Cars collide and I wake up,
Dressed in someone else’s skin,
I don’t know which way I was going,
I couldn’t tell you where I’d been.

We talked that night in broken pieces,
Or was it all inside my head?
You asked me if I was sorry,
And I asked if I was dead.

I walked along the empty hallways,
Lost in poison, fog and mist,
Desperate to find some meaning,
In memories that don’t exist.

You said I’d been trying so hard lately,
But sometimes this is how things go,
My mom told me to keep my guard up,
My dad called to say he told me so.

Now all alone in some apartment,
And still surrounded all the same,
Trying to find my sense of balance,
Or lose everything that I became.

There was a moment today
When I felt it
In my chest
A warm cascade
Of utter joy
At being alive
Simply being
Who I am

My body tingled
My eyes lit up
My face broke into
A most natural smile

And I was just
Happy
To be who I am

And then
I snapped back
To myself
Like a rubber band
And how instantaneously
My mind
Took back control
Returning me
To my default
Of feeling
Less than I am

To accepting
The compromise
Of a smaller life

Of deciding
To be bound
By a lesser reality

To be fearful

But
Oh!
To feel free
For one split second

How wonderful to know
That unrestrained joy
To imagine
That I could live like that

How encouraging
To believe
In being happy
Just as I am

Reading has always been my escape, my consolation. So I have come to the conclusion that if I were to be unfocused by the words that are written between the pages, then something in my life has gone amiss. That in itself tells me that I cannot continue to read this book until the problem has at least become bearable, because one cannot escape reality if it is pulling you in at the strongest it can go.

efficient yet sinful.
we build cities, we find cures for illness.
we grow, we reproduce.
we dream, we love.
but we never quite know what we want.
we crave lustful encounters,
yet when it comes to being in love,
we always wonder if the grass is greener on the other side.
we cheat, we lie, we're greedy.
humans.
flawed as a race.
flawed altogether.