Control.
I've lost control. It feels that way, anyway.

But I'm always in control. Control of my life, my career, my money. My journey.

Im so in control that I don't even realise I'm not, until it hits me. Like an unstoppable force. An insurmountable pressure. A tsunami crashing against my mind, the weight of it almost crushing me.

I let my mind crumble. I succumb to rage, and then stress and then to tears. Feelings, emotions, thoughts flood in. The gates are opened. I feel vulnerable.
I try to weather the storm. After all, My mind has done so a thousand times. Battered, and flogged like a cyclone sweeping through a rural town.

They say there is a calm before the storm. But there is also a calm after it as well. A serenity that follows a catastrophe. A peace.
I'm now at peace. Too exhausted to feel anything else but.

I'm slowly regaining control. Systems returning to normal. Rebuilding from the devastation.

I'm there. I'm back. I'm me again, except for one small difference. It's a thought.

How do I stop this happening again?

My lust, my thirst,
Day by day happen to increase,
But the truth is it darling,
That my life till date has been cease (d)

Take my hand and let's see the world
take my heart and be my girl
let's make memories we'll never forget
let's have moments we'll never regret

Let's walk around and explore the earth
let's enjoy our lives from this day forth
let's make every tick tock worth
let's be together like we were meant to since birth

Let's venture into unknown places
let's fall in love over and over on a daily basis
let's stay up to watch the sunrise
while we kiss and look into each other's eyes

Let's cuddle up and look at the starts
then let our love reach that far
let's always be happy in each other's presence
with a love so pure it feels like heaven

Let's never take each other for granted
and let's do everything that is romantic
let's hold each other through every night
and never let go cause it feels so right

Let's be together till we're too old
let's let our love story be the best story ever told

I am enveloped in the expanses of your painted sky,
satisfied & glowing underneath your weight as you
lay yourself down across the peaks of my mountains.
You have illuminated my hidden wildflowers with the
golden wash of a new spring & the warmth of your sun.  
You cast divine paint across my landscape
like a canyon sunset brushes every ***** with vibrancy.
I am enveloped in the sultry scent of the potent desert
& your intoxicating masculinity.  
Your perfume is imprinted on the soft pearl of my skin
as you are imprinted in the atoms of my being.
I bit you in a kiss that burned your mouth into my memory.
I taste you every time I close my eyes or pass my fingers over
the petals of my pursed lips,
& spark a hunger that stirs in the deepest chasm
lurking beneath my navel.  
Every fiber in my body is tempered
by the heat of our fervent fever.
I am enveloped in these moments spent:
My lips poured across your collar bone
like red paint caresses a canvas with passion.
My hair entwined & rooted in your lustful fist,
holding me fast & grounding me to you.
My tongue engaged in a dance across the ridges of your teeth,
as our hips meet and our lips meet in a fevered tango.

Her suicide left a loneliness
only partly ameliorated by
a good *******
with her bereaved Mum
up both gaping holes.