when asked the question
"why?"
I reply
by shrugging my shoulders
why?
I don't know,
maybe I am depressed
or maybe I am just
sad,
maybe I need another cigarette,
maybe I need to pour myself
another drink
or maybe I need a half-naked
pretty young girl to **** whatever
has clawed it's way into my skin
out and into the sweaty,
dark room I sit in,
so it can evaporate,
rid itself from my being;
no matter how much
I smoke,
drink,
****,
the loneliness still carves it's
entire existence into my bones
like lover's names in trees,
it leaves blood stains
and leaves me longing
for so much
more

There wasn't much left to do but drink the night away; just me and this bottle of ***.

I seemed to have blurred the lines from being 18 and happy to 22 and ready to drink myself to death.

I am not sure how I got here, maybe years of hiding sadness, who knows really?

all i needed to find You was to lose

m y s e l f

Its hard
To think of myself as beautiful
When all i can see
Are the flaws that surround my body
Its hard
To think of myself as affectionate
When all i can see
Is the emptiness holding me down
Its hard
To think of myself as happy
When all i can see
Is the sadness inside of me