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this is killing me this is killing me this is killing me
barricaDEAD
trapped between
four walls

I can't feel a thing besides
loneliness
im such a leech
i deserve this

going back to the army tomorrow
all i feel, thinking about that
is sorrow
  Apr 2014 Nimrod Morgenstern
Chris
Pink, that was the sky tonight
Pink and grey in the dying daylight
Wiped over the view from ear to ear
Makes them all naked but warm and clear
Those embroidered old men that watch the shores
Proud but lazy they gently bide their time
For soon will be night and false flattering glare
That hides their wrinkles from all who pass there
Will hold them for hours without critical eye
Still now for a moment they hold their breath
While day boasts its last
In triumphant pink
This one's about sunset over the Danube River in Budapest. The pink sunlight catches the beautiful old buildings ('those embroidered old men') that line the river and the sight is breathtaking. Once the sun has set they are lit with floodlights - another wonderful sight but very different from the natural sunset.
royal purple
around my eyes
cough out my lungs
***** my guts

rage
fills my heart
and I just want to disappear
fight my fear
social anxiety
don't leave me alone

somehow
my words repeat
themselves
and
my thoughts repeat
themselves
but that is just me and how I feel
I try and solve it but it is too hard
sometimes.

crosswords of words I could never free from the cage in my mouth
pigeons of peace
empty of hope
heartless
I'm often faced with the question
"why don't you just take medicine?"

Zoloft
Prozac
Lexapro
Paxil

do they take away the memories
or replace the words slipping through their mouths?
do they stop the fluttering of thoughts racing around my tired brain?
do those tiny capsules create apologies or never said goodbyes?
do they stop my thoughts at the late hours of the night?
do the scars on my wrists magically disapear?
do they erase the images of every bad thing that's ever happened?
do they suddenly make me good enough for everyone I wasn't?
The only way I want to see you is
staring back at me.
I'm vomiting
and not only life itself
even words
feelings
basically everything.
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