concentration camp of my emotions
every statement i make gives the feeling of fake. its been less then a day and already i want to say, **** this is tough I’ve almost had enough. i have to lock down my thoughts like there are spotlights searching for any escaping expressions. I’ve put limitations on my own emotions all I’m allowed to show is pity for my self, hell id rather off my self. the situation isn’t a cold war the glass cover over the launch button is shut, crisis averted we can all go back to being automatons emotionless, cold like stone statues buried under the field. i can’t even share what is going on in my head without a censor bar blocking because i feel like its too shocking and it would be mocking the proposal i composed. I’m allowing myself to believe in a false sense breathing in false cents. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable to talk to someone who, when we walk made me feel….. well a lot. this situation is unbearable but i don’t know how to coupe without my fix. my mom said i need new kicks because theres holes in it but my heart is fit for a good stitch but nobody has a sewing kit. why do i continue to push when the door says pull i guess I’m just not on the ball when i fall. i don’t check the ground first. i didn’t look to see if there were matts to brace my impact, no i just fell and said “oh well” i sprained my leg but broke my heart. I’m in a camp where my emotion is lined against a wall and publicly shot on the spot, red lead hits the spot as emotions drop motionless its pure hopelessness and ******* do i miss it already. the word freedom has no meaning, theres no formal greeting in prison just keep your head down and hope for the best walking in a crowd wearing similar striped attire all tiered looking somehow wired to string strung and hung down from the set. the puppet masters pet. i don’t know where this all will go but i know……….. i don’t know but I’ve lost hope years ago.

390 days of self talk isn't ****
when you have no self control
the way your hip bones stuck out still haunts me
i'm sorry things weren't perfect
the way they should've been
easter sunday was religious thanks to your
your hand on my waist for hours
"Adults can grow apart too."
We were barely adults.
infiltrating my dreams is not welcome
i wish you'd fully disappear instead of just physically
we'll be fine one day
but now we just have to live on
i hope you're happy

School girl shoes click click click
sidewalk symphony
serendipitous solace
suspicious sadness
solitude solves cerebral sickness

I want you to write your name with your tongue inside of my mouth so I can feel it every time I speak

It's like 20,000 likes or knocks at the door
but not one of them the company I adore
emptiness, because of one vacancy

An ocean of fish, only one worth the keep
Different beauty, some beyond comprehension
still there’s that feeling, that feeling of incompletion
maybe you relate

I know she’s out there, waiting to be found
I don’t know where she’s from, her heart is sound
She’ll relate to me, she will, apart from physical thrills
Spiritual passion, and vulnerability
something I cannot speak of verbally.

If I could put it into writing I would, but ill get lost in my dreams
Something I want, something I need, like water or air, the oxygen I...
I feel her presence, but can’t find her, no matter where I go

I'll write songs and poetry, in hopes she'll come to me
Maybe i'll meet her at a store, or even the sea’s shore
A smiling face, a presence of light, what I imagine is as radiant as a last sunrise
She’s there, I swear, in my minds eye, not a race or color, she’s there

Over the ocean, colors and bliss, our eyes meet
Connection of the universe, this link between our brains.
An imaginary moment
                                                  that teases me.