I know her eyes, I know her eyes, I know her eyes.
I've stared into them for every hour of every day, I've carried her in my heart, in my soul.
I know her eyes.
They aren't the same.
They aren't ablaze.
They are not her eyes.
I've stared at the glassy exterior that covers her eyes, I've stared at the round cheeks and the thin hands. I've stared at the soft appearance of her skin and I regret every hour of every day for all the moments I lose not being able to hold her.
I carried her for months, supporting her until she could breathe and once she started taking those breaths, everything went wrong.

And she was gone.

I stare into the pictures of her for hours every moment that I can but still, it's not enough. it's never enough.
And I regret each and every day that I can't hold her, that I can't stare into her big, round, hazel eyes; and there's a new she now, one who's eyes aren't hazel, one who's skin doesn't look as soft, one who was able to breathe right and still continues to. And I guess it's a blessing but it feels like a curse, because I know her eyes and *they are not the same.

I heard your voice on the radio
Each word transmitting
from your lips
You touch me more than you even know
From my neck to your fingertips

To be under your skin
is where I should have been.
From the start I knew
a little bit of everything
except you.
And to know you
is to know everything.

A year into our marriage he said he wanted out. I said no I'm not giving up.

Society tells us "Do what makes you happy." We are a nation of quitters. It's ok to quite at the slightest inconvenience, "It's just not for you, that's ok."

No it's not ok.

A small part of me wanted out too but I'm not a quitter and I serve Christ before man. Selfishness was the main problem. I had it all figured out on what my husband needed to do to change and make things better. God showed me trying to fix him was only going to make it worse.

I needed to change, I needed to have the unconditional love for my husband that Christ has for us. Forgiveness and mercy needed to become part of my daily vocabulary. So many nights I cried myself to sleep alone. I could have chosen to hate him and lash back at him. What good would it have done me?

God had me humble myself. God alone is the judge of man. Who am I to judge anyone? As long as I am right with God I am protected and loved. God's love is greater than any man.

Then something major happened to my husband that could have torn us apart if I had been focused on doing what was right in my eyes. Instead I took the opportunity to reach out to him, to love him at his lowest.

If I had been playing by the worlds rules I should have kicked him while he was down. Even after all he had put me through I had a deep love for him that reached a spiritual level. God brought us together and rekindled a love that had been trampled on and forgotten.

Let God's love lead you. 'The opposite of biblical love isn't hate, its apathy. To stop moving toward our spouse is to stop loving him or her. It's holding back from the very purpose of marriage.'

1 Corinthians 13:17- Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 3:19a- For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.

Romans 2:7-8- To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, He will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil,there will be wrath and anger.

James 4:12- God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor?

There’s a certain beauty in a woman who assures her beauty, who believes in herself and contains her assurance. A woman who doesn’t want to be someone else, yet who wants to do better not be better. A woman who invites you in - helps you surpass your fears of uncertainties. She sings along in delight and joy; living, loving, running along the rivers of natures gift. Plainly a woman with a past, an unknown future who she is not afraid of, but looking forward to reach it. A woman who isn’t afraid of getting old, who is gaining knowledge and strength daily. The past is something she learns from, the present is her best friend and the future yearns for her substance.
This -  Is a Real woman.

Where is my promised land?
Where is the land of peace?
What about all the things you put me through?
What about all the things I did for you?
Did you forget about the way you held my hand?
Did you think you would not see my grief?

You took away my promised land.

All that I did, I did for you.

All that I have, I had from you.

All that is gone is because of you.

this is not a cry for a help

this is a story

the story of a girl who used to smile a lot and laugh at the right times. the story of a bright beautiful girl with pretty soft skin and freckles on her nose. this the story of a girl with vibrant black hair and sparkling blue eyes.

this is the story of a girl who worked hard in school because she wanted to go somewhere. this is the story of a girl who pushed herself to be the greatest she could possibly be. this is the story of a girl who cared and cared and worked and worked...

until one day she stopped.

this is the story of a girl who has had enough. the story of a girl who had been pushed too hard to keep on going. this is the story of a girl with no way out. this is the story of a girl who can't cope anymore.

this is the story of a girl who can no longer smile without crying, and whose laugh is cold and void of emotion. this is the story of a sad girl with bumpy red skin that is covered with scars and cuts. this is the story of a girl with dull black hair and empty eyes.

this is not a cry for help

this is a story

the story of a girl who no longer cared.

(a.d)