I often think,
Of everything I wanted,
But in a blink,
I’m back to where I started.

I thought I really would care,
Judge myself into submission,
But my mind is just so bare,
From which there is no remission.

I often think,
Of everything I once wanted,
But in a blink,
I’m back to where I started.

My mind is dark,
It’s got nothing that I wanted,
The future is stark,
But that’s not what I wanted.

I’m left to think,
Of nothing I ever wanted,
But in a blink,
I’m back to where I started.

The curtain draws,
My future has departed,
The sound of claws,
Red is how we started.

Right now I feel alone,
I have friends- really good friends!
They never leave me,
And they go by depression and anxiety.

Sometimes I talk to them,
We discuss pressing issues like politics and art,
Everyone else tries to tell me,
They're the ones tearing me apart.

But those others aren't my friends,
They aren't here now when I'm alone and when I cry,
They aren't there when I need someone to talk to,
Depression and anxiety, they're the ones that are really thoughtful.

As we speak I have a fever,
I'm talking to myself to what the best method of healing should be,
The others? They don't care about it either.

I'm in my house all alone,
Sweating, panicking,
Trying not to let my third friend join today's gathering.

I met my third friend through the other two,
We don't get on as much,
He makes the others dislike me.

He does this by taking control,
He plays with my body like it were a marionette,
He makes breathing impossible,
Speech incomparable to any modern tongue.

I have my ways of dealing with friend 3,
First I talk to depression and anxiety,
Count to ten,
Finally I'm free.

Mum I want silence,
I want isolation leave me be,
Mum I'm desperate can't you see?
I'm so frightened of what's beyond,
Mum don't leave me alone,
It's only you of whom I'm fond,
Mum the people they scare me,
They say I'm fine and free to go,
Mum I'm hurting can't you see?
I'm all alone wishing my crypt,
Mum I'm in containment it's what I wish,
It wasn't by accident that I tripped,
Mum I'm helpless but nobody seems to care,
I'm sorry I'm not strong enough,
Mum This pain I can no longer bare,
I'm sorry but the only way is to leave,
Mum you can't save my blood now,
I won't wear my heart upon my sleeve.

I have experienced my body divide,
My body has split in two and moved,
It's moved physically and mentally,
I don't know where I belong.

Physically I've moved from one country to another,
Mentally I thought I'd remain,
Agenda after agenda and attacks on those least fortunate,
Causation of my mentality to now follow suit and depart the supposed land of cultural heritage.

Going 'home' no longer feels like home,
It feels wrong,
I feel shaky, I feel judged,
I want to leave they're looking at me,
But I'm white I have privelidge,
My physicality doesn't let me fall to prejudice but my mentality does,
It's like I'm invisible,
Undercover, I'm a target but they know not of me.

Judgement made in prejudice,
Discrimination made in skin colour and faith,
This is no longer my home,
Goodbye.

I must free myself from these chains.
I'm drained.
Powerless.

I must liberate myself from them.
I'm weak.
Insignificant.

I must fight for myself.
I'm unstoppable.
Doubtful.

I must heighten myself.
I'm hidden.
Distanced.

I must live for myself.
I'm human.
Special.

Emotions drift with an influx of selflessness,
Edging and forcing one to do actions which may in turn be unwanted,
Emotions drift with a sweet sense of goodbye,
Relieving one of many duties and giving the most ever precious reward,
Emotions drift to a new source,
But the love still remains

I have a feeling deep inside,
So horrible so powerful,
It rips me from inside.

I have a feeling deep inside,
So complex so painful
It tears me from inside.

I have a feeling deep inside,
So scary so morbid,
It kills me from inside.

I have a feeling deep inside,
So guilty so sinful,
It persecutes me from inside.

I have a feeling deep inside,
So alone so isolated,
It abandons me from inside.

What is life?
I can no longer tell you.

I've discovered the darkest most secret corners,
Ones which I'm afraid of,
Yet I don't care about.

It's something I can't explain,
Being scared yet not caring.

I want it all to end.
The pain, the suffering,
I want peace,
That's all.

I don't know what to do,
It's getting so ridiculous,
I can't even walk beside you.

Your glittering eyes,
Your tall build,
These must all be lies,
With which I am filled.

Your first name is all I know,
No classes no hobbies,
None that I know.

Love at first sight is just a myth!
But your face, it, it's, I,

How can I love you when we've never spoken?
Who are you?
Where did you come from?
What is your name?
Am I going insane?

Butterflies flutter like there's no tomorrow,
Nausea kicks in; I panic,
I can't make eye contact in case you see,
I can't walk by without hinting a smile,
And I certainly can't talk without a stututtle.

Are you even gay?
I guess that's what I need to know,
Is your birthday in May?
I guess that'd be nice to know,
Next to me will you lay?
I guess THAT we'll never know.

He creeps in,
Makes no sound.

I feel him,
As he exhales his crystallising cold breath,
Cold to the touch yet warm.

He holds me,
Helps me,
Saves me.

His blue icy lips gentle kiss,
My neck is frozen,
My spine it shivers.

A tear flowing down my cheek,
Slows as it solidifies,
To cold, icy dust.

I'm stagnant,
Immobile,
Scared.

He slowly moves,
Icicles are forming on my chin,
As tears flow.

