One night,
while on some tremendously great acid.
I watched the snow fall,
ever so softly,
illuminated by street lights.
It was the most beautiful thing,
I'd ever seen.
And truly,
it had very little to do with the drugs.
It was beautiful because...
Because I was there,
and because it was real.

peace within the chaos,
compensation
for the screaming
silence.

insanity has called me,
and this is my penance.

a slight zephyr,
marks my severance

there is no turning back,
in my defense-

not everyone
deserves a
second chance.

The cusp of the moment
Felt like a precipice;
Like pressure rising before
That first flash of lightning
That bleeds into the next.
The air was charged
Before those words were said;
The crackle as tangible as static
Raising hairs along my arms.

They felt like hands
Spreading across the furled wing-bones of
My shoulders
It was that gasp before the shove,
The realization dawning,
The knowledge of the fissure below
Where the sun found no purchase.

The words left her lips
And I fell
Unhindered to a place
Where you're not breathing.

You grew flowers in the darkest parts of my heart
And im apologizing now that I'm incapable of accepting them
I can't breathe
I hope that one day you find someone who will water the flowers for you instead of picking them one by one

To address all of the feedback I've been receiving in regards to the way I write or express myself I want to make some things clear.
#1.  I want to share my utter graciousness and love to all of those who support me on this website. I never thought my poetry could touch the lives of so many and have this sort of effect. I really do, truly thank all of you who have spent your time posting lovely comments or even liking some of my poems. You guys are the best! You are the reason I keep writing and feeling proud for all that I do. Thank you so so so so much for all of your love and appreciation. I can't tell you guys enough.
#2. In regards to me "seeking attention" or "getting recognition" from other people. In some way, I suppose you're right. I do want recognition for the work I produce in terms of my poetry. I want people to read what I write and share their opinions on it because I enjoy simple literature, reading and writing in general. I am not writing to having people say "poor you, you must have it so hard" I could honestly give not a single **** about any of that. I appreciate your concerns but I have friends and family who love me that I turn to when I'm in need of real support- and I write to simply get the residue of whatever bad feelings are left off my mind. I appreciate the heart-warming, extremely loving comments that I've received from many of you and they really do mean a lot to me and make me feel like I'm worth it. This is not addressed to you. This is addressed to the people who believe I'm trying to get attention by putting my work out there, this isn't what poetry is about- so stop projecting your own ideas and thoughts onto me. You will be blocked and unfollowed- I don't have patience or time for this ignorance and stupidity. I write from how I feel in a specific moment, whether that be happy, sad, depressed, loved, uneasy, numb, crazy- these are all parts of who I am, everyone can relate to all of these feelings- I just choose to express them more intensely or publicly than some. Some choose to post them on Facebook, or Instagram or church or to their friends- so please don't patronize me for simply expressing how I feel at a certain time. Poetry is meant to be shared and loved and constructively criticized, poetry is from the heart and soul of those who can't seem to express it any other way.
#3. Any comments regarding religion or spirituality in general I would rather address personally through a direct message- I was raised Roman Catholic- baptized, confirmed all that jazz. I also had the luxury of having a Buddhist grandmother and from both of those experiences in each religion I personally related to the Buddhism concept a lot better than the Catholic/Christian one. I believe there is a higher power (to some perhaps it can be seen as what you define as "God" or "Jesus") but to me I feel like it is so great that none of us can put to words or even fathom exactly what it is. Heaven and Hell both exist on Earth to me, I've seen glimmers of both. And I personally believe that when we move into the next world after our time on this earth has ended (death) that we are thrown into complete knowledge, complete understanding of the meaning of life and all that surrounds us. Perhaps not immediately, but eventually in the grand eternal scheme of things. With that, it is no ones place to try and change anyones point of view or beliefs in any aspect- I believe what I believe and if there is an all forgiving God, he would surely understand that.

So thank you to those who have kindness towards me on this site, and to those who don't? Find another poet to follow because I am clearly not your cup of tea.

Peace, love, hope & compassion

xox natasha

Words are not weapons,
And this is not a war.

As most of my older followers may know, throughout the last 4 years I hadn't gone a year without doing some sort of chemical drug- until this year. From the time I was 14 to 18 I mixed and sampled the following: (in order) tylonel 3, oxycodiene, MDMA- molly, "m" this drug is a mind killer, it ***** with your serotonin and dopamine levels the most, not super addictive in terms of ****** reactions but mentally it definitely sticks with you, for you will never feel as happy as the first time you try this- my #2 of the never ever try this. I will be a year clean of it on October 30th 2015, GHB- aka *******, *******- oh lordy where do I start. Perhaps with the fact that almost all the coke you buy is cut with laxatives or tylonel. I've suffered the greatest reprecussions physically and psychologically both immediately and long term from this drug. On this drug I experienced stimulant psychosis, cravings, shakes, twitches, believing that bugs were on me, dermotellemania, dramatic weight loss and my skin and hair were terrible. After I had become clean I noticed I still had no appetite, bowel and bladder problems, and craving similiar to those of nicotine. This is my #1- STAY THE **** AWAY FROM THIS, its a silent, slow killer and it's not worth the money you pay for it, $80 (per gram) on laxatives? No thanks. I will be a year clean of this on June 25th 2015, LSD, oxycodin, ****, heroine & dmt.

Personally, things like marijuana, psychobasilic mushrooms, LSD & DMT are still fine with me- I limit my LSD & DMT intake to once every 6 months (if that) and I've found no reprecussions from doing these drugs (yet!).
I was mostly majorly addicted to stimulants and I would advise anyone who wants to not **** up their life to stay away from any stimulant. They really don't benefit you in anyway- the high gets old, the aftermath isn't worth it. I have major mood and mental illness issues that I'm still dealing with to this day- I refuse to take any form of medication such as prozac because I'm afraid I'll get addicted and be on it for the rest of my life. I'm writing this in hopes that anyone who is using, or thinking of using please gets the notion out of their head that they need this ****- it's not cool anymore, its risky and it ruins your body by the end of it.
The reason I chose to stop was because I realized the fact I mentioned above, that it does absolutely no good in the long haul. There are so many better things (better, safer drugs even) then stimulants. I also met a man who supports me and helps me with the craving days I still get at least 1 or twice every month. And I've started to be happy with myself and my body. I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. I want to be happy and carefree- all these drugs do is chain you.

If you read this all the way through, you're lovely.

I hope this helps someone, somewhere out there.

Dear Sir,

I want you to fill me up
With all that hot sticky ***
And let me push it all out
so you can watch
when youre all done

I love our bodies connecting as one
and especially the feeling of that skillful tongue.
youre curvature fits me so perfect
That all pain from the inches that barely fit is so worth it

And the butterflies create
their rhythmic
flying circuit in my belly
when you use your fingers on
me like that old tele

you give me a rush with every touch
and flood me down below
caught in the palm of your hand

baby,
I wouldnt want anywhere else to go

Counting each petal as it falls
For each is entirely
their own delicate fragment of beauty
If only I could admire them all

Their candy sweet, summer born perfume
someones turned the lights on again
my life simply, smoothly resumed

Looking back, I dont know how I could ever live a life so consumed- in anything but the blushing pearly hues that form so subtly as each magnolia bud begins to bloom.

I could sit here forever with you.
and enjoy every single one of your treasures
if you'd allow me to.

I want to get lost in you.
For lovely, there's a little piece of magic
in everything you do.
You've got me under a spell with the way your lips move, or the way your throat purrs when you sing me your lullabies and blues.

Small paradise, outside the old family house, beneath the sacchrine flowered tree
It's so beautiful to be in love with you

So beautiful, that you're in love with me.