So often I fall into sin. More often than not, it's the same one or two. I fall down again and again and it's hard to not get discouraged. I heard a beautiful song today that said "a saint is just a sinner who fell down... and got back up again. There are good days, weary days and bad days, but in the end the good days outweigh the bad days and so I won't complain". To me, it's a simple and beautiful reminder of something we all too often forget. In a contemplation from St. Thomas Merton, it said that hell is hatred and it's a hatred not of other, but of what we know others see in ourselves. It is the "curse of shattered sight". (A secular TV reference, but well applicable for these purposes). Sin is a symptom of this shattered sight as well. It is a desire for the good, but the good is twisted and distorted and we are caught in the trap of "looking for love in all the wrong places". We see the worst things that other people see in us and fail to see the good. We end up turning against each other and destroying ourselves. The love that satisfies and fulfills is the love of God for us, his beloved children. He loves us and accepts us for who we are: good, bad, shattered sight and all and he sent His only son to die for us when we were his foe. How great is the Father's love for us! To be truly free, we must admit to ourselves that we are imperfect, and we make mistakes. Even when we ***** up pretty bad, good family and friends still love us, accept us, encourage and challenge us to move forward and keep doing better. If there are those like us who can do that, then surely God, in his perfection, will do that all the more! Accept yourself fully and embrace all of who you are. We cannot truly love others or be loved by others if we don't love ourselves. Next time you fall, remember: Jesus fell (in love) for you, and he fell three times (out of the fullness of love) for you, and got back up again.

Lord Jesus, please grant us the strength and grace to get up again when we fall down. Help us accept and love ourselves without condition as you first did for us. By your grace and mercy, heal us from this shattered sight in accordance with your will and may we find comfort and solace by your side in the shadow of the cross. Amen.

The teeth are brittle and break away.
Blood spills and leaves me…
Alone. It’s been getting worse since May.
Flowers that used to give me color, just remind me of Gray. The sea can’t grow,
no co-sign for my loans,
and tangents never helped me anyway.
The question of “Why?”, equaled ex’s that got eliminated, division from dimensions, so nothing Remains. I can’t integrate happiness into dysfunction, but my voices want to play. They’re constant and fill me with dismay. Help is so far away, it’s just another sign of my exponential decay.

He keeps feeling broken day by day.
This life isn’t a game but us demons keep giving him the play-by-play. The thoughts never go, they stay, drowning his stupid *** again and again until night turns day.
Pills and people are needed but unable to change his way. “Is it possible to substitute U?” He wasn’t needed anyway. He’s so ******* annoying, just call him Billie Kay. What’s the going price of a casket in this age and day? No one will notice him gone,
they couldn’t even say his name.
He appears most likely in Hell, it’s a praise day.
Nah we won’t even hurt him, he ain’t worth the flame.
Bit by bit he’s already done, with so much exponential decay.

Everyday is like the last
Every week a blurry mess
How I wish to make it stop
Just to hurt a little less

But how could I do that
When the reason for all this pain
Is the only thing I cannot fix
The only thing I cannot regain

When what's causing all this pain
Is a pain all by itself
The pain of losing love
That steals us from ourselves

Oh, the beauty of it
That we've all come to hate
And no matter what we do
No one can prevent fate

Pushed out of the nest,
Birds live in free flight,
Death or life,
They cannot rest.

Somewhere,
A blue jay lives in adolescence,
Binded by love and refusing to leave,
His mother grows tired,
In weary fashion she hates her peeve,
“Learn to live my love,”
She kicks him free.

Somewhere,
A pink robbin lives in adolescence,
Blinded by love and choosing to stay,
Her mother grows tired,
“Please you must learn to go away,”
Returning to others,
“You cannot make me leave,”
Her mother in a feather flurry,
Kicks her free,
She must deal with this pain,
This is her reprieve.

Feathers fall,
Lonely nights await,
Blue Jay has grown tall,
Walking away he has learned to live,
“Pink Robbin, why do you call?”
Blinded, ******, but okay,
Pink Robbin stays in place,
Horrid mess,
She has chosen to fade away.

