Back at it again
Knife in hand
But it's not the blood I want
It's the pain
The pain just makes it all go away
It's distracting
It's grounding
It makes me feel like I can control
what's around me;
what's happened to me

What's happened to me?

I don't really care about my past
I just know I don't want a future
The present is such an impossible inbetween
And I'm stuck

This isn't what I want
This isn't what others want for me
But their expectations
Their glances
I just want to go unnoticed
In the dark and in the quiet
Unloved and unwanted

Maybe I care too much
or maybe it's the lack of medication
But my mind is overflowing
with constant consternation

When you disappear on me
it's like my heart has gone rogue;
A vast cavern left inside my chest
no tears left to disembogue

But my feelings are very present
A tangled mess of fear and panic
as well as a deep love and longing
everything so fresh and very organic

That's what we have
and that's what we are

unknown
afraid
and passionate
All very chaotic

But one hundred percent real

Where did you go my love?
Please don't keep me waiting long...

Your smile is a fond memory
Though I remember it faintly
I care about your happiness
Sending warm regards
and thoughtfulness
May you be happy and have peace of mind
May your happiness flourish
and your heart feel kind
May you appreciate your feelings of joy
and simply remember
Your peace is a choice