It's been a while since I've wrote a poem, or an entry
It feels like I haven't been honest in almost a century
Feelings are deeper that what we actually feel.  
The emotions quickly turn into something more real.
Maybe anxiety or depression,
But let me tell you, it's all the same, a lesson.  
I was once in a deep dark place,
Confronting the mirror, I couldn't look myself in the face.  
Shadows clouded my every thought and emotion.
Making me feel as if I would never escape the commotion  
All around me was help, yet I couldn’t seem to cry out.  
I couldn’t move, and started to fill myself with doubt.
"Will they ever notice I need to be saved?"
"My voice seems to have completely caved"
All of a sudden, it felt as if an angel had come to my assistance
I gave them my hand with no resistance.  
Slowly I was pulled towards life once again.
I saw things as if my life had just began.
Everything now glows with a new spark and fascination
Everyday I find more and more to give me inspiration
Once I allowed help to take its course on my destined path
I’ve learned to accept the truth in the aftermath.  
Live your life with purpose,
There is much more meaning than what's just on the surface

•heartbreak hurts like a ***** because you let it...

You allowed it to consume your joy and happiness within yourself. You let someone else become the holder of your every fiber.. now you know that heartbreak is only brought on by yourself.

•people do what they want to do....

Regardless of anything that you know about a person, they can always surprise you. Don't take life too seriously, you are not the only one who is stubborn or independent.

•never ever EVER underestimate the power of being a woman..

Woman like the person you will become.. are the sole beginning to every mans life.  You are an earth walking-god created machine that was given the purpose of creating more life.. where would they be without us?

•karma is real, so play your cards right..

"WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES RIGHT BACK AROUND..", "love thy neighbor as you would love thyself." Whatever you put into this world, will be spit back at you.. think think think.

•I can become extremely emotional..

... and yes it can be challenging, but it has also made me love deeper than I ever thought I could.  Have sympathy for situations that most people would look past. I FEEL EVERYTHING. But I love infinitely.  To a fault, but god may say the opposite.  


•I will always be okay.

Just breathe and be present.

The world has mysterious ways of showing you youre wrong.  
One day is torturous and feels extremely long.  
The next, you wake up and smile, its a new day.
Blessings may come your way.

Yet, life will always have those days that you wish you could rewind.  
Even though the ugly is all in your mind.  
You see, the bad turns into beautiful,  
This part is the most crucial:

Lessons come in waves,
And some days your mind caves.  
Not knowing what to do,
But know that its all up to you.  
The lessons are disguised as many things;
Heartbreak, anger, pains.
  
Heartbreak is the most important,
Its poison can also be the most potent.  
Although it hurts,
Its the only one that works.  
Being heartbroken helped me find my soul,
I was now the only one in control.
Because of heartbreak I love me,
And like that it shall always be.

Anger taught me kindness,
It showed me I was speaking through blindness.
The hatred in my heart had been brewed,
Something that was long over due.  
Ive had my share of pain,
And for all of it I was ashamed.  
Now I see I am not my past,
For the good days in my mind are the ones that will last.  
Instead of taking my pain out on them,
Find the love in my heart for an amen.
A thank you for an opportunity to make someones day,
So keep them coming my way.

Pain, pain comes from both of these emotions.
Pain comes in oceans.  
One day may be physical, the next mental.
Either way, the pain can be detrimental.
But just like the old saying,
“What doesnt **** you makes you stronger.”
  So just keep holding on a bit longer.  
I know it seems like you cant keep going,
But this is something you must keep knowing.
You are stronger than you think,
Kinder than you believe
And you can make it through this pain.  

You are not your heartbreak,
Your love is an earthquake.
Not all are prepared to love someone like you,
They are cracks, and you are the glue.  
Remember that anger is from within,
Letting go is the only way to win.
Forgive yourself along with others,
We are all sisters and brothers.  
There is nothing wrong with pain,
Know that there is always something to gain.
You are stronger than you believe,
So go out there and acheive.

