~Entry #1 12.02.14

Akala ko madali lang ang lahat. Ang yabang ko pa.. sabi ko mai-inlove din saken to. pero mali pala..
ako yung na-inlove eh.

Ang sakit pala, kasi ginawa ko na lahat ng kaya ko, lahat ng paraan para lang abutin siya, tulungan siya, kasi naiintindihan ko siya.. sobra.
Pero ang sakit pala kapag ikaw lang yung lumalaban. ikaw lang yung naghahangad ng happy ending, kasi sa dulo walang ganun, walang happy ending..
kasi nde pa siya maka move on.
ang masaklap pa nito ..
matatanggap ko pa sana kung yung mga umaaligid na babae kasi madali naman sila paalisin, pero yung kalabanin mo yung bababeng minahal niya ng sobra bago ka dumating..
nde ko kaya. ang sakit pala.
ang tanga ko kasi nde ko kayang magalit sa kanya, kasi hanggang ngayon naiintindihan ko pa din siya.
lintik na one sided to oh. nde ko alam na ganito pala kasakit ang mag mahal ng isang taong nde sayo..
let me rephrase that. taong nde magiging sayo
akala ko. yang word na yan, madaming namamatay diyan . isa na ako dun,
naniwala ako sa sarili ko na magiging okay ang lahat sa amin. pero nde pala..
ibang iba sa reality, kainis kasi eh napaka hopeless romantic ko kaya ayan kahit imposible sumugal..
pero nakita ko na kasi na ganito mangyayari eh,
nasa isip ko. "nde naman siguro ganon, kasi kahit papaano mahalaga na ako sa kanya, malay mo naman diba? mai-nlove"
Assuming din kasi ako, kasalanan ko din..
sa simula pa lang naman kasalanan ko na. Sinubukan ko kasi gusto ko siya eh. gustong gusto.
pero eto pa din ako, naghihintay, umaasa pa din ako kahit pinaliwanag niya na sa akin na nde pwede.
nakakulong kasi siya sa regret at pain in the past. sabi niya gusto niya lang daw ako "protektahan" lintek na.

Nasasaktan na ako eh. sobrang sakit.
welcome to SMP menma.

I knew I matured
when I realized every situation doesn't need a reaction.
Sometimes you just have to leave people to continue to do the lame **** that they do.

sometimes its only about;
*Tranquility

For once you've fall,
been stomped,
and discriminated ..

But after this,
risen up,
took the challenge and
finished that race

I love you for a long time,
although i never say it,
I dreamed of you for a long time,
though you were never there,

One day you brought me happiness
showed me that you cared,
our relationship grew for a long time,
all the love we shared,
it's the best thing that ever happened to me..

My dream,
You came into my life
then ..
the last day i got to see you
I cried so much,
I'd wonder if i ever got to see you again,
and if ever i have such luck,
many tears i cried,
they dribble down in my shirt,

It was then ..
I realize that ..
I love you so much,
so greatly,
that it hurts ..

I want to be with you,
maybe not forever,
but at least a little bit longer than never.

Lia.
My sweet Lia,
Like a flower that blooms in springs;
Loving you at first sight is not my intention,
But the way you calm my soul soothes my broken heart,
I don't know how and when but falling for you is the greatest thing I've ever done in my life as of now and I don't regret it ever;
Lia, my love, my friend, my lover.
You are the first person who actually made me feel this way.
You never judge my emotions,
You never complain whenever I play my games, even tho I'm still playing I still want to talk and hear your voice,

I love you
because I never smile with someone like this before
I'm not a happy person but since I've met you I'm always excited,
Another reason why I love you
You accept me for who I am instead of trying to mold me to someone I'm not.
And I've probably told you this,
But I love how I can tell you anything and you won't judge me or think differently of me
You are the girl I want in my life .
Lia, My sweet Lia

Life* is not merely a series of  accidents or coincidence,
But rather,
its a tapestry of events that culminates in an exquisite, sublime  plan.

-*Anonymous

There are two types of pain:
One that hurts you
And one that *changes you

I fall, I rise,
I make mistakes,
I live,
I've been hurt,
but ..
I'm alive ..
i'm only Human,
I'm not perfect,
but I'm thankful

Being strong doesn't mean
you can handle
what's thrown at you,
It just means you're prepared
to ignore whatever it is
that hurts you

A poor roman whose blood spilled,
Far from the homeland of patrician
Is how I feel currently.

As wounded as I currently am
By the grins little devils address to me
I chant glories of my torturers as they ax me down

What are they going to do with my bones. Would they sport it as jewelry,  closer to their hearts?
What are they going to do with my flesh? Have a relish on it?

What if I was destined to be a prey, not even taking a glimpse of your love by any other mean than pain...

