I am the shell
The empty vessel
Thoughts echo in my mind
You will discover me
Sat still,
Apparently peaceful
Or at work.
But i am not that
Not there...
For somewhere within
I am lost
Hidden or imprisoned
Trapped
Isolated
Fearful
I will not,
Cannot
Emerge
My emotional bandwidth so contsrained
I semi-live
Exist
Function
Waiting until it is safe enough to emerge
Pop the hatch
And live again...

My friends,
We try to stay safe through doing what is familiar
By avoiding those places of pain and discomfort within ourselves.
And we may stay safe...
Safe within the walls of our self constructed prison
Safe in our loneliness and isolation
Safe in the same old patterns which keep us narrow, small...
But safe.

And in this place we fear to open the unlocked door to our own liberation...
We fear to step out into the light
Because we know that to find our glorious presence
We must travel through some dark corridors in our minds
Through some fearful rooms within our soul.
Confront places of pain in our hearts
And release the tears which are trapped there.

Lean into the mystery
my friends.
Lean into the discomfort...
It may be that there is a force there to support you
That you will remain buoyant as the winds of life flows past around and through you.

But it may be that as you lean... you fall....

You may fall into the abyss of mystery and unknowing.
Fall into a new and unknown space,
Where you do not know who you are
Or what to do next...
And in that dark obscured space you must feel you way forward with your heart,
Step into your wholeness and be guided by that deep ancient force with in you
Your old familiar ways will not work here.

What will you find there?
Deep in that space of mystery
That none may charter except for yourself
What new wonders will be uncovered?
What new gifts are waiting?
If we only have the courage to abide with our selves
If even for a moment?
How will you know unless you take a deep breath.
Still your mind
And lean forward into that Abyss...

Lean my friends and find out...

I grew up with these cliffs
the boundary of land and sea
where rock, exposed and naked
stands before the unforgiving elements
eroding each moment yet stable
a rock face, a solid, changing, evolution of nature
raw, unflinching, unapologetic.
holding a magic none can match.
the beauty of the inner form exposed
present, bold, unerring
Who are we that stand before them?
Do we bare out soul
And allow life to shape us into beautiful magical beings of grace?
Or do we brace against the winds of lifes changes
try to hide our nature, cling onto a redundant view of ourselves
and struggle to conceal our truths
Be more like cliff and rock,
Stable yet fluid. ever-present yet evolving
Embrace your decay, your lines your growth
Rejoice when a part of your psyche tumbles into the ocean
and you are exposed
In newness.
and vulnerability.

Strength is there.

Come to me
because I need you
I need your touch,
your care,
your support.
Speak to me in soft tones.
Tell me it will all be okay
in the end.
Reassure me
that I am okay,
that I will last,
prevail,
be whole and safe.
That my life is not a mess,
that I am doing well -
just that this is my path right now.
Tell me that it will not always be this hard,
that I will be happy again
when it is all over
or sooner even.
Touch me
Let me feel your love
Your heart
Your care and nurture
Your love.

Time weathered it 
Worn by salt and wind 
A testament to man and sea
And the sheer determination to survive.
Boats come in and out with the tides
Waves unrelenting...
Remember your roots
As the sea ravishes over rock.
There are few who stop to care,
But there is stillness to be found here

There is a magic in these misty cliffs
As the water crashes onto rockface
Sending turrets of spray into the air
And spiney fingers cascading down.
A race to reunite.
The ocean  moves...
A lobster *** buoy bobs up and down
The cliff erodes, ever so slowly

Seagulls sit on a cliff edge
perhaps resting, i do not know
A wave passes by
Teetering on the edge of explosion
I do not see it break as it passes out of view.
The surging ocean delights me
Dancing over rock
Having no care for destruction
Safety or form
It moves as it must
As it sees fit
Taking the best and only path.
Accepting its new form
in each moment
Giving life, Taking life
It cares not.
It must only move and this it knows 
You are welcome, but beware

Oh there is a ball in my stomach
a tight knot of anxious confusion.
It circulates and undulates
dilates and twists
throbs
grows...
absorbing my life's energy.

"Let it free and watch it"

It emerges from my stomach...
the twisting blue-black mass
convoluting, churning
in the space in front
…and in a moment it dissolves…

My mind is clear
the rain falls gently outside
almost like snow...
Moving with the gentle breeze...
What power in coming into awareness,
Into relationship with
those things which pain me.

Last night for just a few moments
I could feel my heart.
It was a shock
To feel so
Whole

Like the monochrome
Became
Colour
And
Just for
Those few

Moments

I
Felt

Life