Went out last night my cousin had a few drinks which led to me being the DD. It was fun staying sober makes me realize how far I've come. Im not perfect and being sober doesn't make me, I'm just saying how I do my best to not fall into bad habits.
It was suppose to be a bowlingarty most of the time it was in the bar. I enjoyed the karokie it was fun to watch and enjoyed my the crowd better than being the center of attention.
Woke up late but its okay working a late shift today. Im ready been working other departments it will be a nice change to be back in my area. Works great things could be handled better but in time things will work them self out.
I like going out but being more responsible I'm focused and nothing seems prepared but once my attention is else where It seems like I missed something.
Things are well met a girl she's cool but I'm overthinking asking too many questions instead of going with the flow. I'm not looking to hurt anyone or get hurt. I stopped dating but haven't found anyone who's worth the fight I'm so use to exes or girls picking a fight. I'd argue but found its better to walk away especially if you know that you haven't done anything wrong.

Had a talk with a friend I've been feeling isolated my hours not cut so I have to budget I'm on a list at work I'm close to fulltime or benefits but they don't want to give me any.
I've been writing out my thoughts on my dating lifevom not trying to make the same mistakes twice. I'm talking to a girl I need to work up the confidence to ask her out. I'm a few years older I've lived and she's still learning I don't want to be a road block. Its been a while since I've found anyone interesting I usually get bored or not the one.
I've been working on a few sketches one called failed romance and working on a few song writing lyrics helping my friend come up with ideas for songs its an interesting process.

I'm doing well this is my 3rd no energy drinks giving up a bad habit I took up once I quit drinking. Thankful for my support group who call me my actions if I'm falling back into those habits.
My love life had been stale I don't need anyone to be happy. Found happiness in my passion and what I love not in other individuals. My friend seen a girl who he thinks would be my type. He's the worse match maker ever but that's my opinion how do you hype a person up if you dk anything about a person.
I'm feeling good relationships aren't everything. I'm focused on JJ and writing they keep me sane. On the  mats I learn my techinque get better if not let the person I train with better.
Writing has been my way to figure things out not so angry or looking back but letting go. Moving forward the only story I can get lost in is moment I don't want to forget. I let go do I can live now life is about going forward not back

"How are you?"
"I'm fine."

"How are you?"
"I feel sick, sick like I'm dying. Dying from all of the things that used to make me happy. Your pictures on my computer are killing me. Your old letters are killing me. Every memory of me and you and everything we used to be, is killing me. But the thing that gets to me the most, the one thing that tops all other reason for tears: The fact that I can't talk to you about it. I can't tell you about how much I miss you or how much  I loved you or about all of the hard times. I can't ask you if you feel the same. I can't ask you if you want to try again. That's killing me, not having my best friend."

It's embarrassing to say
but I talk to your picture when I can't bear it anymore
It's just I really miss you
And you aren't here to hear anymore
I almost called you the other day
just to hear your voice
and also ask you what type of deodorant you use
I could imagine the conversation
I would ask you
and you'd laugh and ask me why
and I'd say I missed the way you smelled and it's cheaper than a plane ticket
and you'd get quiet
and I'd get quiet
and the conversation would be cut short
by the same honesty that lead to you not being here anymore

I still can't sleep at night because you wander across my eyelids,
but you'll never know.

Some days I can't stop thinking about you and some days I wonder why I start.
{bcg}

I put on another dress
I apply another coat of blush
I curl my hair perfectly
     I look like a dream

I take another pill
I pour another glass
I pull out a razor
     I hurt like a nightmare

I tell another joke
I give another kiss
I smile till I forget
     I fake like an actor

I never told my mother about you
I knew it would be ******* her
And even harder on me
So I just never told her

But sometimes I would feel sad
Because something reminded me of you
And I would get up and go to the bathroom
Because I couldn't cry in front of her

She has no idea the hurt I was in
She has no idea the pain I endured
She has no idea what I had so
She has no idea what I lost

But a song will come on
While we are riding in the car
And my eyes start tearing up
And I can't tell her why
And she feels so bad she starts to cry

I've given so many excuses
Allergies, the wind, an eyelash
And even though she doesn't believe me she doesn't pressure
Because she understands the truth must be too painful for her ears
{bcg}