i hate it,
that you gaze upon another
while i’m sitting here, upon you,
as just another bother

i know i’m nothing,
you even say it’s true
it’s sickening
that I keep thinking about you.

i’ve given up too many times.
years of waiting, uneventful
i hate it as much as i hate him,
but i don’t want to hate you too

i want to shower you with love,
with appreciation and wonder.
but i don’t think thats possible,
with you like you are now.

so leave me be, as I stay in deep.
roam in my head, again once more
trying to find another connection,
this wall i’ve built, now torn.

i tried so hard, yet effort wasted
my love so wide, yet don’t value a ton
these months have felt like centuries,
and now they amount to none.

you’re gone, i have to accept that.
and we’re done, i have to move on.
so as i walk away, my head still down,
will i ever find another one?

I can’t get you out of my head.
even though your eyes,
have already told me the truth.
yet part of my being still screams;
you are the one.

why do you hate me so much?
and why can’t I amend the past,
when all I ever wanted was you-
and the future I’ve dreamed of
so many times before.

it’s maddening,
to dream of you when I know
you dream not of me.

we share no glances,
no conversations, and such
just the occasional pass-by
and the longing I slip out of my mouth,
along with the scorn you say back.

i hate it. i hate you
yet here I am, thinking about you
please just rid the future in my mind,
and stay in the past where you belong.

ease the pain of my present being.
and let me free from the chains I built.

“Ever-shining star,
so innocent,
yet so bizarre-
how do you shine so bright?”

well,
if I told you,
that it’s burning-
hot, vile and untamed
would you still really love me,
the same?

bright light,
glowing your day.
my pulse,
steadying your nerves.
if I told you, I wanted more,
would you run away?

like the stars in the sky;
so lonely, yet so near,
is it selfish, to want to be…
closer to you?

even the atmosphere,
can’t protect me
when i’m away from you.
like a planet, revolving,
I always come back so soon.

even gravity,
just can’t pull me
away from you.
in the end,
like a planet,
my love’s through and through

it keeps spinning.
the record of,
the same old tune.
when I come by
like a rocket,
i’m over the moon

forget-me-nots,
or petunias,
there’s so much-
I want to convey.
in the end,
like planets,
I’ll always get back
to you.

you’re so gross.
the way you keep crawling,
no matter how many times I **** you.

it’s disgusting! 
i don’t want to see you,
you ***** little caterpillar.
stay in your cocoon.

but, i guess,
i’m the disgusting one, aren’t i?
since i, too, want to see you,
grow your wings and fly.

so let’s sit down,
caterpillar of mine,
and wallow in pain
together.

It’s that moment,
when you realise that;
your father’s words-
didn’t make sense.
your mother’s worries-
had no weight.

it’s the fear.
that you are above them-
your past heroes,
or enemies

it’s the guilt.
that you start to correct them,
as if you were smarter.
as if you were older.

they punish you for it,
“you are only a child!”
the words ring in your brain,
and they seem to be true.

so this realisation.
this new light of dawn,
has to be covered away.

a silent acknowledgement,
of all growing children in the world.

The wind blows south
-and it all falls down.
Where’d it go?
My empire of cards.

The queen’s been beheaded!
and so, if I read it,
I’d still be in court,
as of now.

The king’s gone to rest,
while the ace’s gone wild.
His mighty staff,
crumpled and thrown-

The seconds are ticking,
the cat’s eyes gone round.
May I please have,
just one more round?

The sheet has gone dull,
while the sign is now null.
Oh what can I do, but just cry!

The queen’s been beheaded,
and the king’s gone to rest,
while the ace’s gone terribly wild!
There is no redemption,
and there is nothing worthwhile,
In this world of fallen cards.