I wish my mind was a padlock
I wish I gave you the key
So you can see for yourself
What's troubling me
Then you'd see the demons that are set free
Scary monsters, chasing me
My broken heart without defense
My crashing soul in need of help
After you've been there
I'm hoping you'll help
I'm hoping you see I break
And I melt
People say I'm a "*****"
That I'm "cold" and "selfish"
But maybe if I gave you the key...
You'd see what's hurting me.

I live a life of leaving.
Half my **** is packed into my car, and to have the mindset I could leave with it all...
I live a life of unsettled, restless passion
A life full of wanting things I can't have
A life full of smiling at strangers, buying coffee for the chick that had a bad day, a life full of filling the world with just a little happiness.
I live a life full of fixing. I fix things. I fix everything. I fall apart myself, but the smiles keep me going.

I want to pack it all up again. I want to leave home again. I want to smile at all new strangers in all new cities and buy cups of coffee for all new people having bad days.

And I want to fix you.

My feelings are always too much
Turned redundant to the only one
Who could ever light me on fire like the sun
Easier to keep them repressed
No room for leaving or distress
A love struck fool and never anything less
I long for a lover who's looking to stay
A friend until the darkest parts of day
Maybe when the stars align
I'll find the friend whom's heart matches mine
Maybe one day my lover will belong
He'll make my soul sing a sappy song
Forget all the affliction that came along
Growing and feeling made with
Sweetness and being
All the heartache and pain
All the lovers lost in vain
Until that day,
I'll find a lover in the rain

There was a child once
full of  barely hidden laughter and mischief
emotions endlessly poured out and back in
like a tide tasting a new shore for the first time
Where is that child i wonder

there was a traveler once
thirsting for the experience and life seen all around
headfirst diving into the world accepting
fearing nothing and witnessed with wide eyes
where is that traveler i wonder

there was a husband once
overflowing with found shining love
joy swamping easily the baseless fear of loss
proven in horrible perfection in a moment
where is that husband i wonder

there was a father once
completely enamored of a tiny squalling form
filled with a something that could not be defined
until it was gone drained and replaced with horror
where is that father i wonder

there was a lover once
coupled a shy temerity with a respectful tenderness
opening to possible love as a flower to sun
bruised and rejected on occasion though ever hopeful
where is that lover i wonder

there was a soldier once
who stood up with passion for those who could not
heart on the sleeve and thunder on the brow
viewing the world as a problem to be fixed
where is that soldier i wonder

there was a fighter once
who smiled sadly as he fought and killed in the name of money
laughing at the jokes his companions made in desperate tones
as they hid the slowly acidic thoughtful fear of being the bad guys
where is that fighter i wonder

there was a man once
betrayed and broken by this world and his choices
looking back across the memories that swirl and sift
ashes and dust that are all the remains of a once laughing child
and i don't need wonder where that man is.