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Sarah Flynn Apr 2021
I used to want to **** myself,
so I did. I killed myself.
but not in the way that
you're thinking.

I killed the old me.

I murdered her bad habits
and tore apart her self-hatred.
I cut off her toxic "friends"
and blocked most of the
contacts in her old phone.
I kidnapped her and took
her on a relaxing vacation.
I taught her a lesson on how  
she deserved to be treated.
I gifted her with new clothes
and some therapy sessions
and a newfound sense
of long overdue self-respect.
I took every part of who she was
and every single detail that she
hated about herself, and I
squashed those feelings
with my bare hands.



I killed myself
without taking my own life

and a confident, loving,
unbelievably beautiful woman
rose from her ashes.
Sarah Flynn Apr 2021
oh honey, I hear you.
I hear those cruel words
you whisper to yourself.

I can hear them even when
you are silent because
I used to whisper them
to myself too.

I used to think that
no one heard me either.


now, I'm here
to tell you that
you're not ugly.
not even close.

it's just that when you
hear something enough,
you start to believe it.


you cannot erase the
memories of the mean words
that were once said about you.

the sad truth is that they
might always remain
stuck on a repeating loop
in the back of your mind.

you might never be able to
silence them. I haven't yet.


but what you can do
is drown out their noise.
what you can do
is yell louder.

honey,
go look in the mirror
and tell yourself
"I am beautiful."

and then say it again,
and again, and again.

say it louder
and LOUDER
and L O U D E R.

"I am beautiful."
"I am beautiful."
"I AM BEAUTIFUL."


you might never be able
to forget those cruel thoughts,

but what you can do
is remind yourself
that they are only lies.


you are beautiful,
even if you can't see it yet.
especially if you can't see it yet.
Sarah Flynn Apr 2021
your last text to me
wasn't anything special.
"Mcdonald's or Burger King?"
that's all you said.

I thought that maybe
it would be easier because
we didn't have any amazing,
memorable last conversation.

I thought that maybe
it being so normal
would be good,
but it's not.


it's not good
because your last words
were in the form of a question.
a silly question, yes,
but a question nonetheless.

"Mcdonald's or Burger King?"
you asked me
and I didn't respond in time
and now the weight of
everything that I could've said
is forever on my shoulders.

"McDonald's or Burger King?"
you asked me
and I didn't respond in time
and now whenever I drive past
either of those billion locations,
I think of you
and all of the things that
we left unsaid.


"Mcdonald's or Burger King?"
you asked me
and then you died,

and you left me
with no more time
and no right answers.
Sarah Flynn Apr 2021
...and in the end,
we went our separate ways.

you don't love me
and I don't love you
and that's ok

because you taught me
how I deserve to be treated.


because of you,
I love myself

and that is the greatest
love story of all.
Sarah Flynn Apr 2021
I cared so much about
everyone else that

I must've forgotten
how it felt to care
about myself too.
Sarah Flynn Apr 2021
when I was younger,
I had these hopes and dreams
and this one huge goal.

I wanted to leave this world
a little better off than it was
before I existed in it.



now, I've realized that
all I want is to
leave this world

and I don't care if
it's better off or not.
Sarah Flynn Apr 2021
I thought that by now
I'd be happy.

I've been battling
these demons for
so, so long.

I don't want to lose.
I don't want to give up.
I just don't feel like
I'm able to keep fighting.

the truth is, I'm not
strong enough
anymore.

I need help,
but I don't want it.


please, teach me how to
disappear in peace
without taking
a piece of you
with me.

you need to
remain whole.
you need to
fill in the gap
left by my absence.
you need to
keep fighting.

keep fighting.
do what I couldn't.
please...
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