I’m now listening to Goodbye Horses over and over
wow
I really love this song a lot
and it’s a song I’ll hear again when I’m, I don’t know, 23 or something
and I’ll hear it in someone’s house
while I’m laughing at something and then I’ll say
“I used to love this song”
and nobody will care except for me
and then I’ll cry in the bathroom with the song playing in the distance and the sound of people yelling over it
I imagine myself to be homeless at least once in my life
holy.dhit
****
there’s this ad on spotify about ******* hot dogs and I swear to god ig comes on between every song and I’m going to tfucking cut my legs off if I hear it again I promise you I will I do not care if the hot dog is kosher please stop advertising hot dogs it’s not something that needs advertising honeslty people buy hot dogs zzso often I’m tired
anyway
the song started again
um
I really want to have a neighbor that is not very old
and I will go to their house often and talk about food and point out the sound of their voice sounds nice and we can go outside and say things outside at night . ****

I wanted to burn it all down.
Run away and leave this old town.

I wanted to drown all the ones who wronged me.
Sail away into the peaceful sea.

I wanted to curse my bullies all to hell.
Then be able to leave my comforting shell.

I wanted to seek revenge on that hideous *****,
Then sit on a throne filthy ******* rich.

But instead I found an alternative way to cope.
A way that brought me freedom and hope.

I put it the pen to the paper,
And let my thoughts free- float.

The eternal trench has been dug,
Each side gazes upon a day's destruction.
A battle where neither side shrugs
A battle built upon corruption.
The fight - for North Vespucci
The land that prospers from war
Each side sets skillful schemes too cheat
And they surely settle the score.

A voice, a rifle
Like bullets - piercing a party's heart
Accountants launder loot - leaving us stifled
Like the master tactician - Commanding an army smart.
Ideas recycled;
Luring unsuspecting souls in reach
Only to promise the unobtainable
Through their leader's speech.

Cowering in fear, neutrals despised,
Don't believe the mystic mirages of which they speak
Leaving us disenfranchised,
We are who they consider "weak."
For "weak" I may be,
But disenfranchised - I will not!
With a sincere soul I speak,
We must move to stop the blood clot.

For Weak I am,
But strong I will become.
Nobody gives a ****,
But my voice will be a victorious one!

And so I gave him my hand
And he turned it quizzically over within his
Skin weaving against skin
As he counted up each didget
One piggy
Three piggy
More.
Meat.
And he thumbed each lying line down to my palm
And trickled his fingers over the bone
Before tracing and placing his nails
Against the bloodied stump of home

He looked up
Why did you do it?
His voice a curious void

"They said I should lend you hand."
I said

Brow furrowed
Consideration
He cries
"I think you thought a tad too literal...but, thanks."

"Are you sure it's enough?"
My stumps substance soaked into my socks.

"Only they said to be prepared"

They didn't mean any harm

"That you might want the arm."

So maybe he touched my soul
And claimed it was old
Stole it
With honest intent
To never return it to my body

So maybe he touched my hips
And sank his teeth into my lips
Ripped them
With honest intent
To never hear me speak

So maybe he drank my tears
And extracted every fear
Before walking
With honest intent
To leave me dehydrated

Don't smash the glass between your fingers
Don't allow open wounds
So that the smell of your blood lingers
Only to empty every room

Silence the little girls mind
Silence every thought so she is soothed
Lock that little girl inside
So she is convinced that the lies are truth

***** ears and ***** words
Revolve around nothing but a ***** world

It's as if time
    Becomes a wisp
  Of vapor.
It leaks from my memory
  And distorts my concept
    Of concept itself.

      Floating through a place
    Filled with clouds of
  Creamy crystals
Being grasped by their
  Seductive claws,
    Tantalizingly slow,
      A shudder.

You
Freckles That Are Scattered Like Stars
Ancient Ruins
Slow-Healing Wounds
You
Lonely Nighttime
Flowers That Weren’t Forced To Bloom
Flickering Fluorescents
You
Inferno Eyes
Gray Sunsets
Silent Admiration
You
Glow-In-The-Dark Passion
The Color Of Cigarette Smoke
Voices Of The Past
You