What do you when the one you love becomes the one you hate?
Forget and Move on.  
What do you do when you're at a crossroads?
Pray for guidance
What do you do when you don't feel good enough?
Remember you were born for a reason.
What do you do when you feel trapped and unheard?
Reach out, there are people that would stop everything to be there.. if you let them.  
What do you do when you're too stubborn to just let it go?
Realize that there are two sides, two worlds and two different hearts in the situation.  
What do you do when you have to let go, but don't want to?
"When one door closes, a better one opens"

As of lately I have felt more free
But not in sense that one would naturally assume.  
My freedom is one more personal to me,
It is one that is still in bloom.  
Yes, to some freedom is money,
Life is all about acquiring wealth.
Well let me tell you something honey,
One thing more important is health.
Others may require something deeper,
Something one may not see with the naked eye.
Yet one day you may come across a keeper,
And without knowing, you let them pass by.  
Love is something everyone searches for,
Whether that be in money, people, or possessions.
Yet somehow we always require much more,
And desires turn into obsessions.  
Once we require more and more,
We become human parasites.
There is nothing more to explore,
We will have tarnished our paradise.  
Do not live in past, there's no need to rewind.
Do not live in times yet to come, they have yet to occur
Just try to relax your mind,
And to the present moment you will transfer.
There is something beautiful and FREE about living in the now,
A poem may not even suffice.
It's a mindset rebirth, one you have to allow.  
Yet, I highly recommend you take my advice ❤

As far as love and life goes, I have no idea what I'm doing.  
Half of the time I don't know what or who I am pursuing.
Isn't life funny and confusing?
Half of it were worried, while the other half were just simply cruising?

What is love without fear ?
Everytime it fails you, you get stronger my dear.  
Don't let heartbreak become your demise,
Don't let love become something you despise.

Keep your head high you beautiful being a light,
Continue to make this world feel love with all your might !
Embrace the days of good and bad,
Don't ever let a rain cloud in the sky make you sad.  

You are beautiful addition to this earthly plane,
Live this life where there is so much to gain!
Love yourself and accept your own flaws,
Don't you ever dare put your love on pause (:

I always seem to make the same mistake,
Every time I fall in love it's a heart ache.
Hopefully, soon, I find what I'm looking for,
No longer will I make myself suffer, no more.

There are times like these quite often
I can feel my brain start to soften
My heart begins beating in my chest
My thoughts never cease to rest
I feel so lonely in this state of mind
Everyone I love has left me behind
Even with there friendly gestures and hellos
I'm in such a deep place, yet nobody knows
Loneliness can be a friend to you
It will stick by your side in whatever you do
But it will also part ways
When you start coming into better days
The hellos will start to become cherished
Where before it would have perished
You start to realize God was opening your heart
To those you were supposed to love from the start

You don't know what missing him means.  
Missing him is waiting 3 years for him to return.
Missing him is his return, and then shortly after his departure.  
In the past his departure was school, going away to college.
This time it was you, Wanting something different.  
There's no reason for you to miss him when he's already yours..
All I ask is that you know what you have and keep him happy.  
He may have hurt me over and over but maybe you're different.
Deep down he has the most beautiful heart.  
He cares so deeply for those around him.  
I know he'll make you happy, if you let him.  
Love him deep and passionetely.  
Don't let your demons get in the way..
You can't miss him until hes gone.  
I miss him everyday.

