[] Isn't it strange how paths can bend and sway,
[] Three years near, yet always worlds away.

[] Same school, same halls, yet never a sign,
[] Until fate decided the stars should align.

[] When the snow fell soft, our worlds entwined,
[] A friendship was born, so perfectly timed.

[] Since that moment, we’ve held on close,
[] Through every test, through highs and lows.

[] Late-night calls and laughter so bright,
[] Cuddles on couches that just felt right.

[] Cards on the table, some *****, some not,
[] Secrets between us that won’t be forgot.

[] He is the warmth when the cold winds bite,
[] A voice that is there to comfort, that tells me, you’ll be alright.

[] He lights up rooms without a clue,
[] His laughter paints even the dullest hue.

[] One hug from him bares the weight,
[] Just 8 seconds, and it all dissipates.

[] He teaches me love, he teaches me trust,
[] That hearts don’t break, they only rust.

[] One day, when we’ve found our way,
[] Our families will grow together, and choose to stay that way.

[] Through every twist and turn that life creates
[] Our bond stands strong and true, it never breaks

[] I’ll always have him, and he’ll have me
[] Side by side, where we’re meant to be.

Never wavering
Always thinking
Listening
Feeling
You are a mirror

Built to be constant  
To be melded
And stained
With colors only angels dream in

Crafted to reflect
To refract
To rebuild
To redefine

You are a bleeding blue
And a mellow lilac
And a crimson blaze
All in one

And there’s nothing
Your magic doesn’t touch
Or your soul doesn’t cover
Like fleece on gentle skin

You are calm and chaos
And all the heat in between
There’s no river
You can’t outrun  

My heart has known yours
In seasons of warm
And seas of grief
And in droughts and storms and
Through freezing rain

So now all that’s left
Is the rest of this life
And the thunder
And the light
And your reflection looking back at me

I see the quiet strength that is you—
Your courage, your spirit, rough edges and all,
And how in your presence, I find myself content to stand unguarded.
No pretenses, no lofty speeches—only the bare pulse of our truth.

i sit here, waiting
waiting for the right words
to come to mind.
what could i even say?
you’re gone.
not the dead kind of gone of course,
the gone that makes me never contact you
the kind of gone that
makes it hard to look in your direction
i never truly expected you to be out of my life
well, not like this at least.
you were the one person i trusted
with my whole heart too, you basically had it in your hands.
now that it’s over however; i see
every red flag that was hidden from my eyes
i was blinded, but this time not by love
this time is so very different.
you were my friend, the one i trusted
the most.
now, every memory is fading away slowly.
i doubt you think of me
but i will always remember you.

I would love to say our friendship is inherent. To say that our hearts beat to
the same pulse, that we have the blood inside us in common, and that our
words blend into each other perfectly seems like the right thing to say.
However, I would be lying. I have to fight and beg my emotions to reveal
themselves to you.
Trying to write about us feels like drawing water from a frozen well.
Miscommunications happen often and it's difficult to tell what you're
thinking.
But still, we are us anyways.
The water in the lake we grew up around knows our lives well. If its pebbles
and sand could speak, they would recite our every word back to us better
than we could.
The moon knows how much I care about you because I tell her often. She
shines brightly at our stories.
Even when I don't understand you, my mind pleads to.
My hands write the words I can't tell you, and the world of poetry knows
how desperate I am for you to know these things.  
My art glows with my expressions of you. It tells visual stories I have never
spoken.
We are not inherent. I have never been able to tell you exactly how much I
care about you. I am terrified of confrontation and disagreements, so I don't
always say exactly what I think.
But I'll always try my hardest to show how I feel. You may never read these
words, but I hope you somehow feel them anyways.

For
My Brother,
My Lover,
My Enemy,
My Friend.
For Someone I’ll Never Forget














I should’ve known. How time changes things. But I’m not talking about how my hair looks different from when I was running around in the school playground, Or how I was playing with dolls and dressing up, and now I keep my eyes glued on my phone. I’m talking about how I used to laugh with you in the back of the class, now I watch you across the classroom laughing with someone I don’t even know the name of.

We used to plan how we would set up our rooms in our future 2 bedroom apartment together, or how we get our first job together, how we would never leave each other no matter the situation. But instead I watch you walk past me without even waving.

I should've known. You would find someone that treated you like a person, they would stay on the phone with you through bad Facebook messenger calls because you never got a phone with service, you would follow them around the school at lunch break because you claimed to have no friends, and you would see a small smile form on their face because that same smile formed on mine when you told me you would rather be with me anyway.

Because I laughed on how your face was all distorted and blurry because we both had bad Wi-Fi, because I walked with you to the teacher to ask if we could sit together, because I buried my face in my hands when you were doing everything to embarrass me while trick-or-treating on Halloween, because I made you sign a contract swearing you would be my friend for the rest of eternity, because I treated you like someone, a person, a friend, my friend.

