He used to tell me “what if one day you wake up in a room full of all the people who wanted to love you but you were too scared to get hurt, so you pushed them away.”
My heart’s been empty for so long, i wonder if the ghosts miss you too.
I just wanted someone to be there when i stopped hurting.
I keep it all inside cause it’s the saddest place to hide.
He told me that the walls I built up will never be broken down.
No one ever tried.
No one ever showed me that there was a reason to love.
I just need someone to make me feel again; or at least like i matter.
I’ve spent my whole life running,
why won’t anyone ask me to stay?
Why didn’t you want me to stay?
You were the ocean, and i was the girl who was in love with the sea, but was too scared to swim. The empty space where my heart used to be is aching.  
No matter how far my mind wanders i am never able to stop it from clinging back to the dark shadows i try so hard to keep at bay; but when the waves crash back to the shore, my thoughts drown me, in ways you never could.

You just don’t get it.
Maybe you never will. Maybe I shouldn’t expect you to.
You just don’t understand.
Tired of all the noise in my head, when someone says your name or I think of you, until it gets so quiet I wish I never loved you.
Memorizing the way your lips curl when you say “I love you” doesn’t mean a thing anymore.
I keep having this dream where I’m in a room full of people who ever loved me and they’re all ghosts of you saying “I never loved you” over and over.
I wake up choking on your name.
Tired of wondering if you think of me when it rains, or before you fall asleep.
Maybe i’ll never know.
Maybe you’ll never get it.
I wish you understood.

The way it all stops.
Late night conversations and ‘I love you’s’ then you tell me you’re done, and months later ask me why i ever pushed you away, so i don’t. My friends ask where you went and what happened and all i can think is “I wish i knew” It was always yours against mine, always.
Until you decided to leave.
Pretending everything is fine, it is, to everyone else.
You just want them to tell you that you meant nothing to them, as if that’ll make you move on.
You think it will. Does the past ever really stay here?
How his eyes always felt like home, but you realize homes are always temporary when he leaves you.
Nights you just want to scream 'YOU STOPPED TRYING. WHY DID YOU STOP TRYING’ you built walls around yourself so thick you so you could finally move on but they always seem to slip through the cracks.
He packed his bags but left all the memories he had with you, and you realize that the trick is to find someone who doesn’t own a suitcase.
The pounding in your chest when he slams the door on your heart and you shut your eyes, this is all a dream, this is all a dream.
One second
Two
Three
Four
Why isn’t he back yet?
Five
Six
Did i lose him forever? OH GOD THIS IS NOT A DREAM COME BACK and you sit on the bathroom floor screaming with your heart in your hands. You didn’t want him to say sorry just please don’t leave please don’t leave please don’t leave.
Seven
Eight
Nine
This is whatever it is, i guess. It’s so cold without you. My heart still hurts. Baby i miss you, it’s so cold.
Ten
This is it, i love you