Akemi

Akemi Mar 2014

You haven’t lasted me
In a deathbed hollow
I closed my hands on nothing
But a phantom emotion

These flowers in free fall
With their withered stems
Drank their last purpose
When I severed their heads

You slipped your noose around me
And choked the breath away
I writhed for seven hours
And broke the dawn with a gasp

You scattered motes to the ceiling
And rode the sun’s first light
Sever your black wings
Wither my heart

12:19pm, March 16th 2014

When I reach for your phantom,
you scatter to dust.

#loss #memories #dreams #ghosts #agony #haunts

Akemi Mar 2014

avoidable deaths

Am I losing hold?
In a hurricane thought storm
Little deaths on the television
Remind me of my inactions

Said I’d even myself
Out, after giving into self
Doubt. Unstable, leaning toward self
Harm, while the world tumbles itself
Round

Bitter at my own lack
Feel the fire dying in my breath
While the world
Burns and breaks and blisters in a growing wreck

Did my stutter break another heart?
Did my whisper **** that child?
Too quiet for him to hear the reason
I searched for myself, at sixteen

Is every stilted thought, wasted potential / opportunity
To better myself, better the world,
And every person I'll ever meet?

I will not let
Hesitation
Separate
Soul from body
Ever again

I am not lifeless
I am not cruel
I will not be a bystander
I swear

I am not lifeless
I am not cruel
I will not be a bystander
I swear
Ever again

10:35pm, March 12th 2014

1) I've been marred by hesitation. Fear. I've let opportunities slip past, friends drift away, feelings die.
I need to be fearless, not just for my own wellbeing, but for the wellbeing of others. There are so many people in need, physically and emotionally. I want to help people. I never want to see another friend die, lose themselves to substance, depression. I want to know I've helped people in countries other than my own as well.

2) I've been feeling increasingly disheartened about my own future. Stupid, selfish, self-entitled thoughts.
Some people don't have the luxuries we do. They aren't frozen by indecision. They don't think about how inane 40 hour weeks would be. They have to work to live. They might never realise their full potentials because they'll never be offered a place where their passions can flourish. I have these opportunities, and I swear I will use them to reach others who are not so fortunate.

I will make the world a better place.

#doubt #potential #waste #opportunity #indecision #hesitation #inactivity

Akemi Mar 2014

doe

Bright eyes, all
your little worries
transcend thought,
to movements
of soul and body.

6:06pm, March 19th 2013

Sometimes, you seem so sad. I truly wonder why.

#fear #beauty #wonder

Akemi Mar 2014

filter cruelty

I heard you blister
You swarmed as the daylight broke
Cross distant lands, tattered
Tumultuous, flayed
Burrowing deep into rot

You’ve beaten the broken
You’ve flayed the dead silence
Into a gutter-mouthed cry
Of humanities darkest

Raging a storm
So long
You’ve swallowed hell and heaven whole

Nothing is left anymore

When you spit out the darkness
You bare your soul
And I can see
Hate has swallowed you whole

3:49pm, February 27th 2014

A.
Some people just will not forgive. They become bitter, cruel beings, forming closed-minded prejudices. They do not learn from their own mistakes, but blame others for their pains.
It's distressing.

#hate #grudge #cruelty #blame #bitterness #prejudice #closed-minded

Akemi Feb 2014

we will languish. we will flourish.

Can you taste the disappointment
When you linger on my lips
Cold scents long languished
Sparking dead neuronic wisps

A frantic reformation
For an addict to the bliss
In the dust realms of a blanket life
Where fiction can exist

I’m the broken bones you found alone
And kissed into a whole
I know
That everybody dreams of the soul they had, the soul they let go

But I’ll find a way, hold high this ache
Breathe life into every mistake
And grow
Into the man you never had, but mourn to this day

I’m grateful
For everything

9:47am, February 27th 2014

To everyone I have ever loved.

#love #change #growth #mistakes

Akemi Feb 2014

the little deaths we hide

Can’t catch this hue of you
I’m a scathing black in the midnight blues
An overcast sky, blanketing blister-paced eyes
Hangs right above my neck

I’ve brewed restless ache
It settles deep in the space
Between my lusts and restraints
Scared to death either way

I’ve let the blood in my skin
Sink into bones and teeth
Crimson flush under limbs
Stiffer than death

I’m all I lack

11:23pm, February 25th 2014

How our fears get in the way of our wants.
It doesn't matter what you do, you will be judged by others, so you might as well do what you love.
Carry your convictions proud.

#fear #desire #restless #frozen #lack #indecision #restraints

Akemi Feb 2014

fracture lines of a pieced-together jar

Suffer this ache
Captured in that hollow jar
Above your neck

Fell down
And cracked it open
Maybe it was intentional
Hurts out, irreversible
(Because)
Behind that black seal
I glow immutable

I’m terrified
To be remembered
For all my cracked lines
Forever bright, just to light up the edges

I’m terrified
To be remembered
Forever bright,
‘Cross broken spines and empty spaces

Suffer this ache
Everything will be okay

11:43pm, February 24th 2014

Self-conscious and terrified of attention.
Self-conscious and terrified of being alone.

#fear #anxiety #loneliness #attention #self-conscious