I stare at the cruel beast in my head with my mind's eye,
He blocks out the sun, making himself look like a total fright,
The muscle in my chest grow tight,
He turns me against everyone I've ever loved, however he might,

I feel the pressure on my relationships growing to a painful strain,
It causes an indescribable pain,
He tries to wrench me away from everything I love, he pours down reasons like rain,
I stare at the beast, as he transforms into a reasonable person, trying to best for me, trying to separate me from my pain.

But deep inside I know he's wrong,
I turn and walk out of the fog,
That has clouded my vision for years, I now know that the beast, is anger, and he I now know is a fraud.
He feeds me lies and hateful half-truths written on harmless little paper wads, sneaking them into my mind, oh so innocently.

I look now as I escape the fog and look into the sky, bright as the diamonds inside my loved one's eyes.

I was the beauty
He was the beast
I loved him
He didn't love me
I wanted him
He wanted the Knife
I sipped my wine
As he stabbed me twice
I was the beauty
He was the beast
But he killed the beauty
With his only knife

when i spoke
to you on
the phone today

i quaked when
i thought of
what you'd say

if i told
you i'd been
thinking this way



i wonder what
you would ever
think of me

if i had
read you a
poem i'd written (or three)

and let you
hear of the
creature we'd be



we would break
of your sweat
with many-toothed jaws

we would drip
of my blood
with skin-piercing claws

we would be
the perfect monster
flawless in flaws

i'm an animal coming alive
only for you tonight.
i'm not a night owl, to say the least.

but you got me growling like
a beast.
but we know i'm really the beauty,
and this is a feast.

Never ask me that question again.
Defying the body. Original sin.
Don't press the issue. Don't press your luck.
I would much sooner choose fight than choose ****.

Stacking the cards. Cooking the books.
Cry in the shower to cleanse ***** looks.
Slurp up your earnings. Feast on deceit.
Nibble on scraps while they're dining on meat.

Call out for help. Pity can save.
Swallow the fact that you're branded. Depraved.
**** for your honor. Fight for your life.
Take back what's yours by the edge of the knife.

Eat all the forces opposing your way.
Sometimes brutality's what saves the day.
Garnish their corpses with spite and rejoice.
Feed your desires like you had a choice.

Well,
things change
I guess we're moving on
see no point in rehearsing old songs

Wrong as it is
I'll pursue your best friend
Beause I'm tired of being grown
I can't be the bigger man

In belittling circumstances
circumstantial phrases
I show my true thoughts
and my two faces

Face it,
We could've been patient
what's the fun in running laps
if we always got to pace it

However, still cute words in our conversations
exchange photos
she my motivation

momentarily
apparently,
the living virus I embody
has signaled

I'm in need of another host
I need
but I know I won't
you see there this truer quote

"you don't know what you have--"
but I know when I grab
I need you most
I'm floored when I see you pose

I'm so flawed
but, do me this favor
pose for my camera
pose for the man you want

I'll keep you as a memory
I think my picture's flawed
will forever be and cleverly
I use you, yours

Impatiently, I rush things
with no forever in sight
I cite love songs,
give me extra credit: I'm selfish

Narcissisticly
I'm incredibly guarded -- she asks why and as my valentine
she's rewarded

Temporarily,
cause like any drug store
my seasons will change
Then it's back to reality

There's no bigger picture
take this card and my cargo
I don't need it
as I backpack my way toward my evils

He speaks to me
peacefully,
I'm home unprotected
with feelings used as currency

I withdraw --
I withdraw --
I withdraw --
I take you,
I take charge
I charge love on credit cards
she hates me,

I know it
but I'm over it
I tell myself this chant: this ritual
it's both sacred and needed

**** that,
I'm back in the mix
she's overdosed
comatose words as she pleads the fifth

mixed drinks
then it's hello Miss
I use ellipses
compliment her palette as I'm mentally abusive

Then sweep her off her feet again
the villain --  
I vilify
qualify her demons

insecurities, identified--
hidden with a flagrance
the aroma
roses scattered

my time has nearly elapsed
she only talks to tea cups --
kettles
who spilled that.