The silence always seems so loud
yet never says a word
Your voice I hear is a beautiful sound
yet a screaming, horrible dirge
The things I see are hard to describe
yet easy enough to tell
That all I want is to feel alive
in this world meant for hell.

Contra is my mantra
Walking contradiction
Comfort in contrast
Contracting the human disease day by day

Fighting hard and losing
But persisting
Resistance of assistance
Shake and bake until I'm high enough to lose my breath
Breath taking view
Atop the peaks of irresponsibility
Giving no ****
Consequences?
**** em
Back lash?
Bat your lashes and slither your way out of it
Love?
Who needs it when you've got the attention of all the sinners
An angel among them
Freezing in the arctic pinnacle of hell
One at a time their cold hearts freeze them from the inside

Lost in the bitterness
Free because I’m found
Surrounded by silence
I hear the intense sound
I got a one way ticket
I’ll go there, back and around
this is the complication
of travelling to where I’m bound
Climbing a mountain
while the path doesn’t bend
ripping up a letter
that the mailman still will send
Drinking constantly
but my thirst will not amend
this is the frustration
that my life won't cease to lend
Miles, countries away
but still you’re at my side
Just when you disobey me
you do start to abide
Of course I’ll tell no one
but in you I can confide
This is my pleasure
when the pain will not subside

Even when she leaves she stays
Even when she cries she plays
Even when she dies she breathes
Even when she’s blind she sees
Even when she laughs she’s sad
Every bit of good is bad.
Even though she lives she’s died.
Her coward-ness outweighs her pride
She’s full of dreams, though she does not sleep
She does not starve because she does not eat
Her wonderful future, an imaginary friend.
Her life is a game she’ll never win
Her fragile heart, it’s made of steel
Her pain is fake, but ever real.
Every time she breathes she breaks
Every time she gives she takes
And every time she loves she hates.
Even though she’s smart she’s dumb
Even when she feels she’s numb
Every day she lives she dies
She can’t be reached so no one tries
She is wind and nothing more.
She doesn't bleed but always hurts
Her coward-ness outweighs her pride.
From broken heart or broken mind
Her life is dead
But she can’t die.

How does one live a life
So contradictory?
With a melancholy mind,
And a hopeful heart-
The days go on…

I keep wondering,
Could I be content with happy?
Ha, that's a funny thought.
I'm blinded by the worst
Yet I pursue it so urgently
What could be right?
The fact that I'm falling in love
But I'm aggressively running away from it.
It's a whirlwind of ignorance,
I'll keep running from yours.
My clarity is being fogged
I refuse.
I hate you
Who am I kidding?
Me, that's who.
My divided contradiction
It's right because I trust you
Could I possibly be content?
I've found it in an anxious trust
My wandering soul
I've found my love
A love for the unsure
Delighted in the journey
Trusting my way through my disbelief
And willingly falling into the very thing that ran from finding.

Poetry *****!
It shows my vulnerability!
It shows my compassion,  my understanding.

Poetry *****!
It let's others like you know I am human.
It shows you I'm sensitive,
And come with not only my arms, but also my defenses down.

Poetry *****!
Even at my weakest times,
Even while completely open.
My strengths shine through,
Showing my real side,
Darkness and light, that I just can't subside.

Listen you all,
Big or small,
To the words of a fellow human,
To whom my thoughts are only blooming,

With my eyes I see,
People smile with glee,
With my eyes I observe,
People who constantly live on nerve,

With my ears I listen to,
Some speak of affection that grew,
With my ears I hear,
Words that make me shead a tear,

With my nose I find the scent,
Of every love letter I've sent,
With my nose I smell,
The odors of hell,

With my tongue I speak,
Of all the good times that happened this week,
With my tongue I talk,
Of things that I mock,

With my hands I touch,
Everything that I like so much,
With my hands I feel,
All the pain I can't heal,  

On being human,
It's living,
As a breathing,
Contradiction.

I'm am  very contradictory

I Am a beautiful disaster
I am gasless smoke
I am an ice fire
I am lovingly hateful
I am aggressively playful

I am kknowledgeable confusion.
..it's best at its worst