This wasn't finish but the website won't let me change the privacy or delete it while I'm on my phone  so I will finish it and post it later.

I should have asked you to stay for one more minute
A second to explain your life to me
A second to remember what it was like when you were here
A second to remember what it was like when we were together
A second for your voice to be somewhere other than my head
A second to talk about where you've come from
A second to sit together
A second to hold hands (at least in spirit)
A second to love each other one last time
A second to dream together like we used to
A second to see the whole world, hand in hand
A second to be alone with someone else being there
A second to hear you breathing
A second to cherish forever, if this is our last chance
A second to count the colours in your eyes (They look like little galaxies)
A second to say goodbye, although I'm not very good at it
A second to run down the hall with you, one more time
A second to think about what would have happened if we had stayed together
A second to think about what would have happened if you had stayed
A second to smile at you. I think you might like that
A second to see you smile; I love seeing you smile
A second to sit in the grass together
A second for you to just be there
A second to sing that song that we used to love
A second to look forward to something
A second to hear you breathe
A second to watch the sunset
A second to listen to the birds outside
A second to see you when I turn around
A second to exist with you; we didn't have a lot of time to do that before
A second to watch the snow fall
A second to pick out shapes in the clouds
A second to count the craters on the moon
A second to walk in the rain, and
A second to just feel it
A second to read with you, and
A second to watch you read. I loved watching you read
A second to watch that show together
A second to show you Venus and Mars: we can see them without a telescope
A second to hear you say my name; I hate my name unless it's you saying it
A second to hear your heart beat instead of mine
A second to count the days I've known you for
A second to hear you play the clarinet
A second to watch your hair flop in your face
Can we just stare at each other for a second? A second to stare at each other
A second to show you the tree I used to climb
A second for you to meet my dog (you still haven't, but she still loves you)
A second to write together
A second to show you my old notebooks
A second to show you our old school
A second to show you my new one
A second for you to show me yours
A second for you to tell me about the places you've been
A second for you to tell me everything you've seen
A second to let you know how wonderful you are
Another second to make sure that you will absolutely never, ever forget it
A second to show you that you are not alone anymore, and
A second to prove to you that you will never be alone again, unless you want to be (I will always be here)
A second to wonder where you're going next
A second to wish you weren't going to go again
A second to watch time run out
Can we be together for one more minute?
You know I'd stay with you forever if I could, but
If we just have one more minute...

I was yelled at when I wasn't perfect
And maybe that's the way it has to be
Maybe perfection has to be built
As if you were a cracked egg
And had to become a bird with no broken feathers

Please be sure to read the fine print*
My name is Lydia, but I hate my name
I buy dresses that I'll never wear,
I like to cut my hair when I get upset
I only feel pretty in the mirrors at stores
Please initial here__

I need you all twenty four hours of the day
I need you to remind me every few hours that you love me
I am terrible at accepting complements so please try very sparingly
Everything is my fault, I apologize in advance
Please initial your understanding ___

I sleep from eight to four, but I don't get up until seven,
Except when I do to get tea
Or when I don't because I'm sad
I want you to wake up with me so I can make the bed, and make you breakfast, and make you tea
Coffee gives me headaches
Please indicate that you accept these terms. Circle:
Yes, or
No

Sometimes, I will tell you I'm sad,
But for all of the times that I won't, I will tell you now
I am always sad
But I won't actually want you to know that
So when I tell you that I'm not, please let me lie to you. Once in awhile,
Please try to believe it
Initial here ___

Someday I might let you hold my hand
I will be scared and sweaty
It will feel like your first time, but it really will be mine
No matter what we do, I will be inexperienced and horrified
I am codependent and afraid of commitment
I will never be able to let you go, even if I push you away
One more initial, please ____

I will not kiss you,
But I will love you with all of myself
With this contract, all of my words
And heart
And soul are yours.
You will stain my heart just by appearing
Tatoo my mind further every second that you stay
You will draw beautiful pictures
Colour me in,
Bring me back to life and make me feel like a human again
And I will still be sad,
But you will let me glow.
I will shine for you, irredescent
If you leave, you leave scars where I tried to get the tattoos removed
However long you stay, you are permanent,
But you are lovely, even if just for that time
You will be loved,
You will be held
I will never give up...
Please sign below, indicating that you have read the terms and conditions of letting me fall in love:
___________

Oh
My
God
Please
Be there.

I fell in love with sand
Pretty little beads of silica and broken shells and crushed rock
A little pressure, a little heat, and it would be glass

Sand is not solid
Beaches slip in and out with lunar orbits
So love got washed away
Love was replaced with seaweed and less coast line

When I was a child, I looked for perfect, unbroken seashells
As I grew up, I looked for jagged edges, and dull finishes
You can't hold sand

I’m apologizing to our old memories for calling you the wrong name again
When I search for your text messages, they start with the wrong letter
End with it, too, never meet in the middle
I’m sorry that body never chose you
Never chose to hold onto the only thing it ever thought precious
When you told me how much you hated all the dresses,
I wondered if you hate all of the times I did your makeup, too
If who we were together is woven shut with apologies you’ll never ask for and I’ll never give
Sometimes I wonder if the body makes a choice
Or if it flops around until someone tells us we are something
Did I ever say you were a girl?
Or did you go to prom wondering how to peel off the layers of hips and chest?
I know your name and wonder how it fits you out loud
It feels all angles like you must have felt in a girl scout uniform
I’m out of airspace for wondering
All I was looking for was some sort of grounding
Some red wire or telephone poll or tall building with an elevator
Because if I was electricity, you were something else and I don’t want you to become something to burn
But I still mourn you, sometimes
Like you burned her down

You told me not to shut down
When you left
Because I'd push my friends away
Sometimes I dont want friends anymore
I want silence
And closed doors
A safe harbour
Other people's feelings cloud my judgement
I can think up wonders
But not when in hiding
Hiding from them
I like shutting down
Shutting down is quiet
Shutting down is safe
because they can't get in
Shutting down is what I do
When I can't think my way out of things
Because of all the noise
The noise
The noise of other people
Feeling
It's so
Loud.