Pushed out of the nest,
Birds learn to live,
Choosing not to rest,
Choose death or life.

People love in one of two ways.

They either love selfishly -
Where they love the parts of you that are easy to love, the light.
They use their love like a weapon to try and force you to change, to conform, to fit in the box that they deem appropriate.

Or... They love unconditionally -
Where they love all of you including the parts of you that are hard to love, the dark.
Their love is given freely even when it isn't returned and never do they ask you to conform.
They allow you to be free, to be you.

The second, sadly, is a dying concept. People have forgotten that we all have pasts, all hold darkness.
That darkness, those burdens are what mold us and create the foundation of who we are and will become.
It is a rare person who can see another, with their darkness behind them, spread out like majestic wings and accept and embrace all of who they are.

For years I have allowed myself to be molded, forced and made to fit into boxes too small to hold me for fear of loosing those I loved.
It is only now, recently, that I have learned that my wings, my strength and my foundation are always the things that others wish to change about me.

No more.
No more will I allow my greatest strengths to be deemed unworthy by those who are afraid to love unconditionally.
No longer will I allow those who love selfishly to dictate what parts of me are lovable.

I have always loved with all of me, accepted all of others (even the parts that hurt me) because I thought that by doing so, it would be returned.
I will continue to love in this way, whole heartedly and unconditionally.
I will just no longer stay when I am pressured to conform to another's standard of acceptable.

I have learned to walk away from those I love so I may be true to myself. One day, maybe I will find another who has learned to love and accept all that someone has to offer.
If that day comes, I'll be ready to receive what I have always given and grant another what they have always craved.
Untill then, I'll love truly for all of those who cannot, in hopes that they will see what it means to love unconditionally...

In quiet fields, I stand where winds have blown,
My petals scattered, seeds once brightly sown.
The world has tried to tear away my core,
Still, I root to live this life I abhor.

The sky is heavy, clouds a pressing weight,
I’ve stood in shadows, weathered storms of fate.
And though I bend, my roots remain below,
To find the strength that others seldom show.

Each gust has taken more than I could keep,
My dreams, like seeds, were carried while I sleep.
But still, I bloom, though weary in the light,
For even fragile blooms can hold their fight.

The years have left me cracks I cannot mend,
But in each scar, a lesson to defend.
I’ve learned to face the wind, though I may fall,
And fly again, even without control.

In every fall, I’ve found a quiet grace,
The kind that only time can now embrace.
For every step that took away my past,
I’ve grown in ways I never thought would last.

A dandelion, weathered by the years,
I wear my scars, but let go of my fears.
Though bent, I stand, a fragile bloom in air,
A flower rooted deep in quiet care.

On days like these, I pause and look within,
To measure all the distance I have been.
The seasons turn, and I have felt their mark,
Yet here I bloom, a flower in the dark.

In cracks I find the strength to greet the day—
The roots I’ve grown, no wind can pull away.
No light ahead, though I can clearly see,
That even in the dark, I’ll still be me.

I have struggled so long, but I have thrived,
Now that acceptance keeps my will alive.
And though the world may see me worn and torn,
I'm THEJHONDELION who walked through thorns.

Someone stained the sweater
So you soak it into the water
it's clean and wearable
that's how you feel

She wears you recklessly
and you remain calm
keep her warm
suffer the same stains
over and over

Acceptance
I'm a ball of yarn
no, that's not right
I'm a sweater to her
scarf for the mother
socks for the baby
hat for the lover
blanket for the stranger

Acceptance
A ball of yarn is useless
yet the strands come together
Grandma knits and knits and knits
and you find use
in comforting another

Could I be accepted
even when I am not a comfort
Always moving and improving
yet remaining the same to the ones I love
death comes for us all
and before it does
I want to live
To not be a means to everyone's end
To be selfish sometimes
And to feel loved
Don't you want to live
and still be accepted
(I do)
~M