I had loved you.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me.
I had loved you.
Even if I was still too small to seriously feel.

You cared for me, nurtured me, protected me,
Yet I had never told you just how much I cared.
I had never told you how much I was jealous when my brothers
Said they loved you, and I could never say.

I never spoke to you, not even a bit.
I never thought I could ever feel so much guilt.
Even after so many years,
Even after so many tears,
I regret never telling you just what I truly feel.

I loved you with all the strength of a universe,
No one could deny.
Even after so much remorse.
Even after so many lies.

Now it is too late to tell you that I love you;
Say the the three words that now cause me pain to say.
I will forever live with the regret
Of starting to talk so late.

Mothers day, to me
is just, another memory,
gone to waste.*

A day to stop and pause
and remember a lost cause,
only to move on, again.

Because to me, mothers day
is "my mother left me" day,
so, not a joyous occasion.

And try as I may, to hear
the words, "but another is near"
it's just not the same.

Because while I found another home,
my heart still tends to roam,
to other places.

And my thoughts just can't forget
about the life that I didn't get,
no matter how bleak.

But still I try to push past,
and make the smile last,
even if it's fake.

Because I know that someone loves me,
even if she did not birth me,
and now I call Her  *Mom.

The things she said to me 
Settled into the crevice 
Of my heart 
Previously unoccupied 

The tighter she hugged me
The warmer I felt
I could never recreate 
Her love for me

The words 
"Adopted" float around 
In my head
Like clouds in the sky

I've thought about it
A thousand times
And now I know
She thinks of it too.

I think my head's exploding,
but I've hurt like this since the womb.
The oxygen is waning,
here in this shrinking room.

Food haunts her like a monster
Seeking to devour her fragile facade
I don't understand anorexia.
Just eat something! Oh my god.

I won't deprive myself of nutrients,
but I'll strip my lungs of air.
I'm terrified of taking deep breaths.
What if she can't share?

She has scars all over her pale wrists
But I doubt she's ever felt pain.
She doesn't know how blessed she is
Or maybe she's just insane.

Her family took me in a year ago
But this distance still divides us
I want to love her like my sister
And just put all of this behind us.

I'll hold my breath till I turn purple
If it means she'll be okay
I can tell she's dreaming of leaving
How do I make her wanna stay?

Do I tell her about her beauty,
From the angles she'll never see?
Or do I tell her she can't go
Because of how bad it would hurt me?

Ah, so perfectly imperfect.
The way she paints the blue skies gray
I want to help her with these rain clouds
But I'm not sure what to say

She has such good intentions,
But this world has taken its toll
It's not fair for her to feel like this,
Bruises veiling her artistic soul

She is such a beautiful creature.
But her mind is tainted and battered
It's been poisoned with morbid books
And her self image has been shattered

I just wanna make her better
With the little bit of me that remains
Tie her flat-lining heart strings up in bows
And pump euphoria thru her hollow veins

If you can't make it on your own
Please just let me be your drug
I know I won't be able to fix you
But my withering body gives good hugs

Remember me?
I'm the girl you sent away,
Cause you were afraid for your REAL children's safety!?
What happened to "You're our daughter now."?
Did I mean anything? I mean ****?!
And you!
Remember me?
I'm the girl you molested!
After you said I could call you Daddy!
*******
You knew EVERYTHING that happened to me as a kid,
You shoulda known it would **** me up more than I already am!
And you!
Remember me?
I'm the little girl you *****!
While you were beating my mom and me!
You were getting so high, you probably don't even remember me.
But ****! You remembered when your friends came over! So why not?
And you!
I'm the girl you gave birth to!
But you never gave a **** about!
You only cared whether you were sober or not,
Or if your supply was doing ok...
Do you know you have a son too?
Oh yea, you do... But like everything else in your life,
You scared him the **** away too!
So now I have to pay?
I've already given blood!
What more do you ******* want!?
Haven't I given enough???
I mean really,
I'm a big girl now,
And I'm still paying for your mistakes somehow...
But you couldn't care less,
Cause you got what you wanted...
Maybe child support,
Or just some ******* you started.
I Just gotta know,
Did it pay off for you?
You lost so much,
You almost lost me too.
I almost KILLED MYSELF.
BECAUSE OF YOU!
And now I'm going crazy,
I've lost **** too,
For starters, my virginity...
But that wasn't my choice.
But it's all gone now...
And I still don't have a voice.
Second, Blood
**** and lots of it.
I've bled and shed for you,
And you ******* love it.
Third, my mind.
******* thanks a lot.
It disappeared one day
while you were smoking ***.
Do you know what you did to me?
Can't you see?
What the **** is wrong with you?
CAN YOU ******* REMEMBER ME!?

With solemn eyes and long brown hair,
Her life is a slide of emotional care.
Yes's and No's, a bus in the air,
Lies and worries, no one dare.
To enter her life is to be drawn into her bare sliced up heart, and try to wear the lies on her sleeves...
She swore she would never do it again,
Ripped from the headlines,
Her best friend turned on her, and tried to pretend everything was alright in the end. It spiraled down, starting to bend, until she SNAPPED and the authorities would send her away and she cried herself to be... not crazy.
Upside down and inside out
You turned my heart
Round and about
Took it in, spit it out.
You killed me
And there's no doubt
I'm dead you see
I'm going home
Not alone
But going to a questionable home
Where no one knows
The real me.

I was born of foreign blood
a fact that I cannot grow out of
and you cannot control;
But I am native to your heart.
You taught me that
I have always been yours,
that there was never any question,
and when my grass green eyes
reflect in your deep ocean blue,
I know that you are mine as well.