I lie here
time ticks by me
the Earth continues to spin.

If I stay
they keep going
- people lives, without me in.

If I move
I can join them
become a part of it all.

If I don't
will they notice?
To stay means a shorter fall.

Is mans attempt to organize a disparate group of words into a singlular coherant statement capable of telling the story of a life.

I'm beautiful
You've told me all evening
and will tell me all night
but will I still be beautiful
*in the morning?

small cheap rooms where you walk
down the hall to the
bathroom can seem romantic to
a young writer.
even the rejection slips are
amusing because you are sure that
you are
one of the best.

but while sitting there
looking across the room
at the portable typer
waiting for you on the table
you are really
in a sense
insane

as you wait for
one more night to arrive to sit and
type Immortal Words--but now you
just sit and think about it
on your first afternoon in a strange city.

looking over at the door you
almost
expect a beautiful woman to walk in.

being young
helps get you through
many senseless and terrible
days.

being old
does
too.

Mommy said if he's mean it's because he likes you.
She said boys are backwards and upside down.
She said boys are young dumb and fullofcum.
She said close your eyes when you fall so you don't see how much it's going to hurt.

I still have bruises, she said.

No one tries to save the monster from themselves

do you think
there is a chance
I could turn this all around

if I choose
to stand up now
can I lift up off the ground

in my life
have often made
a string of stupid choices

choices made
despite the cries
of many helpful voices

I believe
maybe a day
will come when least expected

where I might
forgive myself
not feel so **** rejected

What I would give for your attention.
I would give a lot.
What I would give to not have to give
for me to be in your thoughts.

What I would give for your affection.
I've given it much thought.
I would return the pencil you gave me
which doesn't happen a lot.

What I would give for you to look my direction
Without you thinking someone else it hot.
What I would give for an emotional connection
that would occur more often than not.

            What I would give to know what to give
                                           because I know your love can't be bought.

Words are ****.
They make me want to rip a pillow with my teeth
Or marinate in a sensuous heat.
Where you'll be, sitting there.
Waiting to kiss my spine and touch my hair.
Tell me regaling tales of what you think.
Of what is rational or obsolete.
Worlds like Suggestive, Sarcastic.
Forlorn and Bombastic.
Makes my skin melt and heart palpitate.
I will no longer settle for those who are adequate.
I need substance. I need someone (you) to say.
That you're enamored and beg me to stay.
I want that learned passion that only we
could portray.

'If I love it let it go'?
**** that, I say
If I love it I'll pin it down
I'll make sure it ******* stays.

I love. I love so much it hurts somedays
And I'd rather die than let go
Than allow it to slip away
Than to let it bring itself low.

My hands are cramping, I can't let go
I am terrified and I'm crying
But if I let go I don't think it'll come back
So I can't, I won't, I'm not even trying.

I want to scream and tear the world apart
I want to burn every suicidal letter I've written
Because I just realized a letter isn't enough
I want to make it better for him, for them.

I think I lost my mind today
Half of the day is a blank blur
I think I might've been hysterical
I laughed so hard but I don't know what for.

If you love it let it go
If it returns it's yours to keep
But if one can't ******* follow
Where the hell do the ends meet?

I'm angry, I'm furious,
I'm absolutely everything
I'm scared, I'm shaking
I can't let the things I love go free.