he walked silently to the nook of my heart where i was most vulnerable. he ignited a candle light in a room that had been damp and gloomy. his thoughts were conveyed with a light touch. in his heart, he had nothing but love to give. his arms were a pleasant surprise. one who is not afraid to take risks. as time went on and despite my best efforts, i was becoming increasingly dwindling. my heart rate has slowed down.

i felt safe in his presence, and he shielded my emotions while strengthening his inner soul. he inspired me in my fierce battle against the knife of loneliness. his tender kiss washed over me. it was his palm that rested on my soul. in the hope of a new beginning on walkways painted in soft pastel colors scented with jasmine and marigolds, framed by the sunsets of deepest blue sky.

staring out the window on hot summer dawn, as i look up in the sky, i vaguely recall becoming trapped in its twinkling stars and made me feel like i was in the midst of a mesmerizing little village at christmas or a sea of fireflies in the woods. however even the brightest star couldn't match with the splendor of the early morning light gleaming through your eyes, or the way you could see every star in your vision. in the wee hours of the night, their radiance was enough to illuminate a thousand cities.

you were the universe, and i was merely a tiny little particle that dropped to witness your brilliance, and so i reached out my hand to you only to be struck by the emptiness that had taken its place in your presence. for more days than i cared to remember, you were barred from embracing me. even yet, i'll keep reaching for yours in the desire that you'll show up along the way to meet my grip. despite the time of day or night, i only hope to genuinely love you like much more than i did the last time we met.

after all, why would anyone ever want to see you go? those moments when the summer breeze can't compete with your warmth and love. there is nothing more endearing than the bright sun rising in the morning. sometimes the flame is too hot to touch, and i have to find solace behind the tree for a while. your figure, on the other hand, will not decay, nor will you be eroded by the weather. your presence is the only one anyone would like to see, much like a bee that is longing for its flower to bloom— i'm a honey bee, and you're a delicate flower. reflecting rainbows after a little mist of summertime fog, having me within you will not bring an end to your dreams. our nights will get more luminous as well as our days as season goes by.

i was young back then, already into my last year in school. i have waited quite a long time to get old, so i feel like i owe it to myself to make the most of my advancing years. my mom used to tell me that life is a one-way street as if i am too foolish to understand it. i just wish i could travel back in time and be a child again. i just wish i could walk away from the gloom and doom of this life. reliving all my childhood memories by listening to my grandma's fairytales about angels and demons. how can i forget those days when the nights were so short and the days were so long yet there was magic everywhere? those were the days when i made castles and sailed paper boats when it rained. in the fields, where i tried to catch butterflies. those breathtaking and eloquent memories have gone.

i miss the days when i felt so carefree and unencumbered by the burdens of the world. i wish i could experience those days filled with laughter and joy once more. the hot sun and heavy rain didn't matter. everything seemed to work out like a dream. during vacations with grandma, she would fed children delectable cookies and enthralled them with fascinating tales. i love the days when i played with my friends and sat down by the bonfire while singing and dancing on the midst of the night. these were the happiest years in my life and i remember them vividly.

memories flooded my mind of those golden days of my youth. i wish i could go back and be a child again. i’m tired with the sound of my own tears ringing in my ears. i'm tired with continuously fighting my own battles. tired of struggling with challenges that continuously reappear. i am tired of remembering—remembering how i used to be so happy. tired of the blame—the blame i put on myself daily.
for several nights now, i've had to put up these drenched pillows to ignore the past because every time i dwell from the dead and buried, i couldn't stop whimpering in those silent mumbles of the night. those tears seem to be exhausted. they just keep on pouring like a never-ending storm. i can't help to ask above if the tears that i shed every night are the stepping stone to heal the scars that i bear. this sickness is still fresh, as is the misery brought on by unrelenting sorrow. it was tiring to drown on my own anguish. it was infuriating to scream and not be heard. the sounds of my own weep were deafening.