Today was the day I found reasoning.  
Reasons to all the madness you've bestowed me.  
It was true, the spark was not there anymore.  
But the deceitful lies should have been saved for yourself.  
I didn't need false hope to be okay with you again.  
A friendship would have sufficed.  
But you're so selfish that you thought you wanted more.  
Instead you've left me here again.  
Guessing why I wasn't good enough this time.  
The truth is the complete opposite though.  
Were you good enough for me?
After all these years of self-improvement on my part.. You're still the same.  
You don't know what you want, as far as love goes.  
You will never be satisfied if you're always expecting something from nothing.  
Love can't be forced, I understand that..
But a friendship after so many years of being close,
That would have been ideal.  
You wanted the whole thing.  
You wanted the comfort, the love.
You wanted all of these things from someone who was trying desperately to love themselves.
Someone who didn't even feel comfort in their own skin.
Boy oh boy did you let your colors shine this time.  
It's true, I am very devestated.. Losing you was hard for me.
Realizing that I was putting you on a pedestal where you didn't belong, is the worst part.  
Realizing that I have wasted my time and love on something, never to be appreciated, kills me.
But God works in the most beautiful ways.  
I prayed for him to show me who you really were, because of my doubts.
He answered my prayers the day you called me and said you couldn't do it anymore.  
I know it was her, the reason you left me.. the one that you believe got away...
But just wait and see, one day that girl will be me

There are many reasons I can't hate you.
It's not your fault you are the way you are.  
Love is something you're not accustomed to,
So I'll learn to love you from afar.  

I can't hate you because I'm more to blame,
I let myself trust you thinking I would be okay.
Thinking about it, felt like shame.
But that all changed on that one cold day..

You showed me another side to our situation,
I am not yours and you, not mine.  
Our lives are not on the same vibration,
And that is perfectly fine.

I've learned to let go, of the past and present.
What presently doesn't do good, I let go of
I won't settle for any discontent.
All things I do, I do with love.

It's almost as if my head is surround by fog,
I don't know which way is up or which way is down.  
My mind has been playing tricks on me
Making me feels things unusual to myself.  
Which way is up and which way is down?
If I choose while I'm this Blind who knows what can happen.
At this point it's chance, fate, what's meant to be.  
Will be.  
Faith and prayer will get me through this turmoil.
Just don't let the fog win.

My tears stem from a place far beyond reach.As much as I try to follow the river of my emotion to its source, it's hidden like buried treasure.  Bits and pieces of memories and hurt flash into my thoughts from time to time.  It reminds me of the most darkest places Ive been in my life. Most importantly it reminds me to keep looking ahead.  I can dwell on my past consistently, mindlessly causing myself turmoil. Causing me to predict my own downfall and destruction. In reality, what I predict only happens because I expect it to.  How can I expect myself to change or grow when I'm constantly doubting my own being and potential.  I was placed on this Earth for something much bigger than my mind can even fathom; we all are. The one common mission we were all entrusted with is to spread and to be love. Except we not only need to spread love to all those around, but we need to accept it as well. The darkest place that we as humans can experience in our minds is insecurity. Insecurity can lead us down an unintended road of hurt.  It can stem from the people in your surroundings, yes, but the worst comes from within. So many people take experiences that are out of their control and constantly wound their own hearts with hurt. You can lie to yourself all you want about how you aren't good enough and if you were only a certain way you would see change and happiness Sprout into your life. That is one hundred percent a lie. Happiness truly does come from within, it stems from a place of purpose.  Once you realize that you are not just coincidentally born into a magical planet that happens to be suspended in the middle of an endless universe, you will find happiness. The reason being that at that moment, you will  understand there has, is and will always be something bigger and more complex working in your favor.  You realize you hurt because you are in the process of a bigger lesson to be learned, and these lessons will allow you to help others to heal as well.  You realize you are not alone in this world, there is always someone hearing your hurt and wishing you just understood how beautiful you are inside and out . From there you start to realize you are and can and will be the change that needs to be seen, but it all starts from a place within. So starting today I'm making a change in this world, and it's starting with myself.  No more doubt, fear, or discomfort in the essence of my God created being.  I was made to look, feel, love, hurt and care exactly the way I do now. Denying the fact that I was made in the most perfectly imperfect way, to me, is equivalent to denying my whole existence.  I am who I am and I will attract those that are meant to stay, those that will help me grow and even those that will cause me hurt.  But in the end it will all be the same; lessons.  Lessons of trust, deceit, love, friendship and fallacies. But knowing this, that every experience is beneficial to you in some type of way, you start to see that miracles happen every breathing second that you're alive. Thus, slowly this world will start to change and we can one day evolve into the love that God intended for us all

Even though I placed myself here,
Wandering why I feel neglect and sorrow.  
My feelings are always sincere,
Even with no garuntee tomorrow.  

