I wonder if you can find the time to think of me
thoughts crowded with everyone else, anything else
I understand how complicated that must be
yet still, if you could, would you think of me?

As I stood above the others, looking down upon their plea,
I felt the lies that shook from me and cried out blasphemy.

The strength that holds inside of me is not amongst my own,
The dirtiness that’s filled with me can’t find itself a home.

As I lay before the altar side, a knowing smile within,
The punishment they gave to me was only the first therein.

As I step outside the ashes, to send my challenge out,
I feel the chaos rising in and know there is some doubt.

A loss, a gain, the angst, the pain.
They all remain the same.

For I was not the one they hailed,
To lay beside the king.

As death decays my jaded soul I’d healed before I thought,
The agony I felt that day was something they had brought.

A gift they said, to scar and curse,
The words I made were in reverse.

Irreversible to those I know and those among I love
I realized then, what I must do and gave myself a shove.

For it was now my time to go,
To rise above it all.

And what I did could be so low,
So cursed and evil,
But I can see their wicked eyes,
And knew it was my call.

Breathe.*
Choke on the cold,
feel your lungs tighten,
your teeth ache.
Hold your arms in themselves,
cradle them as they shake beneath goosebumped skin.
Walk.
Walk slowly so you do not force wind against yourself,
walk slowly so you do not have to choose where you are going yet,
walk toward light.
Let it spill over you,
feel its heat,
you,
still frozen at the core but the light,
it is so warm.
This.
This is what you have been waiting for,
what you wanted but could not articulate,
this gentle touch.
*Breathe.