I'm feeling crazy
I miss you
where have you been

dear my friend
I think I'm feeling some way
I think I'm avoiding it
I swallow the feelings down

but
the butterflies I keep coughing up
they keep coming out

I don't feel safe
dear my friend
I hate you
this is all my fault
why do I love you so much
when did I love you this much

where are you now
are you okay
tell me is there anything you can say
I feel worse when you don't

I just want to sleep
I want to dream of you in my arms

dear my friend
this is my fault
don't ever come back

I loved her
before
I even
met her.

I talk to my cats,
to the shadows on the wall,

I talk to myself,
or I don't talk at all.

I'm swirling in thoughts
that won't stay away.

I spend far too much time
wasted this way.

Stuck somewhere between
depressed and numb,

My only reprieve,
sitting in the sun.

Moments while the rays
illuminate my skin

I don't feel so trapped,
I dont feel shut in.

You love me
Like a dog loves a bone
Or a cat loves a mouse

Which is to say
You love me for a while
Until I no longer taste good

You love me long enough
To carve tooth marks into me
But not long enough for it to stop hurting

You love me
Like a tree loves water
Or the sky loves the stars

Which is to say
You love me when you need me
When I am there and there’s no one better

You love me half the time
When there’s not too much of me
When I am accentuating your beauty

You love me
Like you love yourself
Or I love myself

Which is to say
You love me sometimes
Despite all of the pain

You love parts of me
The parts that are there when I’m happy
Or when I pretend to be happy

You love me
The way you know how to
And I love you the way I do

And over time,
My pen stopped bleeding
But my heart didn't

Years ago
We stayed up till
3 am talking,
And today
I don’t even know
How to say hi,

Love didn't end wars
It started them

“what are we?” she asked

with despair, he replied, ”we’re nothing”

Get a job,
a husband or wife.
Make yourself comfortable
in your own life.
So they tell me
or would have told me
if they were still alive.
But they are dying slowly
by the magic pills.
They are no longer there
to protect and care.
I no longer have devils
that whisper and scream.
They can do both
but now they are doing non.
And I can see myself having fun,
not caring or staring
into nothingness.
Yet it leaves me in mourning
to know they are about to die.
Maybe if I hold on a little longer
I won't be lonely and then find myself
a job, husband or wife.