there are a million reasons not to love you but all i can think about is how empty i am without you

everything you have done to me has made me lose myself just a little bit more

all the compromises of my moral compass and changing my plans to accommodate your needs and

your words hit me like killer rain, tumbling down on me, sending me into a spiral of self-deprecation and insecurity

now when i see myself in the mirror i wonder

who am i without you

because suddenly the girl with the brown hair and her eyes a little too far apart and her smile a bit wobbly doesn’t satisfy the mirror anymore without you on my arm

you have given me a thousand empty promises and forgotten kisses and words that hit like punches that should have made me turn around and slam the door but instead i just stay and stay and stay,

my apologies getting caught in my throat like a bullet, suffocating me until i forget how to be happy without you in the first place

my heart throbs because the fingers you have wrapped so tightly around my heart are squeezing and squeezing and squeezing and my head feels like a giant is sitting on it because suddenly i can’t think about anything but

how sad i am. how hurt i am. how lost i am and somehow no one can lead me back to my sanity except for you but you are the root of my destruction

all of my problems lead back to you but somehow in some twisted-messedup-tangled-type of way you are the only person who can solve them

there are a million reasons not to love you but instead everything i do is to make sure you stay.

I woke up thinking about this.

         A Thought About Loyalty

I’ve been thinking about loyalty:
A many-sided world of nuances,
The subtle differences.
We all know it means faithfulness,
A sticking-to devotedly.
Unfurled it shows its nasty sides,
The negatives that worry me:
Allegiance and adherence -
-Ism’s steel prepared to go to war
Against all criticizers,
-Isms’ others
Carving up the brotherhood
Of man.
Not for nothing
That a missile system drawn
To sense and intercept an enemy:
Is named the Patriot:
A system to annihilate.

I worry ‘bout obedience,
Compliance and submissiveness.
I like reliability, dependability,
Dedication if it’s not perverted
Duty, if it leads to thought,
A moral sense,
An ethic that agrees with life;
Loyalty without the strife.
Loyalty to think about.

A Thought About Loyalty 9.10.2017
Nature In & Of Reality; Out Times, Out Culture II;
Arlene Corwin

When now becomes never
and fists remain clenched
through a heart distance silenced
macerated between fingers
in disconnected chunks of purity

When now becomes never
under the weight
of broken promises
fractured dreams still glimmer
like a sharpened knife in the sun

When now becomes never
days turn decades of disillusion
the tiniest lifeline of hope
slicing through every breath
the cruelest kindness
aspirating the viscous memory of emotion

When now becomes never
the beacon of a smile
fades into the darkness
that always surrounds it

When now becomes never
love lives on behind empty eyes
that hide a soul given
when never was never an option

I'm useless
I'm ugly
But he still loves me.

I hurt him
Because of my own insecurities
But he still loves me.

I'm fat
Have many flaws
But he still loves me.

I'm broken
Been hurt a lot
But he still loves me.

I'm tired
Of pretty much everything
But he still loves me.

I've given up
On many things
But he won't give up on me

He still loves me

When I say
Stupid things
He still loves me

When I act a fool
He still loves me

When I'm being a dork
He still loves me

When I cry
For small things
He still loves me

When I sing
Way off key
He still tells me
It's beautiful

He still loves me

He still loves me

And I will always love him.

I can feel the winds of change
brushing against my skin.
It's so close to here and now.
We cling to time because
we know if we let it loose,
it may never come back.
We're always running from it,
change, even if it could be good.
The tide always rolls in,
the sun always rises,
as change is inevitable.

By Arcassin Burnham


Try to not forget the souls that bind ,and intertwine.

And don't you say another thing about love , unless its life.

We all have our purposes in life , some the same.

don't forget your mothers name,
don't forget your mothers name.

Use to talk a good game about what , you should do.

Only you know your worth so don't let it intimidate you.

They say in the time that you get hurt , all you know is pain.

don't forget your mothers name,
don't forget your mothers name.

hate is just all the same,
love is just all the same,
breathing is just all the same,
living is just all the same,
but there will always be pain.

I'm so thankful to have such an understanding and loving character by my side.
Even when the wrath of the tides within me show, he listens and answers with healing words.
He always brings a smile to my face.