The scent of alcohol on your breath
leads me to think that what you're saying
is not sincere whatsoever

The way you hesitate when I ask you something
leads me to think that you're sick of me
and I shouldn't bother you anymore

The way you sigh when I talk to you
leads me to think that I am no more but a burden to you
and you'd be better off without me

The way you smile when she talks to you
leads me to think that you'd be better off with her
instead of with me

Id rather give into my demons
that constantly run my mind

I am no longer myself
and I never will be

for this has taken over me
and Ill never be the same again

And soon, ill let them take over
*without a fight

There will always be someone else

someone better
someone thinner
someone smarter
someone prettier
someone taller
someone cuter
someone perfect

so at the end of the day I wonder why I have the audacity to think I'll ever be someone if there will always be someone else.

You've been gone for over a year now
but whenever I unlock my phone
whenever a notification goes off,

I cannot help but hope it is you
I pray that you've seen what you done
How you've hurt me, and damaged me
and maybe apologize

But how foolish can I be
you never cared about me
and you never will

so I don't know why I still hope
to see your name flash across the screen
with a sincere apology

I hate having to explain how I'm feeling
for its like explaining why I breathe

There is no simple way of putting it
I cannot construct the sentences that would satisfy you

All I can think of is why you care
and how in reality you don't care

So in the end, Im better off just saying I'm fine
rather than having to explain it all

Don't tell me to change
because I'll change for the worse

even though it seems bad for you
it'll seem like the best for me

because tearing myself down
is easier than building myself up

and i'll change me for the better for me
blocking out any form of emotion

so think twice
before telling me to **change

They say honesty is the best policy
so let me be honest with you

I hate myself
I always have
I always will

I can't do anything to change how I feel

I can't fix my face
I can't fix my voice
I can't fix myself

You want me to be honest, and you want me to change

But I am honest, and I cant change
I never will be able to
and you'll never understand

There's not enough painkillers, to relieve the ache left in my heart
Thinking of it alone, makes my head pound

You were everything to me
but I was merely a speck of dust in the dessert that is your life

And at the end of the day
I may die of medication

but I sure killed all the pain you left behind

There are so many traces of you left

The scent of you on my favorite sweater
that lead me to think of the movie we watched together

The doodles on my notes when you weren't paying attention
all drawn in my favorite pink pen

The things that remind me of you
hurt the most when I think of them

And I do realize, how much I miss you
and all the traces you left for me to find

My soul filled with sadness
the day you said you were leaving

I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces
It would take too much effort to put it back together

All I felt was numbness, that wouldn't go away
no matter what I tried, no matter what I did

I couldn't tell the difference between destruction and creation
It all just seemed the same

And after you left, you moved on
but I was left cutting my fingers
trying to put back the pieces of my heart

wondering if it was worth it at all