lost in my trap of idealism, i
can’t stop looking at you, i
run my eyes down your body
sting of longing rakes through my bones
you will never be mine
you will never be more than a fantasy

you drift over me, a gust of fresh air
resting gently onto my bones
but even your feather-light touch
digs like a thorn into my side
your comfort rejected, smothering stultification
mutual love exiled, favoring isolation
apologies i whisper as i lower myself into the ground.

My failures cascade down my flesh
Wondering, will you make me whole again?
I don’t even care to try
Better to clutch this bottle and
Let the amber hit my throat
Better to soak my suffering in brown
And let the sweet haze take over me

I feel you festering in my throat
Searing my lungs
Living in the moment, I inhale my self-destruction,
Casually chasing my own death
But you give me more warmth than they ever do,
Your toxicity on my tongue
Tastes so much better than their words

Eyelids flutter,
Tonight I am alive.

quivering hands
grip this blade

invisible to all eyes
soul annihilated
ash descends
slowly

muffled abyss plunges here

apologies stifled
lick, diminish
****, collapse
swallow, ruin

quivering hands
clutch this crushed heart

swallowed by the tempest
thrashing in the waves
harboring self-destruction

swept away by the breakdown
ravaging the vulnerability within
intensity unmatched
aimless passion blinds

light devastated by the dark
desire never-ending
jaded by the pounding hopeless flow

**** just to see the glare
of the distant sun