can tears really cure this invisible disease?
can tears really heal these invisible wounds?

because if this is the only remedy to heal the traces of the past—i will let them flow as if i would never get tired. i'll eat everything else until the last speck of each vestige from the past is gone.
tell me—how many seas of tears must i shed before i can see the tranquility i crave for?

dearest you,

my mind is like a blank paper, seems to be waiting for someone to write it a letter. i do not know how to think, what to say, or how to even breathe. in the past, i have seen the hard things in life pass right through me, and i haven't even bothered to react. it looks like i have never been hurt.

this is not a poem, but rather a letter to my parents telling them that yes, i may be young but i know the feeling of debilitating effects of numbness. that yes, i may be young but i understand the feeling of wanting to drown your overwhelming sorrows in alcohol, smoke, or the company of another person.

this is not a poem, but rather a letter to my family in which i express that the things i've been interested in aren't wrong. this isn't something i picked up off the internet or from a movie; this is something i've felt my whole life. i've come to the realization that i can love anyone the same way i love myself despite their differences.

this is not a poem, but rather a letter to my first love, in which i confess my desire and embrace the tender heart that dwells within me for you. while i understand that you may not believe me or ever see me with you again, the love that i have for you remains in every word i've written to you since it is only when i write my true emotions come out. however, the love that i have for you will only live on in every letter i send you.

this is not a poem, but rather a letter to my mind, in which i convey my view that it is alright to overthink, but that it is never tolerable to forget to breathe. you can't imagine your life without the adventures and warmth you've enjoyed. there is no way to live without conflict or hatred, just as there is no way to live without grieving or shattering. all of this builds to your self. so what's the point of changing it?

this is not a poem, but rather a message to my heart, in which i ask why you are acting as if you don't worry? scared to emerge from the shadows, scared of being crushed, why are you acting as if you are unable to love, as if you are unable to change the world, and as if you are unable to follow those dreams that are passing behind your closed eyes?

this is a letter to them, in which i wonder as to why they are fascinated with who to love at such a young age. why not just wait for it to cross the border? and if it's lost, why are you still there? being in pain and staring as if you are not wanting to try make it today.

this is not a poem, but rather a letter, written to you and your heart and mind in essence. a letter to anyone who wonders while they slumber their laments floating away into the night.

this is a letter from someone who is full of hope and desire to make a difference and leaving a word that you will not be entirely fine if you are not going to beat the whispers from hell.

always and forever,
amanda

umuulan nanaman pala.
paglipas ng takipsilim ang akin isipan ay patuloy na binabalot ng kadiliman. ilang oras nang naninimdim sa gabing lumalalim. kasabay ng pag buhos ng ulan ang pag agos ng mga luha na dulot ng kalungkutan, umaasa't naghihintay pa rin sa iyong muling pagdating. naiinip at  kung minsan pa'y napapailing, kailan kaya muling makakapiling? ilang nakaraan na ang lumipas subalit ang puso'y patuloy pa ring kumakaripas. naiwan sa 'king isipan ang mga bakas **** pilit kong tinatakasan. mga alaalang bumabalik sa mga yakap at halik mo'y patuloy akong nananabik.

umuulan nanaman pala.
kasingtulad mo ang isang paparating na ulan; darating, magpaparamdam at pagkatapos ay mawawala lang din pala. hindi ko maiwasang hindi maging malungkot sa sakit na iyong idinulot.  ang paglakas ng ulan ay siya ring pagkirot ng sugat na iyong iniwan. nakagapos pa rin ako sa iyong mga pangakong napako, gabi-gabi pa ring nararamdaman na para bang nakapaloob sa sako.

