Love #1
He liked me, i liked him.
This lasted for a while.
Summer came, he left.
He got a girlfriend, and forgot about me.

The next school year,
We made eye contact in the hall all the time
He texted me and apologized
I forgave him
and when he and his girlfriend were over
He came running back to me
I welcomed him with open arms.
This only lasted part of the summer.
Things were getting tense
and we stopped contacting each other.

A year later
When i was "talking" to someone new
He apologized again
I think he was jealous, to be honest.

We never spoke again.


Love #2
I thought he was cute
I only fantasized about him liking me
Then it came true
He pursued me, and i liked it.
We went on a date before our first date

He held my hand that day
and forced his lips upon mine.
Not how i imagined my first kiss.

We went on dates
but stayed in the car most of the time
I thought i could control things
and not go too far.
I tried to stop multiple times
yet somehow he just kept enticing me.
After he got what he wanted (not what you are thinking)
He dumped me.
He said we could still be friends
but i mean, that was unrealistic.

We never spoke again.


Love #3
He makes me happy
We are best friends
He held my hand at the beach
and kissed me on the cheek.
That was only for one day.

We continued to be best friends
We went out by ourselves and
he made no indication that we were more than friends.
Weeks went by.

Then after our AP test we went to eat together.
We also went on an adventure.
That was the best day of my life.
We went up a mountain and went on a little hike.
It was hailing and we were sitting close under a towel for protection.

That would have been the perfect time to kiss me.
But he didnt.
And i respect that.

He takes things slow
unlike Love #2.
patience means you're in it for the long run.
Things are going well
and I think we could actually have a good future together.
Im excited for it, love.

love ruins things
it leaves us all destitute
and hungry for something else
greater than ourselves

it all ends
it all breaks
we all give up

what's the point of letting someone
who will eventually leave
see your bare soul?

i don't know i don't know i don't know

i just felt like i didn't belong

it just didn't feel right
and i didn't feel secure

his heart was made of broken eggshells
and i got tired of tiptoeing in his presence

i knew it was bound to break

"it's just love," he said

and that's exactly the reason why i left.

Back before the hurt
I thought
I analyzed it all
and it had all made perfect sense
I was thinking it could not fail me
Now the damage is done,
thinking becoming no longer an option
No thoughts
No words
I was thinking
before
I do not think
anymore

i am sexually attracted to pencils.

I had some happier days in life
When he was my husband and I was his wife
When he used to believe in us
When he used to think that we were soul mates,
though that thought did fade
When other than each-other nothing else mattered
But now he doesn't believe that anymore,
and all those dreams are shattered
and all I am left is with a sea and a shore
where despite of many people
things seem quiet and dark
I sit alone looking at the tree of apple
and hearing dogs bark
I know you won't come back ever
because you are happy where you are
And I won't always remain a broken-hearted girl
As someday I'll also find happiness when u'll be far
But if ever (fingers crossed) you come back to me
I will want to flee
and I'll come back to you
so that I get again happier days a few.

what i find beautiful were the breathed conversations we shared between the kisses we shared and this whole situation is reaching into my cavities and contorting my heart into places of infinite joy and infinite sorrow and infinite apologies maybe you will never feel the same way but i do and god the way you hold me will be imprinted on my skin on my flesh on my left ventricle forever because **** i miss you and **** i miss your companionship but i cannot ask for you back and now all i have are three perfect weeks of a simulation of how it could be like and how we could have driven each other crazy with our thoughts and our love but i guess it is always like this right the most beautiful things are the ones that exist in your head and never manifest into reality because reality is messed up and this is why all of this is an absolute beautiful mess.

Because you were busy I got no birthday card
It's not the first time so I won't take it hard
Because you were busy I was alone Mother's Day
But I know you have so much to do anyway
Because you were busy I stayed home alone
You didn't have time to pick up the phone

I know life is crazy and you just have a minute
But does even one thought in your head have me in it?
I'm getting older and I'm scared that I'm sick
But I'd sure like a visit, no matter how quick

Because you were busy those hours have passed
You're beginning to realize how you've put me last
But time is a runaway train on a track
And it's something that we never, ever get back

Now you remember to bring me bouquets
And you always visit on bright, sunny days
You talk to me and I wish I could reply
But listening's all you can do when you die
I hope that you somehow know I understand
My leaving was something that you never planned
And I hear as you whisper while I lie in the ground...
"I am so sorry, Mom, that I wasn't around".

I go on my computer, to try and do something new
I try opening up the pictures that I once took of you

A bold message displays across my screen
"Error" it reads, I know exactly what it means

I guess what they say is true, it never processed in my head
Its hard to reach old memories
When someone you love is dead

A second or maybe a minute
She took you from me
A half hour
An hour or two
Was all it took for her to take you