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  Jan 2017 elizabeth
Star Gazer
I used to laugh at the boys who felt heartbroken or saddened by a girl, I used to think of it as an absurd emotion. I am grown up now, and that kid inside me still wishes I could view such a thing in the same light mannered way, but I can't. I wish I could still laugh at those boys without a few painful memories of my own. I remember the first moments of shyly teasing, pretending that we didn't know what was going on, pretending that neither one of us will grow to develop feelings but I guess that is how the world works nowadays. I remember seeing her smile and it is the only thing that I needed to pick me up from a terrible day, a terrible day dripped off the page like rain of an umbrella, the very moment that I saw her smile. That smile, it's a rare smile, so beautiful and yet so mysterious in a way. I was content with just seeing her smile from cheek to cheek because it meant that she's happy and I guess all I wanted was to make her happy. I remember getting to know her, the more I learnt, the more I was intrigued. Sadly humans are the one beings that aren't living in a simplistic world where dreams are made to come true. I remember dreaming of her, and me, together (not in that sense for those with a slightly dirtier mind), we were together drinking coffee, drinking liquor, playing chase on a beach, watching time pass us by in each others arms.
I remember her name, and it may seem so simple but nothing was ever simple with her. Her name was complex, her personality was complex but it's the complexity that made her stand out. I wandered off a wrong path once or twice but suffice to say I knew which way I always wanted to go, I knew where I always wanted to go and it was right to her arms. In my eyes, there is none other more beautiful, more special and made me feel alive as she did. So although I haven't met her in person, I always knew she would become amazing things, only suitable for an amazing person.

I remember many details about that time of my life, the wounds are still fresh and the memories are still haunting me but that's the good thing about it, I can still remember everything that ever made me smile.

[The girl who made a million of my dreams come true.]
elizabeth Jan 2017
I talk to myself;
It scares me how much I do...
Maybe I need help.
January 7, 2017.
I talk to myself a lot, and imagine whole scenarios and conversations. Is that normal? I do it a lot when I'm alone. And the more I talk, the faster my mind races. The faster my mind races, the faster I talk, and so on and so forth. It scares me a bit..
  Jan 2017 elizabeth
Hannah
I was 20 years old
when my depression
came back.
It hit me so hard
it knocked me off my feet.
I had 3 years.
3 years of feeling so much,
while sadness lingered
just below the surface.
Waiting,
for the perfect moment
to cut my rope in two.
That rope
was my lifeline.
Now,
the days drag on,
but the nights seem longer.
I gaze out the window,
watching the snow
cover the world outside.
I can't help,
but wonder
if nature is ever
this sad
when all her beauty
is dead
and buried.
  Jan 2017 elizabeth
Just Rachel
Use heart,spread light
Receive such,make right

Teach love,hold true
Help man,new view

Dream found,hate go
Prepare world ...high,low

Soon gather,rise fast
Believe,know..best -last
Missed you guys...I've been dealing with some personal things,hopefully be on more regularly <3
elizabeth Jan 2017
Sometimes I wish you would
Hit me and kick me,
Make me beg for mercy,
And torture me forever.

Sometimes I wish you would
Beat me until I'm numb,
Make me cry out,
Cut me until I can't bleed anymore...

Sometimes I wish you would
Use my body,
Give me everything I deserve,
And tear me apart...

Sometimes I wish you would
Just throw me through a wall,
Break every bone,
Make my tears stream into my wounds...

Because that would be
So much easier than
Sitting here and
Watching you be with her.
January 7, 2017.
  Jan 2017 elizabeth
Mr Himel
When she left, I felt so hurt
It just hit me inside so deep
She hit the door on my face
For a promise that I couldn't keep

I couldn't say bye or anything else
She kicked me away so fast
I loved her once and for all
And it will be my last
I like to read your comments.
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