one should

That.

Definitely is a big part.
I mean when you got your Father card did you skim over the fine print where is says protection? Did you forget your glasses so you couldn't see that it said, "must go to a loving home"?
I mean these are all technicalities.

But me?
I'm not. I'm your daughter.
It sounds weird the way it rolls off of my tongue. The metallic after taste, like I've just been slapped. Daughter. Something doesn't seem right.

I mean why have a home where you feel loved, supported and valued. When you can live in a place that devalues all that you are, for all that you stand against.

The grey-suited businessman
Straightens his tie
Adjusts his cufflinks
Acts professionally
Looks smart and in control
Says some wise things
Jokes about politics

He is relaxed
He is confident
He is wealthy
He commands respect
He commands envy

Until he walks through the door

He rips off his tie and sticks it on his head
He screams through the house and lifts up his kids
He kisses his beloved and thanks God for the food
The grey-suited businessman is...

-

The scruffy plumber
Rolls up his sleeves
Wipes off his sweat
Drinks a mug of tea
Crawls into dusty cupboards
Hammers and twists

He is local
He is hard-working
He is dependent
He commands no-one

Until he walks through the door

He rips off his hat and throws it in the air
He screams through the house and lifts up his kids
He kisses his beloved and thanks God for the food
The scruffy plumber is...

-

Father
Papa
Dad
Pater
Daddy

There's a story untold,
and that is, my dad has a heart of gold.
I promise you, I'll take care of you when you grow old.
Like how you took care of me, when I'm three years old.

He holds hammer, he likes gun,
and he will do anything for his loved one.
I'm so happy,
cause to have you as my dad?
I'm very lucky.

Peugeot, Porsche, Lexus, Ford.
You deserve more, more than adored.
With you, my life will be explored,
Without you, it will be uncolored.

"The greatest gift I ever had, came from God, and I call him dad."
I love you Daddy,
You never let me feel unhappy,
because you always do your duty,
and that is making me feel "Life is easy."

Dad, you're my superhero.
You know how to keep me out of sorrow.
With you, there's a beautiful tomorrow.
And with you, I glow.

I love you Daddy.....

9 YEARS OLD
Daddy told me I'm special, I'm his perfect little girl.
Daddy leaves bruises on my body
Daddy doesn't hit me he says
"it was only a smack"
10 YEARS OLD
Daddy told me that i am slow
If I carry on this way i will never get a job
He moves me to another school
I don't care, at least here they wont make fun of my mum,
11 YEARS OLD
I cant keep up with my school work
the class moves to fast
my father hits, punches and slaps
my father breaks my pencil
i tell my friend that he snapped my pencil
Daddy overhears he says
"don't tell people what happens at home or daddy will go to jail"
I didn't think that what he was doing was wrong
I thought that everyone got this too
12 YEARS OLD
I'm in a school and having lots of fun
Daddy says  to make no friends
that i shouldn't trust anyone
he doesn't hit anymore
he threatens me at home
15 YEARS OLD
I have few friends that know nothing about my home
My parents are no longer together
and i feel completely alone
I have no trust
no family
nothing at all
Daddy tells me i can tell him everything
I tell him how i feel
He hits my wall, i see his eyes turn red
Daddy says
"If you were my son i would his the crap out of you"
because he thinks that its ok
to his a boy but not a girl
and that is not ok.

i want to die
i cant go on

I look him in the
eye this is not my Daddy
this is a man, who i have never known

He thinks im going to **** myself
so he leaves me with with one thing
The man says
"If you **** yourself, i Will **** myself"
to try to make me feel guilty

it only makes me think that
If my death will result in his
then the world is better off without me