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Is it really worth it?
Does loving you out weigh the cons?
You mean everything to me.
But I have these voices in my head
Telling me it's wrong.
These voices make me second guess everything.
I don't know.
What if I'm doing something wrong?
What if you don't really love me?
What if I'm just fooling myself?
...
What if you're just playing with me?
I've had my heart played with before.
What if this is all just set up for heartbreak?
I can't withstand another break up.
What if?
...
These voices keep me up at night.
I can barely sleep.
Sometimes I don't sleep at all.
I just lay awake thinking of all the possibilities.
I can hear the voices telling me that you don't like me.
I can hear them saying things that I know aren't true.
But they make me doubt everything.
I don't know what the truth is anymore.
And that scares me.
(c)ibarker
 Jun 2018 stephanie burrows
Ash
"You need to be thin"
"You have to dress pretty"
"You are naturally tall"
are all you need
then give me a call"
For
your acceptance into the hall
I watched what I ate
I worked out more
and became the facade
to please them all.
So
Click away Mr
take pictures of this skinny
model facade I put on
Prepare
the runway Mr
so I can flaunt andwalk
pretty,thin and tall
just don't ask me
did you eat today
because I'll say
sure I did
I ate plenty of
undernourishment
with a side of regret
sprinkling of diet pills
for dinner I will eat
instagram photos of food
post a few photos of my
pretty,tall,thin self
and suddenly I won't
be hungry anymore.
So click away Mr
Yes I ate and will eat
today
and still maintain this
facade for them all
It's quite sad that most of us want to maintain an "acceptable lovable image "that the society has put up for us.We are caught up with this dogma that we don't mind the pain,I don't know if I should call it craving attention or a cry for help that our self esteem is taking a dive to the gutter.
 May 2018 stephanie burrows
alexa
hand shaking
decision making-
poor as always
i am mistaken
fell for the wrong one,
words slipped from my tongue
without a second thought
i'm coming undone.
"think before you speak,
you're individually unique"
but how do you love yourself
when your heart's always asleep?
dreaming about pain,
the never-ending rain,
help me please don't
let my words be in vain.
i'm trying to love you from far away
but i'm struggling to get through my day
without your eyes in my life
god i don't know what else to say.
distracted with another,
you're still my favorite lover
but i'm tired of all this
treating you like my brother.
everything is falling gray
no one will actually stay
despite how much i beg
"please don't let it be this way."
i deceive and i lie
without a reason to oblige,
talk me down from this ledge...
stop telling me goodbye.
Step 1: Get out of bed
Step 2: Look in the mirror
Step 3: Practice your smile
Step 4: Eyedrops to hide the red eyes
Step 5: Conceal the dark circles
Step 6: Breathe
The curtains are almost up
Step 7: Lock down the pain
Step 8: Ignore the weight on your chest
Step 9: Silence the screams inside of your mind
Step 10: Choke down the sobs
Step 11: Ignore the stinging in your eyes
Step 12: Swallow past the tightness in your throat
You’ve put on this show a million times
Step 13: Don’t let them see
Times up. Curtains up. Camera rolling
You know how when you’re not ok but you try so hard to pretend you’re ok that it becomes a ritual
 May 2018 stephanie burrows
Cné

Many days without a muse.
Whatever shall I do?
Too long away from poetry
and sans a point of view

The moon has been so beautiful.
But words just would not come.
The sunrise has been glorious
the sunsets strike me numb.

Romance is in the air tonight.
Perhaps a muse will see...
And strike a chord that gives
a voice to verses now in me.

I close my eyes and see much more
than sight can ever see.
Colors swirl behind my lids
and rainbows, vividly.

Butterflies and hummingbirds
a ship of clouds glides by
Howling wolves in the wilderness
a pink and azure sky

And so, I find I need no sight
to find my inspiration.
The mind is far more "visual"
and gives its own sensation.

Just writing....
 May 2018 stephanie burrows
Nyx
Tell me something
Would you dear?
Tell me something
I want to hear

Tell me I'm beautiful
That i'm better then the rest
Tell me I'm unique
That I'm incredibly blessed

Tell me that I'm creative
With all my writing skills and Art
Tell me that I'm amazing
That I'm insanely smart

Tell me that I'm special
The only one for you
Tell me that you don't need them
That you'll never tell me adieu

Tell me that I'm kind
That I'm tender and sincere
Tell me that I'm innocent
Even though I'm someone to be feared

Tell me that I'm not a mess
That I'm not broken inside
Tell me that I'm perfect as I am
That it doesn't matter that I lied

Tell me that I'm not unwanted
That my friends actually need me
Tell me that my soul isn't black
That you understand and can see me

So tell me with pure honesty
What is hidden within my eyes
Tell me that you know the truth
That there is more underneath my disguise
Tell me what you truly see
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