I should’ve known. That when you called me that night for the first time in months, it wasn’t because you wanted to talk to me about your show or because you were bored. But it was about how you and her broke up. It was about how you loved her. That you couldn’t find anybody because they all just leave. Yet, I still stayed. Listening to you sob and talk about you and her together. The next day instead of seeing you across the school cafeteria, I saw you next to me. And for a moment, I thought I could laugh with you again. But still, I should've known.

Because a week later you were gone again. With her. I should’ve known. All of that laughter and smiles would turn into jealousy and tears.

I should’ve known. You would find someone and get away from the groups of people looking at us in the hallways.

I should’ve known. You would grow up after saying you never would.

I should’ve known. You would walk with someone else to a class.

I should’ve known. I would get a new friend group with you not in it.

I should’ve known. I would call a friend and it wouldn’t be you.

I should’ve known. that the promise we made with each other to always be by each other's side was just another thing

I should’ve known from the start.

I miss the way we used to talk and the way I'd make you laugh,
I miss the way you'd let me cry, and the way you knew what to say.
I miss the way we fought for our friendship, confident that it'll forever stay.

I miss the promises of tomorrow, the plans we'll never see.
I miss forgiveness and forgetting sorrow,
and those times out by the beach.

I miss the early mornings, tie dying shirts,
complaining about our friends and goofing off after,

******* about our exes,
Everyone joking that we're dating.

Online get togethers,
But now, those memories are fading.

I miss texting all night,

Supporting each other's dreams no matter how absurd,
Breaking down when life got too heavy but finding comfort in each other's words.

I miss the confidence you gave me, the home i left my heart,
The things we'd only tell each other when our worlds were falling apart.

While it may all be different now,
Like we're no longer looking at the same sun,
Time graced us with lessons in helping us find out who we'll soon become.

But I still miss the call therapy sessions,
The walks out by your house,
The poems you'd let me read and the ones i write about you now.

Watching you fall in and out of love,
guiding you along the way,
Watching you lose it all,
and take your own life away.

God, I wish it was you he saved.
I wished you could come back, that I craved.

Then I realized it all didn't matter
You did what you did because you thought you'd be better of after.

But there, you left me.
You left questions,
You left memories..
And now, all I am left willing to do,
Is missing you.

We met once again,
In an instance
Outside of time.

You reminded me
You hadn't gone.
And, we caught up
On moments lost.

You explained,
It was just
A misunderstanding.

You had hid away,
To make us all
Realize
How much we loved you
When you were
Here.

The solace I felt
At your return
Filled me up.
Just like old times.

Until, you needed to go
Again;
Leaving me wondering,
When I'll see you again.

For, you had many
Loved ones to visit
That night;

And you were the
Shared connection
Between us all.

As I wiped the
Sleep from my eye,
I got ready for the day
Without you.

~

Yes, my friend, my heart has enough space to carry you a thousand times, back and forth from here to there. And, I know there will be a space for me in yours when I see you then.

In the mirror through tears, i notice that i am dressed in the scars of every deep wound I played off like a paper cut, and the phone in my pocket weighs a thousand pounds from your text messages.

I want to skip the ******* thing in a river.

Oil and water but just as much as I know we won’t ever mix, you convince me it’s all part of the recipe.

I have shrank down, cut pieces of myself like a cake and served everyone at every table a slice every time.

Stuffed my baggage in the closet and let you move yours in instead.

Cried like an anxious dog who’s owner wasn’t around.

And we called this pain love, for 20 years.

I slipped into the role, thanks to my parents.

Mentally ill and emotionally unaware,
It’s so easy to choose what’s easy and so hard to notice your love has gone rotten.

I changed my perspective and every smooth word started to sting.

I was kind as you were building up pieces of me to fuel your own fire.

I understood until I couldn’t anymore, but you never would.

Change your perspective with me, climb the mountain and realize the hike’s easier on the way down, i would’ve carried you all the way up if you asked me. But we sat for 20 years and heard everybody on the way back down talk about the view.

I chose to sit with you instead. And when I finally took that first step up, I should’ve known it meant leaving you behind me.

I am my own destiny. I am the bullet in the chamber and the consequences of the trigger pull. I am my own mind, I tended the garden of fear and worry and constant replay of mistakes and regret. I am more than who I think I should be for anyone else.


good luck with all the **** you’ve got going on. disrespectfully yours, your ex “best friend”

“I felt there was no
point in telling
anyone anything
that was happening
inside of me.”

Once I saw that,
I felt my purpose in
life had been fulfilled.

Once I realised that
I may be the main character
in my life and the background
in someone else’s, I rejoiced.
The “someone else” being my
best friend.

Once I know that I will depart their lives in either one day or one year, life becomes so much easier.