I've come to realize  that the hurt is much deeper,
Deeper than I myself can even fathom.  
But life moves on and hills get steeper,
You just got to go out and charge ‘em.  

Hurt doesn't always stick around,
It likes to choose its victims wisely.
Once you let your negativity become unbound,
You stop treading through life blindly.  

Take joy in those little moments that **** a tear,
That means you're alive !
Just go with the flow my pretty little dear,
Don't let them break your strive!

Letting my mind unfold
I see how the treasures of the universe are untold
Curious thoughts course through my veins
And I ask that God remove my stains

"The world can be cruel and unforgiving," he speaks
"but my beautiful child wipe those tears off your cheeks."
All of a sudden I feel a sense of light around my soul,
as if my own mind was no longer in control.

My doubts and fears were released
And deep inside I was no longer a tortured beast
I had found my purpose in this life we all share
and I see people no longer living in despair

You see my beautiful people around the Earth
All it takes is a mindset re-birth
Change the way you see this beautiful place
and we can spread the love all across space

Smile at a stranger that you've never known,
they may have hurts never to be shown.
Help out someone in need of a kind heart,
and when there's peace in this world, we were the start

<3

It takes Just one kiss that reaches the stomach
And explodes into a million fluttering butterflies
It takes toll on your mind
And suddenly your floating in a sea of clouds
When did this happen?
When did you reach your own heaven?
When You found love
And love found you
You’re stuck in this seemingly endless game of emotions
Ups and down, twists and turns
You stay exactly where you are
Simply because you love the storm itself
For months the storm blows on
You’re blinded by love and passion
You don’t care that the storm is slowly killing you
You’re losing yourself without knowing where your going
One day this storm stops,
It’s all collapses on itself and the words are said
“It’s over”
The two words that cut deeper than knives
When did this happen?
When did you reach your own hell?
You got heart broken
And you are broken
You’re stuck in this seemingly endless depression
Nothing makes you happy
You have no energy to try and make yourself feel
You’re stuck
Days roll on and weeks speed by
You’re numb to anything and everything
You lose friends and lose sanity
You just don’t care
But Just when you think you’ll never find happiness it comes
You giggle a little more
People fall in love with your smile again
And love, you are okay
You start to realize you’re beautiful in your own way
Someday someone will do anything to be yours
You’ll find peace with yourself
And you will have the love of your life when it’s meant to be
Just hold in there

I’m lost,
And maybe in the end I really don’t know what I’m doing.
But I don’t care,
I’m going to find my way.
Every trial I face will make me stronger.
Every mountain I encounter, I will climb.
Every star I see, I will reach.
There’s nothing in my way now,
Except my endless disappointment in myself.
And there’s my problem,
Self confidence.
Always blaming others to diminish my own destruction.
But the truth is, I have control.
I have the right to say, no you’re wrong.

The energy from my soul dissipates
When the mind and heart communicates.
Saying I don’t love you when I do
No statement could ever be more true.
Yet the pain is there inside
Burning my heart till it is fried.
You don’t love me, but despise my being
What is it that you’re not seeing ?
I can’t move on to someone new
When the only person I’ve ever truly loved was you.

There's a certain peace about the sun setting,
It's a chance to start forgetting.
The troubles of the daily routine,
Are far less troubling than they may seem.
Take a deep breath and see how the sun sets,
Because it always returns the next day having no regrets.