the heaviest thing i’ve ever encountered
was the silence that hung low between
hovering bodies
—a weight bearing down on shoulders so worn
and chests so tight.
breaths quivering as fists shut, withdrawn of
any life and color.

the silence spoke volumes, it whispered
things that need not be said out loud.
the silence reminded you of the distance
that had grown over the course of time,
of the changes that took place but were
being cast aside for either one’s vanity.

this silence bore down on strained necks and
crooked spines. it demanded recognition.
but nobody wants to acknowledge
the obvious when the silence is telling you
it’s time to let go.

—210126; when silence becomes the loudest thing in the room, it’s best to acknowledge it and to take it for what it is

arms around each other,
slow dancing in the dark.
steady breaths in the silence
— that was our song.

I sold my soul
to the promise of you
and got the Devil
in return

i am so
in love with
you

And I mean You.

And you know it.
You Know It.

Yet,
here i am...
Hiding.
Because you told me to.

And I mean You.
You Know It.

being with you
is akin to lurking in the shadows
desperate to breathe
when all you choose to
offer is smoke and dust
parading around as clean,
crisp air.

it's craving sunlight,
the warmth of its rays,
when all i can have
is obscured by thick, tinted glass
-- only you know
i exist behind it.

it's wanting to wade in a cool
refreshing pond,
but all i can feel is grime
& a cold, mucky
liquid sloshing around
-- drowning me

i honestly can't find better words
to describe how it is
to be around you--
it's akin to trying to breathe
with you holding a bag around
my head, whispering sweet nothings
as i gasp.

you know i would take in your
smoke and dust.

I witnessed your unraveling
as she tore you to bits.
Eating at your very core until
things seemed irreversible.

I saw how things changed
when I picked you up piece by piece.
You weren't the same but

It was like looking at shattered pottery
put back together, gleaming with gold
at the cracks.
The same, yet new at the same time.
Renewed.

Then I saw how you went back to her

I still think about it on most days...
How I'm okay with how things have turned out for the most part... but there are days when I think back to that one time I said my piece and things haven't really been the same since.

How would I be right now if I never told you what I told you that night seven months ago?

I tend to wonder if you even mean the things you say to me because you know I mean what I say where my feelings for you are concerned.
Is it all mindless flirting? Do you think I'm playing? The things you send to me, how should I take them?

On most days, I think I'm okay; for the most part, I think we're good.
It just eats at me how something tells me you won't stay.