It took me 10 years to let you in. 10 years to allow you to look at me and truly see me. 10 years for me to let you look at the piece of me I've never gotten back. That piece is yours. Hell, all of me is yours if you want it. I don't know if I can bear to be anyone else's now, knowing what I know; how things could be. And this is why it took 10 years. I've always been afraid that once I tried you I wouldn't have a taste for anything else. I let you in completely. No walls. No pretenses. No pretending I didn't. Now what?
You are not broken You are injured People get injured all of the time and that's okay People only become broken if they allow themselves to stay injured
WRITTEN BY: Mandie Michelle Sanders WRITTEN ON: September. 30, 2015 Wednesday 4:54 PM
These places feel strange. They smell Wrong. I dare not taste them. I want my home back: The familiar smell Arms which feel like comfort A face which looks at mine and sees me Not my skin or my hair or my eyes But me: My soul. I want to come home. When can I come home?
"A lil crazy", he says I guess I do look a bit crazy sometimes I love with all of me I only give up when I've exhausted every resource and every avenue. I surrender only when it's my only option left for self preservation. I have two speeds: Stopped and full throttle. I do not do half-assed or just a little. To someone who doesn't understand that I might seem crazy. To someone who sees it for what it is Maybe it's beautiful
You're my other. You understand. You engage. You listen and mull things over and discuss. You let me run and you run with me. You don't just let me run and wait for me to come back. You run next to me. You exhilarate me. You allow me to breathe. You breathe for me when I can't breathe for myself. I miss you terribly.
For once in my life I want to be happy happy and hopeful and confident I want to not beat myself down before anything can happen Or repeatedly remind myself that it's "probably nothing" I want to go to bed and not worry that I said the wrong thing or that I'm thinking too much Or not enough. I want to not feel like my feelings (or my heart) are too much I want to not have to feel like I need to squelch my wants and my hopes and my dreams because if I dare to reach for them I am going to get smacked for thinking that any of that is something I could ever have. I want to not feel scared of letting myself love. I want to not feel scared to be authentic in my current existence. I want to be allowed to shout who I am and how I feel from where ever I want. But that's not the world we live in. I can't. I can't fly up too high or too close to the sun. People who fly too close to the sun get burned and fall to their deaths. The sun doesn't let things hug it. It doesn't want a friend. Not even another sun.
Don't really know when it's okay to talk to you Is it okay to talk to you? You only answer at certain times Maybe you're just busy Maybe you have nothing to talk about I want to talk to you about everything though. I want to tell you about my day About my classes My lack of art this week My professors My classmates My job Veronica's dog. I feel like I would be a bother if I did that. So I try to say nothing.