Can I still envision it as some sort of gain, with it being the price of my very life
And so, my very dignity, or I shall say the remnants of it, are defunct along with me

There are peoples ain't got Happy Endings
though the lessons and the story that they shared touched our hearts.
Love is not always about the endings..
We were so focused on Endings,
we forgot to savor the moments.
*Sometimes it's about the story and moments that they brought to life.

Why now
when I'm totally okay.
Why now
when I totally moved on.
Why now
when I'm finally happy with someone else.

Why now?
Why now when I already thought
I can go on without you?
Why now
when my feelings are already been patched?

Why now?
when you left me hanging so bad that it hurts like hell.
Why now when I don't know how to trust anymore?
Why are you coming back?
Why are you confusing me?
Why now? Why?

Are you that sadist to hurt me again and again?
Why now
and I can't help but to wish again
that its all true?
that you wouldn't hurt me again?

How can i possibly do all those thing
when i'm still broken inside
after all this time?

What about him?
the one who makes me happy,
the one who shows me that life is beautiful
after the pain?

Why now?

I peer at the bottom well where I draw from cerulean waters;
Chablis of the worn out grape harvester,
your eyes intoxicate me;
You are the solace granted to the weary me,
the balm of my heart;
I accept to be a castaway with no beacon for guidance,
as long as I wreck in your coasts;
how delightful it is to abandon oneself!

At times...
I see your very beauty shape shift before my eyes,
my soul mate...
Could it be this alchemy we tried to achieve on?
Has Hermes Trismegistus given away his secret?
May this shaft of light traverse us endlessly,
as dusk never befall our zenith

I feel numb
I feel helpless
like I can't do anything to change it.
Going with the flow is what I am right now,
Its too much..
too much that if I keep fighting
I know it will be worthless;

Seeing love right now is not what I wanted
Its fake and shallow
Its not just true.
Is there any true about love nowadays?

How can I enter one relationship
If even I feel so uncertain about my feelings?
Would that make me fake too?
So many questions running in my mind

I want answers
but how?
I'm uncertain about feelings,
love, and peoples.
Will that make me hypocrite?
Lies is what I see within.

Girls,
Stop waiting for that perfect boy.
He's not out there.
There's no such thing as fairy tales
Your life isn't an 80's movies.
If you push that away,
he's not gonna comeback
and comfort you,
he's gonna leave,
Life is isn't like a movie,
Stop expecting it to be.

But there is such thing as love
so find it,
just with your hopes not as high
                    -Reality

(c) *Readers Digest

Every time i heard that number i can't help but to smile
You and your charms,
Although im always annoyed it still makes my heart beat so fast.

Whenever we fight and tell each other our differences and insecurities,
How much you know about me
The little things i hate and like,
How much you try to adjust with me
Be by my side in hard times,
How much you really love me
Makes me want to love you even more

As i look in the clock
Time is ticking, i need to make a wish until it last,
60 seconds in 1 minute
11:11

I guess my only wish is..
To grow old with you

I'm tired of repeating the same cycle everyday..
Can i quit now?

Everything is a mess,
And I'm trying to change it;
A knight with messed up past
Dwelling too much
Can't risen up from the regret he made;

Thus here lying;
The warrior who keeps fighting,
Reaching the knight who keeps falling;
Thus the warrior should keep fighting?
or just to let go now?

Whose stupid?
The warrior who keep reaching the soldier in deep pain?
Or..
The soldier eaten by the past he made?

I've been sick out of this,
Loosing blood, loosing my sight,
This feeling is out of hand
Loosing everything I has,

I'm a warrior; fighting for this
Even tho I'm really tired
But the mere fact that they're waiting
Those sweet smiles I have,
Those jolly personality they see in me
I can't take any possibilities I'll be gone..

One of the reason why I'm still here

And the knight who shines among the rest,
In the existence of loosing up;
Just one smile, Just one kiss,
I'm gladly to surrender everything
In the rose that full of thorns;
The blue venomous one is I keep reaching,
Hoping it will heal me inside,
Risking everything,

The life, the Love,
A warrior who keeps fighting,
Hoping to seek serendipity in hand

For the last time;
Let me refresh your memory..
I was the one who actually cared for you. I was the one who stuck around even when everyone told me to leave. I was the one who loved you even when you gave me every reason not to. Lastly, I was the only one who was there for you when no else does.

Her
"I want to be with you, maybe not forever but at least a little bit longer than never"
Him
"Then stay with me, cause you're all I want, stay with me, and lets be together for a long time"

Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past,
Stop planning the future,
Stop figuring out precisely how we feel,
Stop deciding exactly what we want and see what happens.

No one can go back and make a brand new start,
However
Anyone can start from now
And make a *brand new memories

We're scared to get close to anyone
Because anyone who promised to stay,

Sometimes
Turned their backs and *walk away

the hardest thing in life,
Is letting go of what you thought was real

Men are stupid and women are crazy.
And the reason women are so crazy is because men are so stupid.

You will never have to force anything that's truly meant to be