umuulan nanaman pala.
maalala ko na naman ang sugat na aking napala. luha ko'y patuloy na sumasabay sa pag agos ng ulan subalit lungkot ko'y hindi pa matangay. nararamdaman ko ang lamig ngunit mas nararamdaman ko ang muling pagyanig. mahal pa rin kita, sinta. ngunit gusto kong ika'y kalimutan na. subalit paano? sa tuwing umuulan ay ikaw ang aking naaalala. paano ba matatapos ang paghirap na nadarama? kapag kaya sa wakas, ang ulan ay tumila na? matagal na rin pala. siguro'y panahon na upang sarili ko naman ang aking unahin at palayain. para sa ikalalaya ng aking pusong iniwan, para sa ikagagaling ng pusong lubos na nasaktan.

sisimulan ko na— sisimulan ko nang makalimot.

pero teka lang muna—

umuulan nanaman pala.
'wag naman sana pero ayan na, papatak na naman pala.

huwag naman sana dahil—
dahil—
maaalala na naman kita.

in the middle of the dark dreary night, i sigh and remembered our fondness flight. you were my sun who brought light into my cold and lifeless night. and i was your moon seeing that no matter what i do my life will always revolve around you.

you were my light who tauten up the day and make the bad go away. you showed me your gleam in my gloomy hour and soothed my soul. you shone too bright consequently my skin reddened and blistered. the pain came out on what was just proposed to be good. in spite of that, the wounds eventually healed and you continued to light my way in this world.

as the time passed by you continued painting the starry night sky into a bright blue sky. you died every night just to let me breathe and live the night. i know it makes no sense but the two of us were lost in the past. reminiscing our wounds,  the agony grew bigger and deeper. as we revolved around our range, we were alone in our voyage.

you were my sun that showered the hills with orange, yellow light and waking everything up and i was your moon who couldn't never reached your light for it was fiery illuminated. your light had gotten dimmer in my eyes up until the raging fire that i had once felt for you— shrunk and diminished.

in the middle of the dark dreary night, i looked back on our enchantment. it was a fate when we met but our time were hard to catch and our days never match. as i was the moon dancing with the stars glowingly and luminously, our lips met softly. just like an eclipse, our love created darkness. while hours felt like minutes, it was enough. whilst it was just a short period of time, it was all worthwhile. you were my sun and i was your moon and we were never supposed to collide, but now we coexist as one. and when the time was gone, we drifted apart. tell me, how am i ever supposed to forget the one that illuminates me?

in the blue mystic moon, i ached by the hauntings of you. gazing at the night sky, i embraced the silence of the night and curl into its weary gloom. the shadow of yesterday veils my weary eyes. something drowsy begins to seep from the corners of my muddled mind. i still hear your voice at night, sometimes i wish you did not quit. even the moon misses your sight, i wish i knew why we never said our farewell.

bringing that memories again, i lie here with my eyes closed softly as i think deeply of you while inhaling the scent of the twinkling light. i want to write this feeling as it must be like writing words on the tiny paper so delicate and precious wishing them not to disappear like the bubbles in the air. recalling that lovely moonlit night, we were together on that precious sight. you filled my sky with the stars as you brought out the best in me. you bloomed in me in my darkest night like a moonlight that shines in my soul that no one can see. i am the night sky and you are the light that pack into my soul. it was pretty near perfection as we share the light of the moon. the way the moon dances me from a crescent beam in the sky to a luminescent pearl this is how we share our love.

just like the moon and the sun, we were not meant to collide. our love burned so brightly and passionately that it attracted other celestial objects, resembling the planets to join and admire our ethereal affection. as we revolved in our universe, i chased you like the moon every single day to beg for your sunlight and light up my world. we're just like the moon and the sun, always catching the glimpses of one another, waiting to dash against together. i have been a moon for too long now, dimmed and cold, starving for your warmth. through the endless chilly night, i stayed in our orbit and waited for you. i have faith that the universe destined us to be together. that one day, i will have my full radiance again and you will return. but if the times comes that darkness filled my way, meet me in our rendezvous and see me waiting for you.

can you light up my way home one more time? if not, be my home instead.