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full of bile,
i need to *****
acid reflux makes it worse,
but i deserve this.
i'm hurting myself
but that's alright.
i want this,
i need this,
i can stop at any time.
For: Jenny Thoma, Huxley Densen
Belle Dec 2019
its christmas and the only gift i want is to lose weight
Lydeen Jan 2019
Falling
Falling
Falling
Spiraling like a top.
The world spins as I walk,
My body.
Desperate for nutrition.
But beautiful.
I still haven't hit rock bottom.
Spinning out of control.
Lydeen Dec 2019
Curves melting away
Numbers dropping
An obsessive measurement of worth

One food at a time
Or
Consider mixing it all together

Counting bites
Counting grains, kernels, seeds
Counting times chewed

26 waist
32 hip
5 wrist

11 neck
7 forearm
30 ribcage

17.8 bmi
16.3 body fat
98 lbs

Obsessively memorizing
Remeasuring
Plugging in numbers

Worrying if you look sick
Collar bones too defined
Hip bones jutting out just too much

Getting scared
Binging
Purging

Feeling deliciously empty
Thinking clearly
Everything fuzzy at the edge

It ain't a ******* joke
Caroline Nov 2019
Remember now.
Remember feeling loathsome.
Remember the sour taste of *****.
When you go through a jar of organic sugar cane spread chocolate,
You’ve hit rock-bottom.
Tomorrow already feels horrible
Caroline Nov 2019
Is something lost
Or has it never existed
Dead is the city night

The excitement is gone
Not what you expected
Confort me, my broken mind

Scold me by the throat
Even hidden the stars they know
I eat dreams before they bite

Is something lost
Or has it never existed
I’m Death’s dutiful appetite

I’m Death’s chef
I’m Death’s honeybee
His ***** pastry
His sweet cocoa baby

At least He loves me

Bon appétit
Sydney Oct 2019
Cakes, cookies, cheese
Oh can I have them please
Burgers, dogs, fries
I can’t live with all these lies

Friends, fakes, foes
Oh what I’d do for some ** hos
Mascara, lipstick, eyeliner
I wish I was in a greasy diner

Short skirts and high heels galore
I’m starting to look like a *****
They say they’re worried of my composure
They are the reason I changed my figure

Skin and bones they say
But they said I was the size of a sleigh
I did this for them to make them happy
But here I am unhappy and former fatty
If you or someone you love is going through an eating disorder please get help as soon as possible. This is very dangerous.
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline
To Mia

You see I know this girl  , I’ve known her for  as long  I can remember . Sometimes though for some reason ,Unknown to me, she makes appearance. For a while after she’s on my mind , constantly on my mind . It’s like she’s worked her way into every nerve every cell she’s there . I have to please her I’ve got to keep her happy. My mind is a  machine , a machine with cogs and the cogs keep turning but when she’s around they’re on overdrive constantly worrying to point where I worry so much it makes me ill .

You see I know this girl , a girl called Mia.

I direct this at you.
The one that clings to my sides,
hangs off my clothes :Weighing me down
Like a tonne of sugar  in my gut
Down .
Down .
I can’t stomach it any longer !  
You stick to every ounce of my being, Creating a blinding hatred Spiralling
Down .
Down .
Down .
my appearance to the public eye now untrue to my reflection,  I wont be added to your collection but the obsession to meet your expectations
is impulsive .
Addictive
destructive

empty swallows, hollow sorrows .
I crave it .
I need it .
you’ve infected every nerve .
I’m weak .
“hide yourself” , no one can see .
don’t  stop yet
please stop
I can’t stop
nonstop
drop .

I’m frail , one more blow from you
And I’ll crumble .
Nothing but a bag of bones covered in an
Off white security blanket .
You have thinned my hair ,
Made my nails brittle ,
And my throat swell .
But still you’re attention
Is what I crave the most
I starve to please .
To please you .
I’m starving .
I have struggled with bulimia most of my life , these are my thoughts to you Mia .
julianna Sep 2019
How can I send this message?
I tie a ribbon ‘round my wrist,
To keep a measure of my rib cage
And I scarf down my food,
I shower when no one’s around
Cause’ I can chuck it up in silence
Still trynna be silent because I’m paranoid
That I’ll spill Mia’s little secret
So many letters,
But I’m still wearing an “ED” necklace
round’ my thin neck
Read between the lines on my wrists
I don’t like being alone,
But I need help and you don’t give it, no.
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