If i died.
Would you care to remember me?
Would you care at all?
If I was to die.
Would anyone care of my last words?
If I died.
Would a single soul notice?
If I where to die.
Would you shed a tear?
If I died.
Would you be happy?
Or sad?
If I were to die what would you regret?
Tell me now.
If I am to go.
What are the words you wished to tell me?
If there are any tell me now.
If theres a single thing you wished you would've done if i were to be gone.
Do it or say those words now.
Because I may be gone soon,

I've been constantly thinking.
But not bad thoughts, but yet it is bad.
I have been thinking of one person consistently.
But its bad because someone would be said if they knew.
I'm going crazy, because of this one person -.-
I'm non stop thinking ive never done this in a long time.
I dont know why i am.
But I know somethings happening cause the one person i dont want to hurt. Is thinking of losing me.
Around the same time ive thought of this person.
What is happening someone please help me understand.
What would this be?

I love you.
But are we the same anymore?
I am not saying we shall break.
But just a mere question of wonder.
Are we?
Are we truthfully going to get threw this?
I know me as myself.
That i may be able to but it will take every piece of strength i have inside of me.
I love you.
You know i do.
I've told you almost everything of me.
Besides the one part of my past no one shall ever know besides me and j.
I've told you i trust you.
I mean that.
I do.
I've told you i'll be with you forever.
I meant that as well.
You know i will forever love you apart or together.
But I think ive become someone else new.
We we're not speaking for a few months.
And i changed.
You have been able to tell of this.
I have become who i was before.
But just stronger.
I have finally beat the stuff that killed me inside.
Now i can ignore it.
But you tell me your sad again.
This back and forthing of being sad then the other person being happy.
Isnt it tiresome?
I hope you know every word ive said I have meant.
We have been threw our fights.
We have been threw our scares.
We have been threw wiping each others tears.
Every problem you know them.
You know my addictions.
You know my life.
You know how much it compares to everyone elses.
You know the death defying things ive seen.
You know my secrets.
You've held me while i cry for hours.
You've held my wrist when all that happened.
You make me smile.
But also make me cry.
You've become my dying friend to me.
Only i tell you I love you.
You've filled the hole that he had kept in his hands.
You dont know how i feel because i hide it with a smile..
If i say goodbye...
Will you still be here?
I'm not saying goodbye.
But its again.
A mere question of wonder..
I love you.
Keep that in mind my dear.
But if i do one day say goodbye.
Please dont make this whole become empty because you know nobody could fill it again.
So please do not destroy me.
Because i'll forever be in love with you.

My life.
Ive been threw A lot.
Everyone has their fare share of pain delt to them.
Ive been a victim of more than one **** case.
I have seen things you should never see.
I have watched friend be murdered..
I have watched friends **** them self in front of me.
I have lived in hell.
With seeing things i wish i never saw.
I did start to become suicidal.
After a while.
I wondered why the had to go but i was still here to live a life i thought i didnt want.
I would write, and no one would read them.
I felt as if i didnt exsist.
I felt invisible.
My parents became more distant.
I had became very depressed.
I had seen a lot of people die.
It unfortunate yes.
I cried a lot.
A lot of tears had fallen.
I had been well "messed up".
I have gone threw so much pain.
I dont know how to deal with it at times.
Certain words make me start freaking out.
The way someone touches me can make me freak out insanely.
I barely trust anyone now.
The one person i trusted died june 16th.
I had held his wrist until he begged me to let go.
So i did.
It seems selfish of me to let go of him.
But i loved him way to much to see him in so much pain.
Now.
I still have the one person i'd run to,i'd cry on,i'd go to for everything.
But their still sad.
And i am trying to be happy.
Trying to act like nothing happened.
Because thats how i work..
But its hard to act happy.
If the one person that means so dearly much to you.
Is stuck in sadness.
How do you become happy?