My eyes are shut but I feel his blistering, cold breath,
As it embraces my face,
I can breathe.

His lips move closer,
I can feel it.

They meet mine in perfect alignment,
And then it was blue,
As they joined mine we formed a lilac sea,
Cold to the touch,
Inviting me in.

My eyes opened,
He was gone,
Again,
I was alone.

What do you expect me to think?
You've gone silent,
Off radar,
Your presence I no longer feel,
So I question 'are you even real?'

No messages no texts,
Yet I know you're there,
Enjoying my pain,
And with jealousy,
Feasting on my happiness.

I loved you once,
But now you've turned.
Like the tide or the wind,
You are unpredictable,
But I,
I am finished.

For too long I have tried to hide my sorrow,
That it no longer exists.
For too long I have kept the fire going,
Without a single kiss.

I am the one you long for,
You've had your chance,
Now I'm leaving,
And you're not getting one glance.

I feel sick,
My stomach churns,
Whilst my head burns,
And I wonder if I can tell you.

You said you love me,
Forever and always,
But tell me this,
Even if I live life my ways?

I told you this on April first,
And a joke is what it to you was,
So a joke is what I kept it to be,
Because I still require you to love me.

I hear them in the background,
whispering their hate;
plotting their attack.

I was born sick,
I heard them say it.

I cant help it,
I've prayed for forgiveness,
But I was born sick.

I was born a creature of uniqueness,
A creature who should be judged,
A creature who should preach,
And a creature who should be happy.

I am happy,
And I am strong,
I rise against you,
Because I know you're wrong.

I stand tall and proud,
whilst you whisper.

I wasn't born sick,
I wasn't born wrong,
God cant save me,
Because I'm not in distress,
It was you!
You who created this mess.
And it was you,
You were born sick.

It's a vile thing,
One darker than death,
Yet more common than it.

It can rip ones soul apart,
And bring another to its knees.

You are jealous!? Of what?
Her success?
Why do you feel the need to bully and torment her?
To push her to her limits,
To push her to that dark corner of isolation,
And to push her away from life.

Her achievement is exemplary,
Congratulate her!
You were supposed to be her friend,
Don't depress her with your selfish jealousy!
The jealousy with which you feast on her success,
And the jealousy which turns you into Hyde and does irretrievable damage.

She is happy now,
She has what she wants,
So leave her be.

The fear of the same.

why does my happiness affect you?
Why do my pictures and comments spark hate?
Why do you feel the need to put me down about my life?

It's the way I am!
It's the way I've been!
It's the way I will be!

Call me queer,
Call me gay,
Call me bent,
I DONT ******* CARE!

Your insults aren't insulting!
Your words are useless!
You try to bring me down by labelling who I am?
That's pathetic.

So let me ask again,
Why does my happiness affect you?

So much so that people get hurt!
The community stand tall!
Taller than religion,
Taller than the government,
Because we follow our hearts!
And not fairytale's and scripts!
We live a life we choose,
One which makes us happy.

Your bible supposedly accepts everyone?
So why did my friend feel the need to **** herself because of you!
She was happy,
She was smart,
But you put her down!
You drove her to depression,
And for what?
After all I thought that God creates everyone?
So why create a transgender who is not to be accepted?
It's a bit stupid if you ask me!

She is in our hearts,
Always,
Religion means nothing,
And shall no longer hinder our happiness,
R.I.P Leelah Alcorn

The way he looks at me,
Flirtatious and full of life,
He doesn't yet know me,
Nor my fabulous gay life.

He is not gay- that I can tell,
But the way he looks at me,
I’m under his spell.

The sparkle in his eyes,
The secrecy of his smiles,
Butterflies in me churn,
Ones which fly for miles.

We have never spoken,
But I can't start now,
Because he wouldn't accept me,
Not then, not now.

He is so kind,
Filled with courage,
Rugby ball in his hand,
In the gym he takes his stand,
Well, what can I say,
That is my boy.

Still I have not told you,
Still the uttered words make me tremble and fall,
Into a deep coma of thoughts.
I'm not accepted,
And our friendship would die,
I love and cherish you,
But will you do the same for me?

Being gay is not a choice,
I want a family,
Can't you see!?
And a family I will have,
One, which is right for me.

You can no longer dictate my mind,
Make me feel inferior to society.
Because, I am part of it,
I make up society.
I am happy and free,
So accept it,
I am gay, as you can see.

Why do you frown upon me?
The disgust your features hold,
I am the one who has been there,
The one who has helped you,
And now,
I am but a mere outcast,
Lost and forgotten,
Hidden in a closet so deep,
Where my greatest secret I must keep.

You force me out,
But only to tear me apart.
You don't hear my pain,
Only see the cover of a so deep and emotional book.
Am I insane!?
Am I the one who is wrong?
Am I the one who has been the judge?
And held the grudge that Towards which lucifer himself would show dismay?

The cries from you,
Emotionally pathetic.
The cries from me,
Eternal and hectic,
I am the one who is hurt!
Why do you shed tears at my pain,
And not help me through my dark and evil sin,
Which religion so heavily attacks.

I have a confession,
So deep and dark in the eyes of society,
Yet something I perceive to be so light and acceptable,
This secret the closet can no longer hold,
So of it come out I must.