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  Oct 2020 eve
Sylvia Plath
You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to **** you.
You died before I had time ----
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off the beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My ****** friend

Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine,
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gypsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been scared of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You ----

Not God but a *******
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the *****.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two ----
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagersnever liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you *******, I'm through.
eve Sep 2020
music plays in my ears
my thoughts are laced with the rhythm
and lyrics
while my physical body is at a standstill
with my mind
and my heart
i cannot render anything
nothing makes sense anymore
without this particular person
even though i’ve lost this person long ago
i foster the craving of their presence
lost i am
lost.
eve Aug 2020
every now & then
my mind is sprinkled with powder dust
i can barely make out...tell apart
reality from
fantasy
it all seems too much
thinking hurts
feelings misguided
goals unreached
during this period of time
i slip through the cracks of roads
- i twist and turn with every move -
that lead ordinary people to success
eve Aug 2020
“if you want something very badly,
set it free.
if it comes back to you,
it is yours forever.
if it doesn’t,
it was never yours to begin with.”
this is all because
everything happens for a reason
eve Aug 2020
you ever wish you could click erase
press restart
to help yourself
move forward in life
without feeling like you’ve left something
far behind you
but to live in the past
is to never experience the present
even with all the opportunities in the world
i would trade
myself
in exchange for being nonexistent
never mentioned
never accepted.
eve Aug 2020
i beg of the presence
high above everyone
to lift me up
take me instead of the one
who doesn’t deserve to be taken away.
eve Aug 2020
every now & then
i can’t explain why
i feel like reaching out
to someone i’ve outgrown.
throughout the years
i never thought to see you again
as i lay under the stars
the moon shines a special light onto me
for once in my life
everything looks and feels clear
your face paces back & forth in the back of my mind
but i toss it to the side
what we could...
could not.
get lost in the thought of you
wxnderlust
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